


soulmates and all the baggage that follows that

by hyattdeath



Series: baggage [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, F/M, Forced Marriage, Forced Pregnancy, Homophobia, M/M, Miscarriage, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rape/Non-con Elements, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Stillbirth, Trans Male Character, Trans Zuko (Avatar), Transphobia, ask to tag if i forgot something, feel like thats important cuz like, the pregnancy and rape are not detailed their glossed over but are talked about, trans author
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:19:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 22
Words: 66,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24836791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyattdeath/pseuds/hyattdeath
Summary: zuko is born with an arm full of colourat age 5 he covers them with bandages for he will never be allowed to love themat age 13 he finally realizes he can tell what each soulmark isat age 16 he meets them and knows he will protect them from himself as best he can
Relationships: Aang/Katara (Avatar), Azula & Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Suki (Avatar), Sokka/Suki/Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), The Gaang & Zuko (Avatar), Zhao/Zuko (Avatar)
Series: baggage [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1901923
Comments: 115
Kudos: 574





	1. the beginning

**Author's Note:**

> i want it to be known that some warnings for this chapter include  
> transphobia(zuko has to keep him being trans a secret because its been outlawed by sozin and he could be killed so theres alot of missgendering)  
> forced child marrage  
> mentioned spousal/drugged rape  
> talks about how forced pregnancy could happen  
> and violence 
> 
> i also want it to be known that im a trans person who has delt with alot of transphobia with alot of missgendering im not able to be fully out to my family because my family is very transphobic and its safer to not be out to to many of them ive also dealt with rape but im not going into that but if these things will trigger you please dont read i dont want you triggering yourself

Zuko was young when he realized the fire nation was not kind to people like him. He had been born with an arm full of colour,his left arm is covered from shoulder to his hand,but his body is far too small to be able to distinguish what was what but it was obvious he was destined to be the soulmate of many. The biggest problem had been that the people of the fire nation were rarely allowed to marry their soulmate and you could only marry someone of your social standing in fact the only people he had known in the whole palace who was aloud to marry their soulmate had been his uncle iroh and that was only because his soulmate was a fellow noble.

Even though his father and mother were not soulmates, his mother had shown him her soulmarks, two theater masks, one of the dragon emperor and one of the dragon empress from love amongst the dragons kept hidden under bandages and long sleeves. His father's soulmarks were of a phoenix and a fire lily, he never bothered to cover them with bandages and although they were covered with his own long sleeves he felt no shame if they showed. Zuko's own soulmarks had been covered with bandages since he was 5.

Zuko had many secrets and another was that he was a man, only his mother, uncle and cousin, lu ten, knew of this secret. It wasnt hard to keep it a secret considering it was illegal for him to be two-souled and the fact that he was to marry a man once he came of age at 16. His future husband, zhao, was a cruel man and an even crueler commander of the navy, he had grown in his ranks quickly and it was said by his peers that he would change the world with his strong ambition and loyalty to the fire nation. Now if only his future husband would respect him as a future wife, and possibly keep his hands to himself until he is of age. 

__________________________________________________________________

Ozai was a mean man it was well known that he was violent and could and often would take his anger out on others especially when things dont go his way. Ursa was often the one who took the brute of his physical violence were his eldest took most of the emotional violence, luckly the youngest was kept out of this.

Iroh would at one point tell zuko before his own wedding of the joy his father took in his marriage ceremony, you see during fire nation marriages if it is between two people who are not soulmates the man will take a ceremonial dagger blessed by agni himself and will place a mark on their wifes face as if to mark them as their love. Zuko will get sick as he thinks of this he remembers the mark on his mothers face it was deep and jagged going from her temple to her jaw cutting her face in half it was not the loving small mark typically seen on a womans face, no it had been too deep to dark too mean looking and how zuko never thought that of course his father had done that he will never know and he sits and cries before realizing that his future husband is just as mean

__________________________________________________________________

His cousin is dead his uncle is missing his mother leaves his grandfather dies and he is alone with a sister who hates him and a father who has turned his violence to him. Zuko sits and does his duty as the eldest sibling and protects his sister as best he can, he takes blame for any and all of her shortcomings and does his best to remember how his mother calmed his father. Slowly his sisters loyalties start to lie in him and zuko starts something he never thought he would do.

Their mother ursa had a secret she shared with only zuko, she was working with the spies of the capital she often made them their poisons and was often sharing tea and info with them in secret, the day after his mother disappears he finds her notes and her text books and although his reading has always been bad and his father no longer allows him to go to school or be tutored until his firebending is on par with azulas,he can figure it out well enough to start making the poisons. When he next sees one of the spies leaving from the war room he invites the woman to the sitting room closest to his room and informs them he has taken over his mothers’ old duty. 

His mother took info as payment. Zuko asks to be taught a lesson on being a spy or assassin. They teach him how to sneak and how to be seen then disappear, he is taught how to get a poison into a cup and into food while no one is the wisest and these lessons become his saving point often. He learns how to distract his father on nights he is beyond calming and starts to slip sleeping medicine into his sake. Honestly, Ozai makes it easy all zuko has to do is distract him and pour him his drinks till he falls asleep.

His spy friends give him the secret tattoo of a spy once they realize he is the reason the firelord is asleep after three cups of sake. they welcome him in with open arms.  
__________________________________________________________________

By the age of 13 his soulmarks have become clear it takes weeks for him to realize they are distinguishable now. Down the outside of his arm starting at his shoulder down to the top of his hand sits a blue arrow on his inner arm near the bend of his elbow sits two koi fish swimming in circles and below that on his inner wrist sits a badgermole smoothly digging upward, on his upper arm on the front side sits a wolf his face a mixture of greys and whites he looks almost as though he is wearing the war paint of the water tribe but he cant be for sure hes only seen it in books,on his upper arm sitting above his elbow sits a golden fan and above that curled protectively around the arm sits a red dragon.

Intermixed in them are flowers holding them together and making his soulmarks a full sleeve of marks there are roses, gladiolas, forget-me-nots, hydrangeas, snapdragons and finally honeysuckles. Suddenly he realizes the honeysuckles are for him the same way the dragon is. Their tiny and pretty, along with being sweet and poisonous. It makes sense to him, he's used them in his poisons before, for the poisons that cause painful deaths.

He wraps his arm back up.

__________________________________________________________________

Its a week later when he sneaks into the war meeting, ozai has been in a good mood and he knows something bad is being planned and hes been training nonstop in the ways of the spies and he knows he wont be caught. He also knows this is the only way to do this. His standing for the throne is shaky at best and it was long ago decided his future husband would be the one making the decisions.

Hes quiet were he hides its beyond easy he simply stands behind a floor length tapestry its far enough from the wall hes able to slip in behind with no one the wiser. He stands there and looks out as the men talk but then one of the old generals says he wants to throw away a whole division, no not just a whole division. A whole division of new recruits who were drafted and probably didnt want to fight who were a bunch of barely adults who were just 16 and uncle iroh isnt saying anything and the generals are serious and he cant he just cant-

Despite his best interest he leaves his hiding place and calls the man out, there are gasp he is the first ‘woman’ whose dared to set foot in the war room since ozai took over, hes taken a risk theres a very real chance he will be beaten by ozai till he cant move for this transgression but he cant keep his mouth shut.

The flames on his fathers throne flare up and zuko chokes as his father tells him he must fight in an agni ki but he knows he can do it the general is old and feeble who knows the last time he fought. Zuko has not lived this long without cheating and he will be damned if he starts now.

He poisons the general, its slow acting but he should be dead by the end of the fight and it will be hard to place it on his head, there are in fact perks of being friends with every spy in the capital after all. He gets ready for his fight chest and arms bare he gets covered by the ceremonial shawl and tries to not think of how his sister was worried. When he stands and turns he gets into a fighting stance but he looks quickly over the crowd.

He finds azula, uncle iroh and zhao sitting next to each other, his uncle looks concerned and disappointed,thats fine he can work with that, and zhao looks pleased, this agni ki does infact make zuko a full blown adult now despite being 13, his marriage is to be hours after this fight if he survives that long(he will of course, the general though...) and although zhao isnt allowed to get him pregnant till hes 16 hes sure the slimy bastard is happy to be allowed to touch(the thought makes him sick but he has to have this fight its not just his honor on the line there are real human lives on the line here he can bare it for that) but when he looks at azula he stutters. 

She is crying and looking away, hes never seen her so worried looking, so heartbroken not even their mother leaving got this response, and zuko knows shes always seen him as her mother, ursa was rather distant to her second child and zuko had tried to teach his sister anything and everything. He would scold her when no one else would tried teaching her right from wrong he has washed and done her hair since he was 6(she didnt trust anyone else just him always him oh he was betraying her he was putting her at risk if he got hurt or died ozai’s wrath would be on her)  
He only looks at them for a few seconds at best just long enough for the general to turn and come forward into agnis light and as zuko turns back and look he realizes his mistake. Ozai is standing before him and there is nothing zuko can do but fall to the floor and bow as low as he can. He lays his hands over ozais feet and kiss them as he begs and pleads spewing that he was ozais loyal daughter that he made a mistake to please not hurt him. It was useless. Ozai gently lifts zukos face holding his chin in one hand and wiping his tears off with the other he slides his hand up and up until his hand covers his eye. Zuko cries but is silent. He is scared, his heart beating as fast as a rabbit-mouses.

“You will learn respect. And suffering will be your teacher”

Ozai lights his hand aflame and zuko is to surprised to scared to shocked to even scream it isnt until he passes out that he stops.

__________________________________________________________________

He wakes up when his hair is being done for his wedding the pulling as its braided sends shocks down his left side. He's numb by this point they have propped him up and a woman is fussing with his hair. Looking in the mirror he can see the damage half his face down his neck and part of his chest is covered in bandages. He lifts his arm up to bring it into his line of sight and someone has rebandaged his arm he moves his fingers and his elbow, they move well but he's too numbed and to drugged to really tell if its been burned as well agni knows the burns are close at least to the marks. 

It takes three women to move him and dress him in the many layers of his dress and when it is done two women guards hold him under the armpit and practically drag him down to the temple were the fire sages will officiate. 

The guards half drag him to zhao who grabs his arm and makes him lean against him he can hardly hear out of the ear facing the fire sage there's a ringing that hasnt left him but he can hear a few women giggling about how ‘cute’ they look and how ‘polite’ zhao must be for holding zuko up, it was as if they didnt realize or care that his father had just burnt him as if that wasnt the reason for zhaos actions. As the fire sage begins zuko loses himself in the uniform of his now husband, he stares and stares and thinks about were weaknesses are were he could sneak a knife in between pieces of armor

He nearly misses his cues but a shake from zhao makes him recite what he must and zhao doesnt even bother shaking him he just kisses him as a husband kisses a wife and zuko has never felt so sick but also knows if he throws up on his husband he would be in even more pain.

Its time for the final part of a non-soulmate wedding and zuko doesnt even flinch as zhao takes the knife and brings it to his face. He makes three long deep marks from his upper lip down his chin cutting his mouth open three times. Zuko doesnt feel the pain but he can feel the blood pouring down his lower face and splashing on his gowns. Zhao looks him in the eye and kisses him one last time swiping his tongue over his lips when he pulls away there is blood on his mouth and zuko not for the first and not for the last time today passes out.

__________________________________________________________________

Hes in and out of consciousness all night he awakes at one point to ozai saying hes been banished and that he will be forced to chase after the avatar(the avatar someone who hasnt been seen in over 100 years hes gone the avatar is gone) if he hasnt caught the avatar by the age of 16 he can only come home after zhao has impregnated him, he passes out again.

He wakes up at one point with zhao inside of him and it hurts it hurts so bad he is young and his body hasnt been made for this yet his moon blood hasnt even started yet and it isnt until zhao cums inside of him that he realizes zhao doesnt care if he forces pregnancy early. He passes out again.

Hes awakened for real in the morning, lo and li are there to check for confirmation the wedding was consummated he barely gets a glimpse of the blood on the bed(to much way to much he doesnt understand but surely too much) as servants take him to be bathed and a healer follows them to check his wounds, the drugs are wearing and his face neck and chest are screaming in pain, there's a dull ache between his legs he tries to not think about and when the servant washing the area is gentle he thanks her as sincerely as he can. 

__________________________________________________________________

He leaves on a ship hours later his uncle iroh is there beside him he hasnt seen azula since before the agni ki and he wonders if he will be without her for the rest of his life.

He looks out upon the sea and asks lieutenant jee to plot a course for the western air temple and for the first time zuko truly plots treason.


	2. start to treason

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> zuko makes some friends and casually plots treason with them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings!  
> child abuse mention  
> offhanded spousal rape mention  
> transphobia and missgendering (again zuko cant be out to alot of people but hes getting there)

Zuko gets to the western air temple a week into his banishment. He is quiet as him and his crew explore. It takes him seeing one blackened room for him to make the order for any and all burnt bodies to be piled up in one room. These people have been waiting 100 years to be put to rest hopefully they will be ok with fire nation rites because no one not even his uncle knows the airbenders death rites. As soon as all the bodies have been seen to, zuko and his crew leave and head to the earth kingdom.

__________________________________________________________________

There are few places zuko can go to hide on the ship and there is only one other woman on the ship, Aiko and she is the cook/medic who happens to be as old as uncle and just so happens to hate everyone including uncle. But still zuko hides in her kitchen staying far far out of her way. He hasnt been able to comb his hair in two weeks and its become far far too tangled. But it hurts too bad, it pulls at the burns as he brushes it and also its so thick and heavy it feels like its pulling his burns back and it is so, so long it is down to his waist. He is contemplating shaving his head to get out of the pain but wants to cry he has his mother’s hair and its the only feminine part of him he enjoys and loves and because of the burn he feels that its all he has left of her looks. his fathers hair along with azulas is black with cold cold blue undertones through it, his mother and him have black with bright red undertones. He used to look in the mirror and see her face but not any more this hair is all he has left of her, his voice used to sound a bit like her they were both so soft spoken but no, not anymore the burn has made his voice deep and raspy he doesnt have anything. And maybe he does start crying as he tries his hardest to comb it through in his little corner

Aiko, the strong woman she is, says nothing but pulls her chair out and motions for him to sit in between her legs. He scoots over to her and tries (and fails) to not flinch at her first touch to his head. Quietly she takes his bandages off and starts to gently finger comb his hair. “Ms aiko, uh, ma’am you dont have to do this” 

Aiko hums and continues to gently comb his hair slowly working knots out “my princess how old are you?”

“Im, um,thirteen ma’am” he begins to fidget.

“How old were you when your mother left us dear”

“I was ten ma’am” he is nervous even more now but aiko just hums again and continues and he doesnt have the heart to argue anymore. When she deems it combed as well as she can get it with just her fingers she gathers all his hair and makes a thick fire weave braid and then lays his long braid around his shoulders and re-wraps his face up. His hair no longer hurts infact his hair being braided and wrapped around his shoulders instead of hanging has released some tension on the burn. Zuko turns fully in front of her and bows as deeply as he can in his lazy lotus position “Ms aiko, thank you”   
She continues to do his hair until he is healed.

__________________________________________________________________

It takes zukos face 5 weeks to heal completely, in between the burns and the cuts and infection it takes too long and even as the infection flares up he has been refusing pain medicine for weeks.He is planning treason against the throne and he needs as clear of a head as he can get before he implements his plans.As soon as his face is as healed as it will get he begins to write letters upon letters all addressed to different spies and assassins. 

He knows if ozai is willing to burn his eldest this badly it is only a small amount of time until he begins to take his anger out on his youngest. He will protect his sister anyway he can, even if she was cruel at one point and still rather cruel to this day, zuko knows she can only truly know what ozai has taught her. She grew up watching ozai take his pain and anger out on his wife and eldest and azula learned she could as well. But since their mother left zuko took over her learning as best he could.

So he writes and writes and begs them to keep an eye on azula and on ozai and ask them to report back to him. Many of them travel between the colonies and the capital. He can pay them in poison still he likes to believe they are friends, well, as much of friends as fellow spies can be.

__________________________________________________________________

His vision on his left side is gone, the eye is permanently staring out into the distance and although the clouding in it is minimal it needs to be cleaned daily because of discharge, he refuses to let anyone help him. He's also found that his hearing on his left side is bad. He can maybe hear half of the things said on that side and often he gets a ringing in his ear that leaves him completely deaf on that side. His scars run down his face and neck and spread out over the left half of his chest and shoulder and somehow by the grace of agni his burn perfectly stops so as to not burn his soulmarks. The way the burn abruptly stops makes zuko wonder if some spirit was in some way involved. 

__________________________________________________________________

He gets many letters back written in code but simple words so he can read them. They are keeping close watch to azula, she is slipping ever so slightly mentally but between the spies and the servants she is atleast getting wounds looked at. He feels guilty for her being hurt instead of him but he also knows that with his plan he wont have to worry about their safety from ozai and men like him. Ozai it seems has grown drunk with power hes grown slightly sloppy but with the warning from his spies he knows what ozai has done with the 41st division and all those that survived.

He writes to the two spies he is closest to, ena and kano, explaining his plan in simple detail to see what they think, he doesnt sign them. 

__________________________________________________________________

Ena and Kano both write him back, they are for his plan and they say they will spread the word and they have a suggestion. Their suggestion is that since they have started a type of society maybe they should all wear a mark to show they are loyal to the group one nondescript one that could be explained as just cute or quirky.

That night when his uncle brings him some tea he knows who they will be, he sends them back one word: teapots.

__________________________________________________________________

In the fire nation tattoos are common even his mother had a tattoo of a pearl diver taking up her whole back. Uncle iroh had two dragons dancing along his and it was well know that even the last fire bending avatar was covered in tattoos. The tattoo on your back was after what the people around you seen you as, Zuko was well known as being a kitsune, intelligent and tricky, a person you should just not trust. He was ok with that, he could see it, he would get that back tattoo when he turns 16 but that doesnt mean he couldnt get others. His helmsman,manzo, was the only on the ship with the ability to tattoo and on certain days of the week he could be seen drinking homemade paint stripper with one of the other men tattooing them. 

Zuko goes to them and asks them for a tattoo, just a simple small teapot on the back of his neck that he could hide with his braid. Hes given it a week later.

__________________________________________________________________

It takes him 3 and a half months before he sees zhao again. He is getting off his ship at the local port hes going to try(again) to get supplies actually delivered to his ship, Lt. jee and uncle iroh are behind him, zhao is standing at the bottom alone. “Ah if it isnt my wife, i was wondering when i would see you again”

Zuko nods and mumbles his greeting of “husband”

Zhao forcefully pulls him closer and yanks him into a kiss he doesnt want and zuko has to stop his hands from going anywhere inappropriate with company watching. ''Tell me, wife? why don't you dine with me and perform your womanly duties? I do so love what youve done to your hair '' that he grabs ahold of zukos long braid and yanks and maybe just maybe zuko lifts his heavy boot and kicks zhao in the shin but jee and iroh will never tell.

He sends Lt jee and uncle iroh to get the supplies theyll probably be much more efficient at it, iroh knows what is needed and jee will make sure uncle isnt swindled and the supplies will hopefully make it to the ship.

He goes with zhao and plays the game, serving him and pouring wine for him, he keeps his own drinking to a minimum filling zhaos cup twice as often as his own. His spy friend, Ena, had taught him to use his sexuality in situations like this,even though he is young there are creeps and it was will atleast be more useful once his own bosom comes in, he knows what zhao wants and he can be eloquent just enough to get info from him. And if he winds up in zhaos bed, well he is not ashamed to go that far for that amount of info.

__________________________________________________________________

He is escorted back to his ship in the morning and although his happiness looks like its a wife happy to see their husband he truely knows its because he has learned new things.  
He grabs some blank sheets of paper and writing utensils and wanders into his empty corner of the kitchen and begins to write his letter using the bottom of a pot as his table.

Aiko takes one look at his rumpled clothes, mussed hair and swollen lips and starts making tea. She sets it in front of him and goes back to her cooking as Lt jee runs in. jee looks around and finally finds him as aiko silently points him out. “Ma’am! Your back, we got the supplies that were needed.”

Zuko doesnt even bother from looking up from his letter. “Thank you lieutenant i appreciate it sorry to have saddled you with my duties”

Jee sticks his head out of the still open door and looks around before closing the door as silently as possible and turning back to him. “Ma’am tell me did you learn anything from zhao?”

He stops at that, because should he inform his crew? He may die too soon for telling them, and if he succeeds his crew will die. He knows for a fact that he will be dead for the plan, killing the firelord the way he plans on killing him is illigal even if he is next in line and honestly there wont be any way to deny it. Even the other teapots know that they will be killed for this plan, after all theres no way for double crossing spies to remain alive. They would forever bee seen as untrustworthy for double crossing the firelord. Can he truely shove them into this? He knows he cant let his uncle join in hes needed for the plan.

Aiko noticing the pause and not even looking up from her pot says “my princess drink your tea”

He is taken aback but does take a sip and sure enough he finds the taste of babys bane mixed in with the green tea. Maybe he can trust at least these two after all he was told by zhao last night that him trying to rid himself of a baby would be considered an offence worthy of death. He takes two big gulps and puts the cup down 

“i did learn alot but first you must promise me my uncle will remain ignorant of everything” aiko turns and nods and jee salutes and nods “ok well first thing is that im two-souled, ive kept my birth name but im a prince not a princess”

Jee sits down and aiko nods saying “thats all good and well my prince but what did you learn?”

Zuko tries to not smile, it feels good to tell his secret and not have it blow up in his face, but he does need to be serious “ive learned the true terms of my banishment and what zhao plans on doing for the future involving me”

Jee perks up at that “you didnt know your own terms of banishment? The general and us were never told but we assumed you at least knew”

“I was never told no i knew i couldnt come back unless i had the avatar or were pregnant but other than that i knew nothing. Ozai told zhao when i was passed out at the wedding party”

“Well my prince you gonna share?”

“Right right well obviously I have to either have the avatar or I'm pregnant but also I will never be allowed to take power even if I go back with the avatar. If and only if ozai decides to accept me as his child again and I'm put back on the throne, Zhao will have all the power he will make all of the decisions I make and I will only be firelord because of my blood. Zhaos plan is working his way into the court and war room he wants to be high up and influential he wants to get me pregnant faster in order to get back sooner hes been forced to search for the avatar as well. Im also not allowed to set foot on any fire nation territories and because ive lost my honor no one has to treat me honerably hence why the last time i went out to buy supplies the guy took our money and gave us nothing. So im sorry jee but you and uncle might be the two buying supplies from now on”

All was silent until aiko turned around to face him “i will continue to fix you a drink after you see zhao just come to me and i will help”

Jee gasps and zuko looks up from his letter at last “you realize that it is treason correct? You know the consequences of treason” when she nods he looks to jee who although he looks a little green, sets his face with a stern expression and nods “so long as you both know would you like to hear about the teapots?”

They nod “i knew you had a reason for you to have manzo tattoo a teapot on you. Weve been trying to figure out what it ment it had to be a code of some kind”

He nods “the teapots are a network of spies and assassins from the capital who stand with me and my secret quest” the two infront of him are holding their breath waiting for the next shoe to drop “i plan on killing the firelord, putting iroh on the throne and stopping this asinine war. You have a chance to leave and pretend you do not know or...you can join us. Tattoo a teapot on yourself somewhere not noticeable and spread the word of how evil the war is but only to those you trust let them get a teapot let them join the cause because ill be home in time for the next eclipse and when it happens i plan on taking him and all his generals down and just remember uncle must never know if he learns it will jeopardize the whole plan”

__________________________________________________________________

In the next few weeks more and more of his crew wear matching tattoos of teapots, some more difficult to spot than the others but still. It takes 4 months before his whole crew has teapots on them and iroh is none the wiser.


	3. a meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> zuko visits the south pole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings  
> i think the only one is talk of forced pregnancy

Its been three years on a ship, three years of secrets and three years of faking trying to find the avatar when really he was plotting. They were on their way to the south pole, it was one of the only places he hadnt ‘searched’ and the only reason they were going was because zhao had mentioned it.He's planning on just showing up asking if theyve seen the avatar and leaving as quickly as possible. And honestly hes wondering if he can talk them into trading some new rope for a whole lot of fish or fire nation spices. Ever since zuko was first swindled on his food order he instead bought a ton of rope and him and his crew made nets and fish for their own food now. So now all they have to buy from towns are spices and rice and any other vegetable and fruit they need. Bless aiko for being such a good cook, honestly they dont deserve her.

Him and jee are having a quiet talk about his plans, after all his 16th birthday is in a week and zhao wont be far behind. His uncle, and aiko are playing pai sho to keep uncle out of the way while the crew have their talks and spread the news he had gotten from one of the spies. The helmsman yells from above and when zuko looks back at him, hes pointing out into the distance.

There's a bright white column of light that has come up in the distance and theres only one thing that it could be. His plans might be ruined. He starts to stumble back but jee places a strong hand on his back to hold him up and whispers as quietly as he can “sir what should we do”

He straightens and turns around to face the helmsman and shouts “manzo go straight toward the light it has to be the avatar!” and then turns to jee and whispers back “meet me and aiko in the kitchen”

He walks away from his uncles instances of what the light could have been. Hes broken into the dragoncomb catacombs he knows alot about the avatar and what the avatar state looks like and there's no way the light wasnt the avatar.

__________________________________________________________________

Hes sitting in his corner of the kitchen trying to braid his hair with shaking hands when jee and aiko come in. aiko takes one look at him and says “jee you start tea, zuko you come here.”

When she pulls a chair out and sets down she motions him to sit between her legs. As soon as her fingers are combing through his hair he relaxes, closing his eyes and feels the large ball of anxiety slowly leave him. By the time the tea is done aiko is quickly and efficiently braiding his hair back. Jee pours all three a cup and hands zuko his while sitting down “sir if i may be so bold whats the plan now? Do we chase the avatar or wait another week? We could always turn back around and claim to have been here”

Zuko takes a sip while he thinks his words through, “i think...we have to go to the village,we need supplies and if their willing to trade us for new rope we will be better set by the time we make it to the earth kingdom again. We need some of the fish gone because its going to go bad before we can eat it and maybe they could use it, but we need to be able to make it to kyoshi island. They are always willing to trade and sell to us. I say we ask about the avatar and when they say they havnt seen them, say ok and go about our business. Hopefully uncle doesnt get suspicious of us dropping it.”

Aiko ties his hair up and wraps it around his shoulders, “thats all well and good but what if they say they have seen the avatar?”

He scoots back into his corner facing both of them again “maybe...we try? To capture him then? But no hurting any of the villagers! If they fight back then we incapacitate but not burn them or hurt them long term. I mean i'm not above being forced into pregnancy considering i plan on, you know, destroying the entire fire nation chain of command and then dying for that like i just need to be back in the fire nation by the time the eclipse comes. If they say they've seen the avatar my plans may be ruined. What if ozai decides i cant come home even if i am pregnant because he came back? I think we may need to change the plan regardless”

Aiko nods and jee takes a long pull of his drink “we’ll work on it as it goes. Maybe the plan can use us being a little spontaneous but sir i think for now you should get some rest. We’ll spread the word of the plan we should reach the village by noon. Lets wake up and train a bit and then when we get there we can figure it out”

“Ok...ok i can work with that” he stands up and starts toward the door.

aiko pats him on the back “ill send you a meal up dear go rest”

__________________________________________________________________

Jee and zuko are sparing on the deck of the ship when it happens, a fire nation flare goes up in the air. Its common knowledge that the fire nation has lost full ships to the water tribe,back when there were waterbenders that is. None of them are shocked to see it and as zuko goes to look in the telescope to see whats going on he sees someone jumping down from the ships bridge. The way they jump from such great heights, whoever that is must be an airbender.

He waits until the person is out of sight with the scope before lifting off “ i dont see anything. Lets head toward the village and ask and hopefully trade some supplies.”

__________________________________________________________________

Sure enough they reach the village by noon time, they stop so far from the edge of the village and take a dinghy down he only takes jee. Uncle wants to put up a fight about it but well he is expecting zuko to me a mouthy teenager so it works in the end, even if he will be getting a talking to when he gets back, atleast there will be tea.

When they get the rest of the way to the village there is a warrior about his age standing at the ready at the top of a snow wall. Hes glad he didnt bring uncle because he knows that warriors paint. It looks just like the wolf on his arm and although it doesnt mean that this man is his soulmate he hopes they dont come to a brawl. Jee is looking at him with a look of pity and zuko has to subtly elbow him before the tribe members notice, it is hard to keep a soulmark a secret on a ship that small especially when one has as many as he does. Zuko and jee lift their hands up in a show of goodwill zuko looks up at the warrior who has pointed his spear at them “good sir we mean you no harm we are just here for information and a possible trade of goods, we are nothing but a dishonored ship we have no tie to the fire nation.”

The warrior squints motioning them to stay where they're at while him and an elderly woman come out from behind the wall. The woman looks them up and down, hopefully noticing the used old armor they are both wearing. He hopes like those on kyoshi island they will look at his scar and realize he holds no loyalty. The warrior hasnt put lowered his spear. The elder speaks up, finally asking “what info do you seek and what do you have to trade?”

He doesnt lower his arms he hopes they will see he isnt a threat “we are looking for the avatar if you havnt seen him we will be on our way. We were hoping to trade some spices and fish we caught for some new rope to make nets with.”

The warrior looks at them quizzically slightly lowering his weapon “you dont buy your own food? Ive never heard of a fire nation ship not buying or restocking there food”

“The firelord has deemed me dishonorable no one has to honor what i ask or pay for if i want my crew fed we must have rope to make nets to catch our own food”

The warrior starts to speak up before the elder stops him “we have not seen the avatar and we will not trade with you”

Zuko nods and bows deeply at the waist “thank you for the information. I am sad we will not trade but I understand. I humbly ask of you to forgive us for intruding on your land and we will be on our way.” 

Zuko and jee turn there backs to them in a show of trust and get back on their dinghy, jee starts the engine and the two take off back to the ship.

__________________________________________________________________

Iroh is pacing when they get back and the moment he sees zuko he runs to him and hugs him “uncle? Are you alright?”

Uncle pulls back but doesnt let go “what you did was dangerous please prince zuko do not do that again. You will hurt this old mans heart with worry.”  
“Sorry uncle i didnt mean to cause you alarm” he really didnt. But uncle doesnt let him go until jee asks to play a game of pai sho

__________________________________________________________________

They havnt even made it out of the icy parts before a large beast comes flying toward them. Zuko makes the call to wait and see and everyone is in a standstill until the beast lands on the deck of his ship. Theres alot of people steadying others and there are yells of complaints sent toward the beast as it causes the shit to violently rock. But then.

There is a boy, a child, an actual child no older than zuko was when he was banished lifting himself off the beast head and onto the deck of his ship. He looks like he is floating and suddenly zuko realizes two things, this boy has to be the avatar, and this boy is his soulmate. He has the tattoo of an arrow all over he can see peking out of his sleeve the other soulmarks. He knows the others see and know the same thing he has found out, he hopes this isnt a breaking point for any of them. He hopes this isnt the breaking point for uncle.

Zuko lifts his arms up hoping the avatar wont attack, the crew follows his unspoken command and lift there hands as well. “Sir, what is it you need? What brings you to my ship?”

The boy tilts his head “you were looking for me but didnt stay to look. You just left, why?”

Zuko takes a deep breath and lets it out as slowly as he can “i took them at their word, if they hadnt seen you then i trusted that they didnt.”

“What would you have done if you had found me?”

Zuko glances at his uncle who looks amused, he has to lie he has no choice, uncle is here he thinks his search is for real “i would...i would take you back to my father. I dont know what he would do to you.”

“Whose your father?” there are two more heads popping up out of the weird saddle thing on the beast. One looks like the warrior without the face paint and the other must be his sister. They look too much alike.

“Fire lord ozai, i am his eldest child.”

The boy hums looking pointedly at the left side of his face and neck. His chest is covered by his armor but it seems his eyes can see the burn mark down his body. “Were did you get that scar from? Its a burn who gave it to you? And who gave you those slashes they all look so painful across your mouth”

And zuko has had enough he will scare this boy (his soulmate hes found two of his soulmates in an hour) he shoots a fire ball out it lands about a foot and a half away from the boy but it does its job he jumps and spins his air until he is on top of the beast head and they are taking off. And zuko doesnt care what his uncle thinks anymore he orders his men to not attack, to let them go.

__________________________________________________________________

Its dark now and they are far enough away from the south pole and the avatar hasnt shown himself again. Zuko hids in the kitchen were uncle doesnt dare go and cries and cries until he has nothing left. 

There is a tentative knock at the door to the kitchen and aiko who was at first cooking dinner and is now washing dishes goes and answers it with a gruff “what do you want”

“I came to check on the prince” Zuko cant see who it is from this angle but he knows the voices of all his crew its manzo the helmsman. “I uh i wanted to give him a tattoo to help keep stuff hidden better”

Zuko feels like crying again “ms aiko please let him in. we all know it has to happen”

Aiko reluctantly lets him in and he sets his supplies on the table pulling two chairs next to each other. Zuko sits with his left side to the man and takes his armor, shirt and bandages off letting both of them see his soulmarks in all their glory. Manzo starts to draw flowers over them, he draws lilys and carnations, hyacinths and chrysanthemums. Their beautiful and he can still see bits of the blue between the flowers. Its fitting for him to tattoo over them with funeral flowers, he is mourning for a love he will never have, a love he will never get.

He will protect his soulmates, its obvious now that they have shown themselves as the avatar he will be hunted, most likely by zhao. He can work with that, he can and kind of has already plotted against his husband and he will do so again. He can try to foil zhaos plans with his own he can and will take a beating for his soulmates if it means he can protect them all. And if he fails in his quest to kill ozai maybe just maybe they can kill ozai while he is weak. But for now he knows its safer for them to never know or find out he is their soulmate; it puts them all at far too much risk. Maybe he can die before they find out and maybe they will think that their 6th soulmate has died in the war. 

He doesnt realize he is crying again until aiko puts her homemade rum in front of him and tells him to drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i ment to tell you all this last chapter but i will probably only be able to post every saturday/sunday and then randomly throughout the week. i take care of my elderly adopted mother(shes my grandma actually) during the week until my (birth) dad(her son) comes home to take care of her and since hes home all weekend im able to do things like write fanfiction but i just wanted you to all know the semi posting schedule


	4. conception

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> zuko has gotten good at lying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings!!!!!  
> semi-graphic spousal rape (starts with "zukos head is spinning" and ends at the next chapter break)  
> underage drinking  
> drug use  
> forced pregnancy  
> transphobia  
> misgendering

zuko and iroh are walking down the plank of the ship at a military base, he is to meet zhao here for his 16th birthday and even though they are days late he can already see zhao standing before them “uncle please dont tell zhao about the avatar. If word gets out everyone will be looking for him”

“Nephew are you hiding him because he is your soulmate or because he is your catch?”

Zuko must lie and he knows it will hurt “he is my catch, these men knowing will slow my progress”

“But zuko you and me know you will be home in a few months, why not wait?” zuko must not turn around, he has always been a terrible liar, he works better with half-truths.

“My father has given me a mission I must respect. Even if i will be home in a few months i should still try. I can release the information after i am sent back.”

“My wife, what info?” there he is the bastard of the hour. His hearing is much better than his and he hates him for it.

“Nothing husband just silly rumors ive been following.” he lets zhao pull him into a kiss even if after all this time it still disgusts him.

“My princess you should join your husband for a drink. I have missed your turn into actual womanhood and would quite like to spend some time with you after all.”

“Would this be an alone affair or one we will take with my uncle there?” he not so subtly grabs zhaos hand that is trying to sneak its way under his chest armor.

“i think alone, there are many things i would wish to speak to you about, such as why my wife is wearing male armor. It's bad enough your voice has changed to be deeper you shouldnt parade as a man. I also want to know what this info you have is, after all if its important to the throne then wouldnt your father want to hear of it?”

“Dont be ridiculous husband you know i wear male armor because it is all i have available. But still i would be honored to spend the night with my esteemed commander.” and with that they bid iroh goodbye and with a hand possessively around his waist zhao half drags him to his room.

__________________________________________________________________

“And by the years end,the earth kingdom's capital will be under our rule. The fire lord will finally claim victory in this war.” zhao comes up behind him on his good side and sits pulling his cup of wine closer to him and lights and takes a puff of a pipe of bitter weed passing it to zuko.

Zuko takes a drink of his own wine and takes his own puff of the pipe while he thinks his words as carefully as he can “My father and his generals need to think about the fact that the rest of the world will not follow him willingly. It is a fool's idea to think so”

“I see three years at sea have done little to temper that tongue of yours.” zuko is careful to not flinch. “so, my wife, how is your search for the avatar going?”

He takes another sip as he passes the pipe“ we have found nothing, your hint at searching the south pole led to nothing not even trade”

Zhao finally takes a drink “what did you expect the avatar has been dead for 100 years along with the rest of the airbenders.” zhao turns to him polling him against his chest and smirks “unless youve found some evidence that hes alive?”

Zuko does nothing but look at him from the corner of his eye as zhao takes another hit “My husband do you think im lying to you?”

Zhao grabs his chin tilting his head up to look at him and as he blows smoke in his face says “i think you cant trust a woman whose been committing treason for three years running”

“I have no idea what your talking about”

“You dont? Dont worry ive put a stop to it. i've sent my men to search your ship while you're off it for any type of contraceptive.”

“Husband, i swear ive done no such thing. Any you find would be belonging to the medic of the ship she is also a woman”

Zhao snears and tightens his grip on his face “dont play dumb she is a woman past her prime! I see you have lost the last bit of loyalty you have left”

“My darling husband please i beg of you have faith in your humble wife” zuko snakes his fingers into his sideburns and pulls him down into a soft kiss “please my husband allow me to show you how loyal i can be”

Zhao smiles as he lets go of his face and reaches out and grabs zukos forgotten wine, he hands it to zuko along with the pipe “well my dear why dont you start by having some fun with me.”

Zuko smiles as he takes them both, he will do anything to keep his plan in action after all.

__________________________________________________________________

Zukos head is spinning from the large amount of alcohol and smoke as zhao lays him down in bed, he takes zukos clothes,bandages and armor off of him almost gently,hes glad even in his clouded mind that zhao doesnt realize all the new tattoos he has. His arm isnt the only thing thats been tattooed his back is covered now in a kitsune. Zhao kisses his way down his body leaving marks upon his skin, he skimming lips over the scared, deformed side of his chest and sucking on the unmarked side making zuko jump. Zhao continues his journey down until his face is in between his legs, he bites deeply into the meat of his thigh and then after glancing up to meet his eyes he dives in and devours zuko until he cums.

When he is done he comes back up to lay beside zuko mouthing at the not scared side of his neck and holding his cup to his mouth makes him drink more sweet wine. Zhao takes a hit of smoke and leans in without blowing it back out and kisses zuko roughly blowing the smoke into his lungs. 

Zuko is clumsy and tries to turn his head away as zhao feeds him the core of a pineapple with cinnamon honey but zhao makes him eat it still. 

For the first time in their marriage zhao prepares him for sex and the pain when he enters is nonexistant. Whether that be because of the alcohol or zhao taking his time he doesnt know, all he wants is to curl up and sleep, but every sharp thrust makes him jump awake again. He writhes when zhao makes him cum after him, and whines when zhao holds his legs in the air to make the seed stick. They spend the night that way, with zhao forcing more and more alcohol and smoke on him and then going for another round. 

He awakes sometime in the morning,still drunk and high, to aiko above him cleaning in between his legs, he sobs when a sensitive area is hit and she shushes him gently. She dresses him lightly forgoing his breast band and heavy armor and then he sees jee with a grim look about him lifting him into his arms, he can vaguely hear his uncle talking to zhao but he passes back out in his lieutenants arms before he can confirm it.

__________________________________________________________________

He is still sleeping when they depart to kyoshi island.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so pretty much this chapter zhao forces zuko to come talk to him and spend the night with him, zhao knows zuko has been using babys bane and has sent people to his ship to take it all. he calls in zukos loyalties and zuko uses his 'womanly' charm to distract zhao so his plan isnt ruined and zhao never learns about the avatar. zhao gets him drunk and high and then rapes him, he uses(real) pregnancy superstitions to try to get him pregnant and continues to feed him alcohol and rape him through the night. in the morning aiko and jee come to collect him and zuko hears iroh and zhao talking but doesnt know whats said.
> 
> sorry for the short chapter but i didnt want to to add in kyoshi island with this chapter  
> next chapter will be alot lighter zuko and suki vibe while the gaang are confused
> 
> i also want to thank everyone who has commented, i wasnt expecting this to be so popular at all and your all honestly the reason i havnt given this up after one chapter not saying if you stop commenting ill stop just saying its nice to know people do like this so sincerely thank you


	5. kyoshi island

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> zuko and suki hang out with the gaang

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so like there is like one semi-gross comment from sokka but its cleared up and no other comments are made really the gaang is just alittle confused about zukos gender but once they learn it there all cool

Uncle iroh, zuko and all 30 members of his crew are standing out on the deck of the wani. All are holding a basket of fish, the only one away from the group with his basket is the helmsman who has his basket up above with him at the helm. They are entering kyoshi island territory and the unagi is not far away and the sea dragon demands a sacrifice in order to get past. 

Thanks to kyoshi island being neutral to the war most of his crew, including him, are in more casual clothing, and no one is wearing armor. It also helps that no other fire nation ship has realized they just need to feed the sea dragon and it will leave you alone so they can dress casually and have a nice time in a neutral port. Of course they only found out by accident how to feed the unagi, when they were disposing of a bunch of fish about to go bad. 

It doesnt take long for the unagi to show itself and the moment it does the crew start to wave their baskets and jump around to get the great beast's attention. The unagi comes up to them and luckily, they've been here enough times it recognizes them and just opens its huge mouth and lets the crew pour their baskets into its mouth. As soon as the unagi has been fed by everyone, and gotten a few pats on the snout, it dives back under the water and swims off.

He laughs and cheers along with his crew as they land safely on the coast of kyoshi island. He oversees his crew leaving for shore leave and then departs himself, his uncle and jee have already gotten the food report from aiko and the budget and are going to go get the food and other supplies they need. Zuko tries to help since kyoshi island has always treated him as though he still has honor but jee not so nicely nudges him off the ship with a stern ‘go hang out with your friends’ and well who is zuko to deny that. Its not often he gets to hang out with people his age. The youngest on his ship after him is 10 years his senior.

He jogs down the landing ramp and is met with suki already down waiting for him. Shes out of her armor which is rare for her, her hair is loose from any tie or headband she looks so happy but so does he. He runs into her arms and lifts and twirls her as she laughs, and as soon as he sets her back down she lifts him up as well as he giggles. Let it be said, its nice being friends with someone not only as strong as you but the same size. She pulls back keeping her arms around his waist and with a smile so big it looks like her face will crack in half, says “zuko! You’ll never guess who i found!”

“Hmm….someone stupid enough to not be scared of the unagi?”

She laughs loudly and it sounds like little bells “no silly thats only you and your crew. I met my soulmates!” zukos smile dims as she talks. Theyve never talked about soulmates before, not that he isnt happy for her he just assumed soulmates to her were like they are for him since they both keep them covered all the time “They came here yesterday! I didnt even know until one of them wanted to learn about our fighting style and I made him change into our battle armor! Please I want you to meet them, you'll never guess who they are!”

Zuko nods and tries to look as happy as she is, he honestly isnt sure why he is so sad. She looks radiant in her joy and hes so happy for her but still he feels so sad “id love to suki”

__________________________________________________________________

Suki and him are hand in hand as she pulls him toward the dojo, as they get to the doors she's nearly jumping up and down in excitement. “Ok so i know your gonna freak out but please dont attack them”

“Suki i would never! This island is neutral and you all like me. Why would I get into a fight with someone?” she turns and nods even though her smile doesnt go away and opens the door. “Oh...thats why”

Sitting in the dojo are the avatar and his two water tribe companions. When the two water tribe teens jump up and get into fighting stances it takes a lot for him to not bolt or get into his own fighting stance. And suki bless her just smiles brighter and pulls zuko close to her “hey guys meet zuko! Hes my friend and i promise even though hes fire nation scum i love him and he wont hurt you! Zuko meet three of my soulmates! This is sokka, katara, and aang!” she points them all out so he knows who is who.

Zuko tries to not smile “Thank you suki, love being called scum” 

Sokka doesnt look as amused as him and suki and spits out “he has attacked us! Hes looking for aang and said he was taking him to the fire lord. He shot at aang with his fire bending!”

Suki looks back at him quizically zuko makes a so-so gesture and says “half true, yes im looking for the avatar and yes i said i was going to take him to the firelord, but did i really attack you? I mean i aimed my shot two feet away from him. I just wanted you to all leave. Also i left your village alone and never even set foot in it just like I said I was going to.”

Suki nods and asks “what did they say to you to make you want them to go away?”

Zuko sighs “the avatar brought up my scars”

“Ooooooh….yeah that will do it. Rule number one of dealing with zuko is you dont bring up his scars. Also have you all lived under a rock, how could you not know what happened?” zuko pinches her side and screws his face up when she turns and looks at him “ok ok i wont say anything. Oh wait how did you turning 16 go with zh-uuuuuh you know who?”

“Shitty, but also ill be home in like two or three months. Depends on how long it takes for me to realize im not having my moon cycle.” she pats his shoulder and gives him an understanding smile.

“Well, i’ll miss you”

He smiles back “I'll miss you too suki” 

The three outliers look confused and zuko decides they can just be confused. Hes not talking about it. But then katara asks “what do you mean you’ll be home in a few months if you dont have your moon cycle? Isnt a moon cycle and thing girls go through?”

And suki decides that even if zuko doesnt want to talk about it shes going to “oh zuko has to get pregnant before he can go back to the fire nation”

The three look even more confused before sokka blurts out loudly “wait youre a girl? But your voice?”

Zuko turns a murderous look his way “call me a girl and i will burn your eyebrows off suki be damned! My voice changed cuz of the burn you idiot!”

Suki laughs “rule number two of dealing with zuko, hes two-souled even though its illegal in the fire nation and we respect the fact that hes a man because it wont be the first time ive seen him burn someones eyebrows off for calling him a girl”

All three nod and then the avatar, aang who hasnt spoken or gotten up finally speaks up “so if you have to get pregnant before you can go back does that mean you have a husband? Unless the fire nation is ok with unwed pregnancies now i know they werent 100 years ago”

Zuko decides to take pity on the boy he needs it and it makes him feel better to know his soulmates are a little more prepared “i am married. I'm married to a commander of the navy and you, In all honesty? Should be much more scared of him than you are of me. I wont be able to fight for much longer but if my husband catches you your toast.”

Aang nods “is he your soulmate?”

The fireplace flairs brighter as he sighs deeply “no. no one in the fire nation marries their soulmate anymore unless you're very very lucky. I wasnt very lucky. That's the last I'm speaking about my husband.”

Aang nods again “that's fair. Have you met your soulmate before?”

Zuko looks up toward agnis light and silently prays “yes i have”

Suki beams “you have! You have to tell me about them!”

Zuko shakes his head “no i'd rather not they dont all like me and also i'll never be able to be with them” it's another half-truth, he doesnt actually know how his soulmates feel about him, if suki is their soulmate that means shes his too and he knows she likes him. The avatar is a toss up, and hes sure sokka and katara dont like him. But he also knows they will never be able to be with him so why get their hopes up, hes married and planning on being dead by the end of the war. He doesnt want to hurt them all anymore than he has to.

Suki softens and grabs his hand “why dont you sit with us and hang out?” 

Zuko smiles sadly and takes his hand back. He tucks a bit of her hair loose and wild around her face behind her ear “i cant we cant stay here long. If I'm seen in the same place as the avatar i’ll get in trouble. You and I both know there are fire nation ships patrolling the area. I think me and my crew will get the supplies we need and take off later tonight. I need to round the crew up and get them ready. Im sorry suki, maybe ill be able to see you again before i have to go back. Or atleast send you a letter.”

Suki hugs him, holds him tightly “please be careful”

Zuko holds her to him just as tightly “you too. Its dangerous to be their soulmate, keep them covered so you're safe. Please suki do that for me” she nods against his shoulder. 

He lets her go and silently heads to the market where he's sure most of his crew are. He doesn't look back and pretends he doesn't have tears in his eyes.

__________________________________________________________________

They leave and head toward the main earth kingdom next.


	6. winter solstice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> zuko rescue his uncle and then tries to rescue his soulmates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings!  
> transphobia  
> spousal abuse   
> (one) threat of rape  
> i promise once zhao is dead alot of the trigger warnings for these chapters will be done with

Zuko is nearing the fire nation colonies when they pull up to an abandoned fire nation earthbending prison ship. Him and his crew board the ship looking around for survivors wondering what has happened here. They scour the ship and find nothing but coal everywhere. The earthbenders must have bended the coal to escape and then took the life boats away back to their own villages. Zuko is more proud of the earthbenders than he cares to admit in uncles presence. 

Hes about to leave but there on the deck there is a flash of blue cloth, who would be wearing blue? This ship was nothing but earthbenders and fire nation. Zuko walks to it and picks it up, he knows this necklace. Its his soulmates necklace, if he remembers correctly its a betrothal necklace, but it looks aged, the stone is smooth in ways that show someone has warn it for a long time. It might be a family heirloom with how loved it feels. He ties it to his wrist to keep it safe and vows that he will return it as soon as possible.

___________________________________________________________________

Their finally into the earth kingdom proper and zuko has lost his uncle. Hes searching the forrest of bamboo for him when finally he comes to an opening “Uncle! where are you? its time to go! Uncle iroh!”

He hears uncle call out an “Over here” and follows his voice frowning when he sees his uncles clothing hanging from a tree branch.

“Uncle? we need to move on.” and there is uncle sitting in a natural hot springs he can already feel a blush rising to his cheeks. This is not how he wants to see his uncle,he hasnt bathed with his family since his mother left zuko takes showers alone far away from all crew members but aiko and he would like to keep it that way thank you. “Uncle we’ve found the avatars trail and wed like to follow it before we lose him again.”

“You look tired prince zuko. Why dont you join me in the hot springs and soak away your troubles? Like we used to do with you, azula, lu ten and your mother?”

Zuko sighs, it does sound nice but no he cant “uncle my troubles cannot be soaked away. Its time to go.”

Uncle laughs “you should take your teachers advice and relax a little”

“Uncle you and I both know if anyone is my teacher is jee” which is true uncle teaches him the basics where jee teaches zuko more acrobatic moves and kicks that jee himself used to use. Zuko is weak in the arms, most of his strength comes from his legs. The two try to teach him a well rounded move set but truly he learns more moves from jee. “Uncle its time to leave get out of the water”

“Ok ok if you insist nephew” Uncle complies lifting himself up and stretching and zuko realizes his mistake and covers his eyes as quickly as possible as he lets out a rather high pitched squeak.

“Never mind uncle why dont you take a few extra minutes! Just meet me back at the ship soon ok!” zuko turns and all but runs back toward the ship.

__________________________________________________________________

When uncle doesnt come back zuko heads back toward the hot springs, he tells himself that uncle just fell asleep and wasnt taken by earthbenders. Uncle is strong and the toughest man zuko knows but hes old and likes to nap an awful lot.

But then he sees the hot springs and its obvious earthbenders were there, they took uncle and he must go find him. He needs him hes the closest he's got to not only a true father but also he selfishly needs him for the throne. 

__________________________________________________________________

He finds a sandal as he follows the path and after a smell hes 100% sure it is in fact his uncles.

Hes following the trail when he hears the sound of something flying. Whatever it is, it's larger than him and going to fly over his head he hides under some trees and looks up above. It doesnt take long for them to fly past but zuko is shocked at what he sees.

“Is that?” he runs out from under his cover to get a second look and sure enough it is. He sees the avatar flying by on avatar rokus dragon; they look like spirits. Why can he see this?

__________________________________________________________________

It doesnt take him much longer to find uncle. Theyre about to crush his hands when zuko jumps and kicks the rock away. Him and his uncle fight together until all the earthbenders are down and iroh laughs when zuko hands him his clothes and begs him to put them on. 

They head back to the ship together and zuko is happy to notice his uncle looks proud of him.

__________________________________________________________________

Its jee who spots the avatar and after telling him they are headed toward the fire nation zuko decides he must follow them too. His uncle is no longer proud of him but well you cant always win in these situations. They catch up to the avatar and zuko decides to just follow them. 

There is a blockade of fire nation ships ahead and his uncle is begging him to turn back but him and his crew know they must keep going. They do their best to stay out of the line of fire headed towards them. It seems whoever is in charge of the blockade doesnt care about them.

He almost has a heart attack when he sees one of the avatars group falling toward the water but the beast flies back down and catches whoever was falling.

The crew keep the ship going forward and although it looks like they will be rammed by two ships from the blockade they cut their engines and let them pass. He looks up at the commanding ship and meets his husbands eyes. 

He can work with this.

__________________________________________________________________

It doesnt take long to realize that zhao is following them and their smoke trail. He takes a dinghy and heads off toward where he can see the avatar and sends his uncle and crew away. He hopes zhao doesnt spot him. he safely puts kataras necklace away in his room so he doesnt lose it on the way.

He gets to were the avatar is right as aang is flying into avatar rokus room. He hides behind a pillar as the sages finally get the upper hand and tie katara and sokka to a pillar. He can hear them interrogating the fire sage who has apparently turned against them and bides his time until aang comes back out. He watches quietly as a group of sages try to get into the door but it refuses to open.

“Why did you help the avatar, shyu?”

“Because it is the fire sages duty to help the avatar. It is still our sacred duty”

Someone near the stairs starts to clap “What a moving and heartfelt performance. I'm certain the fire lord will understand” a chill runs up zukos spine of course zhao has seen his ship and followed him. “Especially when you explain why you betrayed him.”

Zuko peeks out and sees the head sage step forward toward zhao “commander zhao it is an honor”

Zhao hums and turns toward where zuko is hiding, he quickly turns around hoping he hasnt been seen. “And princess zuko, it was a noble effort but your little smoke screen didnt work. your lying about the avatar didnt either he was spotted near the southern air temple. Two traitors in one day, the fire lord will be pleased. Someone please go grab my wife from behind that pillar will you?”

two men come from either side and zuko knows when hes been beat. They haul him up and out in front of zhao with his arms held tightly behind his back and he tries to not notice katara and sokkas shocked gasps that hes been here for a while. “Your to late husband, the avatar is inside and the doors are sealed”

“No matter my dear wife he has to come out sooner or later” zhao gets in his face and grabs it roughly not unlike when he first put his marks on his face. “Now why are you putting my child at risk? Ive done you a great service by allowing you to play on your ship instead of warming my bed i think i should maybe take that away that privilege im sure your crew wont mind being conscripted into my crew”

Zuko has heard enough he rears his head back making zhao lose his grip and slams it forward into zhaos nose at the same time he kicks upward aiming for zhaos stomach. The two men holding him pull him away from zhao as he crumples forward. He can hear sokka cheering for him which almost makes it worth it when zhao finally stands back up and punches zuko in the face. Zuko can do nothing but laugh at him.

He can hear sokka and katara yelling sokka sounds so angry as he screams “this is your husband? How dare he hit you! You shouldnt hit him how dare you! Isnt he pregnant with your kid why would you hurt him!”

Zhao sneers at them all before grabbing zukos neck and squeezing tightly, choking him “shes my wife and my property ill do what i please with her. And you, going by him? So it wasnt a rumor, you are running around as a man still. I assumed you marrying me would make you knock that off i guess not. You really do just have a death wish dont you wife.” he looks up at the two men holding him and says “Let him go”

As soon as theyre no longer holding him zuko grabs zhaos arm and squeezes he can barely light his hands on fire before zhao hooks an ankle around the back of his leg and knocks him backwards he lands hard with zhao on top of him.

Zhao tightens the hold on his neck and zuko can barely hear sokka and katara screaming over the ringing in his ears. He can feel zhaos other hand wrap around his neck tightening so tight zuko fears his neck will break. Zuko cant use his flames so he scratches at zhao even catching him in the face at one point. It doesnt take long for zukos vision to start to tunnel before he finally passes out.

__________________________________________________________________

He wakes up still on the floor but turned over with his arms bound behind him and his blind side up, to sokka and katara taking turns throwing insults at zhao and if not for the fact that his mouth is terribly dry and his throat hurts as though the burn is new he would laugh. Hes pretty sure they could put his sailors to shame with the words they know

“Assbreath”

“Bag of dicks”

“Cocksucker”

“Dingleberry”

“Earthworm”

“Katara that one was weak, also, fuck bucket”

“Oh like you could come up with a better E word sokka, also, gobshite”

“Horse’s ass”

“Inbred”

“Jacka-”

“Stop it!” and zuko does laugh despite how much it hurts because he could have listened to them go through the whole alphabet and it never would have gotten old, but zhao sounds pissed over some silly words spoken by children “and you! Stop laughing or would you rather I choke you out again”

And sweet katara screams “You wont lay another hand on him!”

At the same time sokka yells “just you wait till im out of these chains!”

He can barely see zhao turning around and walking toward them when the door to the temple opens. Zhao turns quickly and roars out “fire!”

But then the fire is caught and pushed back at them all the chains around sokka and katara dissolve along with the ones around his wrist. Katara and sokka run to him and practically pick him up and put him on his feet. He looks toward the avatar “is that? Avatar roku?”

“Is that who that is?” sokka asks

“But where is aang?”

“I think aang is avatar roku?” zhao and his crew run out with the fire sages while the three stand and watch. Roku slams his hands down and cracks the temple in half pulling the lava up and out. And then roku disappears and in his place is aang. The three of them run up to aang and catch him before he falls. “Ok that was cleared up we need to leave i have a dinghy outside we can leave!”

Sokka looks at him from where hes lifting aang up “we dont have time we need appa!”

“Whose appa?” he asks as katara chuckles at him. She grabs his hand and pulls him toward were the wall has crumpled. Sokka follows behind with aang in his arms slowly waking up. 

“He should be here ah! There he is!” and now zuko can see the great big beast is in the air flying towards them, it pulls up next to the window and katara climbs on sokka passes her aang and sokka climbs up onto the beasts head “zuko come on we dont have time!”

She holds out her left hand and zuko can see it. He can see the tip of the arrow peeking out of her sleeve. He grabs her hand with his bandaged left hand and lets her help him up onto the beast.

__________________________________________________________________

They take him to his ship and drop him off. Uncle and aiko are both playing pai sho and they both rush to him as the avatar and his group take back off. Aiko spins him around and starts looking him over. She fusses with his throat where sokka had informed him bruises had been forming and his apparent split lip that he didnt realize he had, though it wasnt hard to miss considering it was split were one of the scars were. 

Zuko says nothing to uncle about what has happened he tells aiko and jee once they make it to the kitchen. All zuko can wonder is when zhao will take him away from his crew and shove him onto his ship. Zhao was good on keeping his threats but the question was when will it happen.

“Jee, aiko, I have an amendment to the plan. How would you like to kill zhao for me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you all enjoyed katara and sokka calling zhao names as much as i did. katara may be against cussing people out and she will deny that she said those things but katara also hates zhao with a passion and is very happy to call him bad words


	7. the blue spirit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> zuko is going to save his soulmate even if it kills him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings!!!!  
> talks of child neglect/abuse  
> forced underage pregnancy  
> thats about it? i think?

Zuko and jee are training alone on the deck of the ship when suddenly the ship turns sharply off course. Zuko and jee run to the helm “who has changed our course and why!”

Manzo is at the wheel and he gives zuko a sorry look, his uncle and a few other crew members are playing pai sho “why nephew i did and it is of utmost importance that we do this ! I have lost something important, my white lotus tile!”

“Uncle im sorry you lost your lotus tile but we are on a deadline!”

“But it is for my pai sho game, most people think the lotus tile is insignificant. But it is essential for the unusual strategy that i employ”

“Uncle we dont have time.”

“See, you, like most people,underestimate its value. Just give me 10 minutes to check the merchants at this port of call. Hopefully they’ll have the lotus tile in stock and i can get on with my life.” zuko sighs deeply as calmly as he can but he can feel the lick of flame come out to show his anger even when he doesnt mean for it to show. He knows he has lost and he must accept it now “i’m very lucky to have such an understanding nephew.”

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Zuko lets jee take care of uncle,with a set budget of how much money uncle is allowed to spend on junk, while him and aiko slink around in common clothing. They're looking for spy info they keep their eyes out for anyone with a teapot tattooed on them, its a shifty enough place they are more likely to get hit on for their femininity than look suspicious. 

Zuko finds one of his spies in a bar and as aiko and him sit with them to discuss what they know thats new there is a large commotion outside. All three look outside the half open window and catch a flash of yellow and orange and two flashes of blue with white. “I elect that we ignore obviously who that is and go back to discussing our business”

He gets two nervous nods and alot of info on what his sister has been up to. Its concerning to hear what is happening to her but he knows he will be back in another month's time, his pants have grown ever so slightly tight and he knows his moon blood is due in less than a week, he will take the test when it doesnt show. Aiko has already purchased the wheat and barley seeds. For now he needs to keep his uncle occupied and make sure he continues to believe his lies.

__________________________________________________________________

Zuko can feel the storm coming, his scar stings in a way that only happens when a big storm is coming. He goes to Manzo and tells him to alter course, to go the long way round to miss the storm. 

___________________________________________________________________

It is time for his moon blood and it hasnt come its been almost a week since it has been time and it hasnt showed. Theyre on their way to the colonies, theres a letter that has come in from zhao and zuko keeps getting stuck on words, hes about to take it to uncle even though hes been trying very hard to keep uncle out of the loop about his lacking education.

Hes about to get up, frustrated and angry, when theres a knock at his door. “Sir its me, jee”

“Oh thank agni” the more he thinks about it jee knowing is infinitely better than uncle finding out. “Please jee come in”

Jee walks in and after again looking out into the hallway to make sure he wasnt seen he closes the door, walks to zukos small low table and sits. “Sir i was wondering what zhao said in his letter? Does it have his location?”

Zuko sighs “about that...i cant read the letter”

“What do you mean, was it damaged?”

“No i, um, i mean i was never taught? Well ok i was barely taught i think i have the reading skills of a 10 year old at best”

Jee looks outraged “What do you mean you were never taught? Sir thats outrageous why werent you taught? Do the words swim or something?” 

“No no i uh i had to give up schooling when i was 7. I was only able to go to school for two years once I got my firebending and honestly I was being schooled by a sword master not a teacher. Ozai decided I was too far behind on it and demanded that I train from sunup to sundown until i was caught up to azula. But that was impossible, azula trained less but she was just so gifted there was no way to catch up to someone who could learn a new move a day when your stuck 14 moves behind her and only learning one a week.”

“Sir, does the general know this?” zuko shook his head “sir we need to tell him he can help you learn!”

“Id prefer if my uncle didnt know”

Jee still looked angry but he nodded “well then i'll teach you. I dont know how to teach reading so it will be rough but i can help atleast a little bit pass me zhaos letter ill help you read it and then we can start your lessions”

__________________________________________________________________

Zukos pregnacy test comes back positive, the barley sprouts and its deemed hes having a boy and zuko is silently devastated. He knows for his plan to work he must get pregnant but he never wanted it to happen. He is responsible for the life he is growing but he cant be if he wants to succeed in his plans. He prays to agni to watch over the life he is growing while he does what he must. The guilt is strong and he fears it will eat him alive.

__________________________________________________________________

Zuko sneaks back onto the ship slipping silently and unseen into the kitchens were aiko and jee are sitting. They look troubled and zuko is scared to break this tense silence with more bad news. He makes his next steps louder and although he holds off his laugh at them jumping he doesnt hold back the smile, he has a mask on over his face anyway they cant see it.

Aiko settles faster and speaks up “what did you find out”

“Zhao has been promoted to admiral, he now has the yuyan archers on his side and is planning on using them to capture the avatar. He will succeed. We need to stay close to the stronghold. With the way the avatars luck is hes bound to be close to the stronghold. Once i hear that the avatar has been seen ill sneak in and get him out. Its important that ozai doesnt get his hands on the avatar, who knows what he will do with him.”

“Sir should we spread this to the crew?”

“Yes they need to know who knows what zhao is going to do in the meantime.”

__________________________________________________________________

Zuko sneaks in to pohuai stronghold again and its even easier than last time, zhao has gathered most of the soldiers to the training grounds and is giving an overblown speech leaving the hallways and secret passages empty. It takes alot for him to not boo at zhaos speech like the child he is.

He gets to a door with four guards standing infront of it and it must be the avatar. He tosses an empty spare helmet down the hallway and waits for them to line themselves up for him. Theyre way to easy to take care of. And the last one is simply taken out with a bucket of water, pathetic.

__________________________________________________________________

Zuko cuts the avatar out of his chains and strangely has to drag him away from half frozen frogs? Whatever they dont have time for nonsense aang needs to leave this place immediately. 

He fights good with the avatar, they make a good team and zuko uses no real firebending just small burst of hot air to keep them going. A thing that he doesnt think aang realizes he does because he gets infront of zuko and blocks a wall of fire being thrown at them, something zuko could have made dissipate all on his own.

Zhao runs up and yells “hold your fire! The avatar must be captured alive.” zuko knows what must be done and hopes that aang doesn't ruin this. He puts his blades to aangs throat and keeps them there slowly inching them more and until zhao begrudgingly says “open the gate, let them out now!” it feels good to hear the anger in zhaos voice.

Zuko is walking backwards keeping a steady eye on the stronghold but its dark and an arrow comes from his blind side and zuko gets hit in the forehead knocking him out.

__________________________________________________________________

He wakes up with trees above him and a splitting headache. He has no idea what has happened since he was walking out of the stronghold. He slowly gets up and looks over and there is the avatar. He looks sad and zuko wants him to never be sad again “you know what the worse part about being born over 100 years ago is? I miss all the friends i used to hang out with. Before the war started, i used to always visit my friend, kuzon. The two of us, wed get in and out of so much trouble together. He was one of the best friends i ever had...and he was from the fire nation, just like you. If we knew each other back then,do you think we could have been friends, too?”

Zuko gathers his thoughts “i dont, i dont think you would ever in a million years want to be my friend. Ive done, im doing, terrible things and i dont aim to stop doing them anytime soon”

“But youve never attacked us, infact youve helped us alot of times, like everytime we meet! Heck suki loves you she vouched for you and how nice you are!”

“Just because you dont see the terrible things i'm doing doesn't mean there not happening aang. Im not someone you would like to be around trust me '' Aang gives him a nod but zuko can feel hes not believing him. Zuko stands on shaky legs and grabs his swords and ties his mask to his belt. He reaches into a secret pocket and pulls out kataras necklace. Hes been waiting to return in and well now is a good time. He walks to aang and grabs his hand putting the necklace in it and closes aangs hand “please return that for me. I would have done it sooner but i couldnt, i didnt have it with me last we met and we may not meet again.”

Aang grabs his left wrist and their soulmarks are touching and he wonders if aang feels the electric current that zuko feels in this moment “Why wont we meet again? Were you seen? Will that guy hurt you for saving me?”

“He must never know i helped you if he finds out i will be killed. But no, no one seen me. There are...other circumstances ill be leaving for the fire nation soon and you will probably never see me again agni willing.”

Aang nods not dropping his hand and instead tangling their fingers together “ill miss you. For whats its worth”

“Ill miss you too. Goodbye aang.” he takes his hand back and begins to walk away.

“Goodbye zuko” its a whisper, he can barely hear it. But it hurts it hurts so much but zuko cant show it not now not yet. He keeps walking away.

__________________________________________________________________

Zuko changes not far from his ship he hids his assassin get up under his armor and shoves the mask inbetween layers of clothing. He doesnt even try to sneak on board his ship; his uncle must know hes been out all night. “Nephew where have you been? You missed music night!”

“No where uncle im going to bed. Set off for the fire nation as soon as everyones on the ship. Dont disturb me.”

He gets undressed to his comfortable underclothing and sits in bed hes smoking bitter weed to clear his headache, hes pretty sure he had a concussion but theres not much to be done about that. As soon as his head clears he lays down and pointedly turns his body away from the fire nation insignia thats on the wall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so the pregnancy test is a real thing i doubt the telling if its a boy or a girl part is real but in ancent egypt they used to have women pee on barley and wheat seeds and if they sprouted they were pregnant and turns out this is actually pretty accurate? its like 70% accurate that it would tell you if you were pregnant or not but pretty much when it comes to the sex of the baby its said if the barley starts growing its a boy and if the wheat starts to grow its a girl
> 
> also i wanted to say if you want to talk to me on tumblr my page is https://hyatt-death.tumblr.com/   
> i dont really post anything about this on there but like i can talk alot easier if you have like questions or anything i can answer them there


	8. seige of the north pole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> zuko plots a murder then does it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings!!!!!  
> drug use while pregnant (its just weed but like still your not suposed to do that)  
> sexual scenes (zuko really uses his body to get info)  
> murder!!!!! but also its a little gorey and slightly detailed  
> stop reading after "He wrangles zhao so his arms are pinned down and takes out the knife"  
> and like just maybe dont start reading again ill tell you what you miss in the end notes

Zuko and his crew have been keeping a low profile, theyve heard about the avatar and where he may or may not be and have been lying and saying they've heard nothing. Theyre close too when they can return home, another few weeks and it will be more obvious about his pregnancy and then he can finish this agni forsaken plan of his. 

Jee has been teaching him more and more of how to read and write more complicated words, he still isnt great at it but hes getting better and thats what counts. He is working on his reading alone while music night is going on, he has his windows open so the sound travels up to him. 

When the music stops suddenly he contemplates getting up to check but hes so close to getting a hard kanji written just like jees and he doesnt want to stop. That is until the door to his room is slammed open. He quickly covers what hes been doing and turns around to scold whoever it is that marched into his room without knocking first but when he turns and looks at them its zhao with his uncle behind him. “Husband! It is rude to march into a womans quarters without knocking!”

“Wife, if you were more of a woman id think about it, im here for business, im taking you and your crew.”

“Zhao i wrote to you about the pregnancy. I'm planning on taking my crew and in a weeks time we will be going back to the fire nation!”

“To bad. Ive recruited them for a little expedition to the north pole, were going to capture the avatar and take down the stronghold of the north pole. And you will be coming with me until we are done and then we will go back to the fire nation together. Your uncle may join in on the siege or go back but either way im taking your right to play on this ship away like i should have when you turned 16.”

Zuko holds his tongue he’s angry but he also knows he must not look a gift ostrich horse in the beak. He can work this into the plan easily but first he must buy a small amount of time to spread the word around “fine. Husband please allow me and my crew to gather our things and me and my crew will meet you on your ship”

“Your crew may stay on this ship, i believe you have a lieutenant who can run it for now he can steer it behind our ships until we get to the north pole”

Finally uncle speaks up “i will stay with the crew and be this ships leader we will follow behind and follow your lead zhao”

Zhao nods “wife i will give you 20 minutes to gather your things and be on my ship before i come gather you myself”

Zuko nods himself, he can do what needs to be done in 20.

__________________________________________________________________

Zuko writes the quickest letter he can to jee telling him what to do, he needs them to disappear the moment things start looking bad in the north pole. He wants his people to live after all and zuko knows nothing will go good at the north pole. He tells them to disappear into the earth kingdom and he will get them when the time is right.

His plans for dealing with zhao at the moment is to get as much info as he can and murdering zhao somewhere in the north pole. If he can make it look like a water tribe warrior killed him then he will be blameless and thats one less person he has to deal with in the long run. The hard part will be sneaking off the boat and stealing a warriors weapon to murder zhao with. 

He packs his things, slips jee the letter and climbs onto zhaos ship

__________________________________________________________________

Zuko has been on this ship for a week and a half, he has been pregnant for roughly 2 moons cycles now. He has the smallest bump on his stomach barely noticeable but zhao is obsessed with it once they make their way to bed, zhao seems to have stopped seeing zuko as an annoyance and seems to worship him because of the baby. Zuko is planning on using that in order to kill zhao.

He helps zhao get out of his armor every night just so he can get a good handle on were he can slip a knife in, zhao does wear the many layers of armor like is customary and alot of his weak points are covered in layers of leather and light chainmail. Zhao has made zuko take off his armor and instead wear more traditional robes befitting a pregnant woman. They are looser and easier to maneuver in and have room to be let out as he grows, he tries to not hate them as much as he does. they are extremely comfortable after all.

__________________________________________________________________

Zuko and zhao are in their quarters and zuko is pouring zhaos drinks for him while zhao tells him about his day around the ship, they are passing the pipe of bitter weed back and forth, zuko plans on getting info out of zhao finally. When zuko deems zhao drunk enough he moves his cup out of his hand and slips into zhaos lap kissing him deeply. 

“My revered admiral tell me, it would turn me on so much to hear how you plan on taking down those water savages at the north pole. Please my husband tell me!” he gives him another open mouth kiss before pulling back and looking up at him with hooded eyes.

Zhao looks at him with hungry eyes as he tangles a hand into zukos hair lightly tugging while the other goes under his robe and grips his ass tightly. “They have their gods in physical form, a couple of stupid fish, im going to kill them.” he kisses him again and hitches him up higher in his lap.”all i need to do is find were they keep them and then i can kill them and theyll lose all their power. We will be able to defeat and conquer them easily after that.”

Zuko kisses down zhaos neck “but what about the avatar? Wont he be there? how do you plan on dealing with him”

“The avatar is nothing but a child hes bound to be with the spirits all ill have to do is sneak up on them once i find them and shoot him while hes not looking.” zhao slips his hand from zukos ass to in between his legs and zuko makes a show of moaning loudly as the first finger enters him.

“Please husband allow me to help you on your journey. I would be so much help im ever so good at finding things.”

Zhao sucks marks into his neck “I wont be able to protect you my beautiful princess”

Zuko fakes more moans “yes my husband you could but if it would make you feel better we could always bring uncle with us he could help protect me. Please my husband! It would please me greatly to see you conquer them!” 

Zhao takes his hands off of zuko and picks him up carrying him to the bed laying him down ever so gently then laying on top of him “Anything for you my wife, anything”

Zuko tries to not look smug as zhao undresses them both and enters him. Honestly zhao was far too easy to control. Now zuko knows when to kill him

__________________________________________________________________

Theyre almost to the north pole. Zuko can see the black snow forming already. Theyve collected uncle and sent the wani back to the back of the fleet, him and zhao are standing next to each other while zuko stands a few paces back and to the left of zhao. “This will truely be one for the history books, general iroh. Just think: centuries from now, people will study the great admiral zhao, who destroyed the last of the water tribe civilization. Your lucky youre here to see it.”

Uncle looks sad “Be careful what you wish for admiral. History is not always kind to its subjects.”

“I suppose you speak from experience.” zukos blood begins to boil “but, rest assured, this will be nothing like your legendary failure at ba sing se.”

“I hope not, for your sake. It would be a shame to lose someone close to you here.” 

“Your neice will be fine so long as you help watch her, i wouldnt take my wife anywhere i thought something would happen to her. Tell the captains to prepare for first strike.” and with that uncle turns around and leaves.

__________________________________________________________________

Zuko watches with bated breath as the ship far infront of them is taken out. Its a scary sight but zhao continues. They are in the control room and zuko stands far out of the way trying to not let his fear show. Uncle walks in and up to zhao “its almost twilight, admiral. As someone who has fought in many more wars before, i would advise you to halt your attack. The waterbenders draw their power from the moon, and it is nearly full tonight. You should wait and resume the attack at daybreak.”

“Oh, I am well aware of the moon problem. And i'm working on a solution. But for now daybreak it is.” zhao is angry and zuko knows he will deal with it as soon as they are behind closed doors. And sure enough zhao takes him roughly that night, he is full of adrenaline and anger and he uses all that angry energy to tear at zuko. It hurts but zuko can bare it, it will be the last time this happens to him.

__________________________________________________________________

Zhao takes him and his uncle through the north pole. Its beautiful and the guilt in zuko intensifies. Uncles face is drawn up he looks angry beyond compare. He wonders if zhao shared the plan with uncle finally. Hes sitting on a komodo-rhino behind zhao as they follow a map to an oasis. 

Sneaking in is easy, the oasis is empty, its amazing there the koi fish swim in circles forever flowing zuko looks to the guards and wonders how quickly he can take them all out before zhao enacts his plan. But zhao is quicker. He grabs one of the fish and shoves it in a bag and the moon turns red. 

“I am a legend now.” he holds the bag high into the air “the fire nation will for generations tell stories about the great zhao, who darkened the moon. They will call me zhao the conqueror...zhao the moon-slayer...zhao the invincible!” and then a flying lemur jumps on his head and zuko tries to stifle his giggle. As zhao yells to get it off

It jumps off and jumps onto the arm of the avatar, as the lemur gets comfortable all of the avatars group get in fighting stances, the fire benders with zhao do the same as uncle pushes zuko back behind him. But then zhao lifts his hand up as though to shoot fire at the bag and the avatars group fall out of fighting stances “zhao dont!”

“Its my destiny...to destroy the moon. And the water tribe.”

Aang lifts his hands up in surrender “destroying the moon wont hurt just the water tribe, it will hurt everyone-- including you. Without the moon, everything would fall out of balance you have no idea what kind of chaos that would unleash on the world”

And then uncle steps forward “hes right zhao.”

Zhao looks back at them “general iroh, why am i not surprised to discover your treachery.”

“Im no traitor zhao. The fire nation needs the moon too. We all depend on the balance. Whatever you do to that spirit, ill unleash on you tenfold!” uncle gets into a fighting stance, this is not how zuko wanted this to go “Let it go now!”

Zhao looks defeated, he kneels down and empties the fish from the bag back into the water. And the moon goes back to normal. But then zhao roars and slams fire down onto the pond killing the fish and all the colour in the world disappears. Uncle shoots fire at zhao as he escapes but the firebenders with zhao attack uncle back. Zuko wont throw this chance away.

He tackles sokka and searches for a knife on him he finds one with teeth near the hilt and takes off after zhao, cutting his robe off at the knees so he can run better then sticks the knife in his sash. Zuko finds zhao jumping down and shoots a swoop of fire at him. Zhao turns around and sneers “i see once a traitorous bitch always one.”

“Zhao how lovely of you to show your true colours again”

“I know who you are, you're the blue spirit, I saw your swords, you let the avatar go. I gave you a second chance to prove yourself and this is how you act!” they continue to shoot fire back and forth, zuko slowly advancing closer and closer. It doesnt take them long to get hand to hand fighting and zuko pushes him off the ledge and jumps on top of him.

He wrangles zhao so his arms are pinned down and takes out the knife. “Ill have you know ive got alot more treason planned. Not that you will ever see you child rapist!”

“Do it you bitch!” and zuko slams the knife down into his throat and yanks it back out. He ignores the blood squirting onto him and slams the knife down repeatedly letting out anger zuko hasnt known hes been feeling. He cant tell if its tears or blood dripping down his face but truely it is both. 

Two, three fingered hands of water shoot out from around the bridge and go to reach for zhao who is somehow still struggling to breath and zuko breaks and screams “no! No no no no no! This is my kill! I get to take him down! He has wronged me in ways only adults can harm children and his death will be my doing! His life is mine and mine alone!”

He takes the knife out of zhaos throat and slams it into his eye. And zhao finally stops struggling and the two hands sink back down into the water. He can see out of the corner of his eye as blue clad men start walking toward him but all he can do is cry and let out screams of anger. They stand around him looking lost until a water tribe elder warrior comes up to them with uncle in tow. Both run to him and pull him off of zhaos dead and cold body. They clean his face and hands up as best they can with some towels a random woman hands them and next they know they are half carrying zuko onto a water tribe boat. If he heavily drags his feet neither complain they lay him down on it and him and uncle are out on the sea once again. 

Zuko is tired he feels like hes going to pass out as he lays there but as he looks to the side and sees hundreds of dead bodies and overturned ships all he can do is turn toward his uncle “uncle iroh...do you see the wani?”

Uncle is quiet for a minute as the two of them search until they pass all the ships “no prince zuko i dont see it”

“Do you think they escaped?”

“Maybe nephew, maybe.” zuko hums “please nephew lay down and get some rest.” 

So zuko does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so pretty much zuko stabs zhao a bunch the ocaen spirit pops up and is about to take zhao away but zuko screams at it saying that zhaos death is zukos to take and then kills zhao before the ocean spirit can take him the ocean spirit leaves and water tribe warriors surround zuko before pakku and iroh find zuko. they both pull him off of zhao and clean the blood off him and then help him get onto a boat. while they float away from the north pole zuko sees all the dead bodies and overturned ships and asks iroh if he can see the wani they dont see it and zuko asks if he thinks they got away. iroh says maybe and then asks zuko to rest and zuko does.
> 
> soooooo i really hope that death was like worth all the pain he caused? i mean he definitly suffered?


	9. song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> zuko gets to see his sister again after three long years

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings  
> misgendering(its azula and she doesnt know zukos actual pronouns)  
> past forced child marrage   
> talks of pregnancy

Zuko and uncle travel for three weeks on the sea, their meager supplies last them for all the trip but it is rough going and they are still half starved by the end but still zukos stomach gets larger he can feel the baby's fire growing stronger, so strong that it leaves him exhausted more than he should be. Most days on the raft he can do nothing but lay down and rest. He feels as though he is going to be burned from the inside out, he wonders if this is his punishment for what he did to zhao. 

__________________________________________________________________

They arrive at a fire nation colony and although zuko shouldnt be allowed in they let him once they see the state hes in. uncle goes to get pampered but zuko just wants peace, hes tired and wants nothing but to sleep but he still has blood on his clothing and his hair is matted in it too. He refuses help though and baths himself, hes been taking care of himself and since his mother left and he will continue to take care of himself alone thank you. He has only allowed others to bathe him a few times and he hates it everytime. 

He tries to eat more regularly once at the resort but its hard the morning sickness comes back and he more often than not gives up eating in the morning and only picks at his food at noon. A letter arrives not but two days into their stay saying azula is on her way and although zuko knows its a trap he still is desperate to see his sister its been three years. He feels guilty still about leaving azula alone with ozai, he wonders how much he has warped her she was always his favorite. And its well known how ozai treats his favorites. He knows its also the anniversary of him being sent on this mission and even though its not the reason for his sadness uncle thinks it is and its easier to let him think that. Uncle never did understand azula. 

__________________________________________________________________

“Look at these magnificent shells. I’ll enjoy these keepsakes for years to come.”

“Uncle we dont need anymore useless things. You forget we have to carry everything ourselves now.”

“But-”

“Hello, sister, uncle” zuko knows that voice its azula, hes amazed as he looks over to find her already in the room, it seems the spies have been teaching her as well 

“Hello, azula, seems someone has learned a new trick”

“You could say that” she walks to them picking up one of uncles shells and playing with it.

Uncle lightly bows “To what do we owe this honor?”

“Uncle normally we say pleasantries before asking questions, seems your so quick to get to the point.” she breaks the shell in her hand and zuko tries very hard to not grab her hand and check for any scratches. “I actually came with a message from home. Fathers changed his mind. Family is suddenly very important to him. What with zuzu here becoming pregnant and losing her husband, he wants you both and the baby back home. Hes also heard rumors of plans to overthrow him, treacherous plots. Family is the only ones you can really trust.”

Zuko will take this warning as it is, because surely it is a warning of ozai knowing his plots, he will have to get back some other way in time for the eclipse. It will happen whether zuko breaks in or is welcomed back but he knows that as of right now if he goes back he will be killed and that wont do. He turns away from azula even though he wants nothing more than to pull her into his arms and hold her like he used to during thunderstorms. She huffs but uncle steps in “this is alot for zuko to process maybe give us some time-”

“Uncle dont interrupt us! This is sister talk, we all know youve always been welcomed back.” she turns to him and puts a hand on his shoulder and another on his stomach “think about it sister. Ill pick you up tomorrow and you can give me your answer tomorrow, for now why not rest.”

And with that she leaves them be.

__________________________________________________________________

Uncle tries to tell him they should leave, that azula is a liar and that she is leading them into a trap. And although zuko knows this he also knows they cant leave till late at night, he also doesnt want uncle to be in charge of packing anything. So he lies and tells uncle that maybe just maybe they can go home and then once uncle goes to sleep he starts to pack.

He grabs all the valuables and wraps them up in their underwear and shoves them in one bag and in the other packs as much food as he can. He would pack more clothing but he knows they will have to go into the earth kingdom and they will need new green and brown clothing so theres no reason to pack any red clothing.

He keeps watch for a few hours before he wakes uncle up. He will be fine but he knows uncle will need his strength. He shakes uncles shoulder till he hears his uncles inquisitive grunt “Uncle we need to leave.”

“Zuko? Its so late why do we need to leave?” uncle turns over and looks at him confused.

“Uncle you were right this is a trap we need to leave now we cant take azula. Come on, i already packed our stuff so we can sneak out and no one will be the wiser.”

Uncle nods and the two sneak out and into the world. They follow a small river down that leads into earth kingdom territory. Uncle stops and next to the river as they catch their breath and zuko hands him his knife. uncle must cut his top knot off zuko hasnt worn his hair in any form of a respectable fire nation style in years and he is exempt from this ceremony, zuko hasnt belonged to the fire nation for years now. Uncle cuts his top knot off and lays it gently into the river and the two of them watch it flow away in silence.

__________________________________________________________________

In the morning they make there way into a town and zuko goes and sells all his stolen goods they get a meager amount and the man who buys it all points zuko in the direction of a clothing store. The woman who runs the place gives zuko one look with his burn scar, marriage scars and obviously pregnant stomach and says nothing of there red clothing. She even helps him find something he can wear as he grows and hes pretty sure she gives them a discount. Hes not too honorable anymore to call her out on it. They buy a few more supplies and then they are back on the road.

__________________________________________________________________

Uncle is standing in front of a flower, a flower zuko knows is poisonous, and he would know considering he had started to get the poisonous flowers tattooed up his right leg while on the ship. Manzo never really had a problem tattooing zuko after all. He takes a deep sniff of the flower as zuko stares at him “uncle what are you doing?”

He honestly looks so excited zuko is going to need to stop him fast “youre looking at the rare white dragon bush. Its leaves make a tea so delicious its heartbreaking! That or its the white jade bush, which is poisonous”

“Uncle thats the white jade bush it is poisonous, you can tell because the white dragon bush has thorns and there arent thornes. We need some meat. I'm going fishing, do not. I repeat do not touch this plant”

__________________________________________________________________

Zuko is gone for 20 minutes, tops and when he goes back his uncle is infront of a small fire with his back to him. “Zuko remember that plant i thought might be tea?”

“You didnt. I told you it was poisonous!” 

“I did, you were right.” he turns around, scratching at his face and sure enough he is covered in a rash and swollen up. Its only a matter of time before his throat closes and he dies. Zuko screams internally. “Now i know this is bad but look what i found! These are pakui berries. Known to cure the poison of the white jade plant! That or the makaola berries, that cause blindness.”

Zuko sighs deeply, grabbing the berries and throwing them far away from them both “those are the makaola berries.we need to go find help uncle.”

“But were are we going to go? Were enemies of the earth kingdom, and fugitives from the fire nation.”

“If the earth kingdom discovers us, they will have us killed. Or we go face ozai in the fire nation. If its all the same for you ill chose a quick death with the earth kingdom. Now lets go.”

__________________________________________________________________

“You two must not be from around here.we know better than to touch the white jade. Much less make it into a tea and drink it.” the woman sounds so so sweet but zuko can see she knows about them to an extent. She too has a fire nation marriage scar across the bridge of her nose. Their far into the earth kingdom at this point but still the fire nation has sunk its claws in. “so where are you traveling from?”

It takes zuko by surprise he doesnt really know the earth kingdom towns names “yes! Uh we are travellers!”

She looks back at him as she cleans uncles arm “do you have names?”

“Names? Yes of course im lee and this is my uncle….mushi?” uncle glares at him over the girls shoulder. Well its what he gets for getting them into this situation in the first place.

“Lee...strange name for a woman but ill buy it.” she winks at him. “My name is song by the way. You two look like you could use a good meal. Why dont you stay for dinner?”

“Im sorry but we need to be moving on.”

“Thats too bad. Your uncle could really use some rest with this poisoning. I was going to watch him overnight to make sure he was ok. And im sure you could use the rest too. My mom makes to much roasted duck anyway it would be no problem”

Uncle poinces on the promise of food and rest for a night and agrees before zuko can turn her down again.

__________________________________________________________________

“My daughter tells me youre refugees. We were once refugees ourselves.”

“When i was a little girl the fire nation raided our farming village. All the men were taken away. That was the last time i saw my father.”

Zuko looks away “i havnt seen my father in many years.”

“Oh. is he fighting in the war?”

Uncle looks at him nervously. Zuko sets his bowl down feeling suddenly ill. “Yeah you could say that.”

__________________________________________________________________

Zuko is sitting out on the porch when song comes and sits next to him on his blind side. ”Can i come sit with you? I know what youve been through. Weve all been through part of it. But ive been through it just like you have. The fire nation has hurt you. In many ways.” zuko flinches when her hand touches his face. She's so gentle it hurts in ways he cant express. “Its ok. Theyve hurt me too.”

She lifts her pant leg showing him a burn its deep in her skin just like his. “Have you-have you been married to them?”

She nods “my husband grabbed me as a child. He married me when i was 12, i stayed with him for a year before he was killed by earthbenders who took me to this village. I found my mom here and we stayed.” she turns his face and runs a thumb over the three scars across his mouth “i see why you go by a fake name, you were married to. Was he the one who burned you”

He turns away “i was married to a commander of the navy for three years. I was 13, i had no choice, my father gave me up to him. He was a cruel man but he wasnt the man who burned my face, his....higher up did.”

“Was?”

“I killed him, with my own two hands I killed him and then i ran away.”

“But now your pregnant with his child”

Zuko puts his hand on his stomach feeling the fire inside. “Yes”

“Was he a firebender? Is the baby a firebender?” zuko nods “im sorry. Is that man with you really your uncle?”

“Yes he is, dont worry about him.”

“Good because mom was planning on gutting him tonight if he was the one who hurt you.” she turns to him and gives him a bright smile.

Zuko laughs and turns to her “please dont kill my uncle. But thank you.”

__________________________________________________________________

Songs mother gives them a package of food and a farwell in the morning. Zuko bows deeply and song actually runs up and gives him a hug and a small pouch of herbs. “Theyre for your stomach to help with morning sickness. Please lee take care of yourself”

“Thank you song, thank you.” him and his uncle turn and leave their gate, zuko looks at their ostrich-horse and knows that even with no honor he cant disrespect them by taking it. He turns and walks away with his uncle into the unknown.


	10. zuko not so alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> zuko meets lee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings  
> prostitution  
> talks of the dirty parts of war

They're on the streets begging for coin for food. Zuko isnt exactly above it at this point but it hurts to see uncle beg, he has a plan where uncle wont have to beg anymore, he knows how someone in his position can make money. Hes apparently not above prostitution at this point either, but uncle cant know. Hes already pregnant so he doesnt have to worry about that but what he does have to worry about is the fact that his uncles back and hips have been hurting sleeping on the ground and walking all day. If he can make enough he can buy atleast uncle a bedroll to sleep on it would help a bit. Maybe save up some money each time and he can get them a place to sleep for the night every once in a while. Hes broken out of his train of thought when a man walks up to them looking smug “how about some entertainment in exchange for...a gold piece.”

Zuko is quick to bite back “we’re not performers.”

Uncle simply smiles “not professional, anyway.” and with that uncle stands up and sings for the man

The man looks angry as he pulls out his dao blades “come on,were talking a gold piece here. Lets see some action! Dance!” he swings at uncles feet as he dances and sings, it takes everything in zuko to not stand up and eviscerate this man but his own weapons had been left on his ship a long time ago so zuko does nothing but grab his knees and try to not draw attention to himself. The man laughs loudly as people around them stare at the scene “nothing like a fat man dancing for his dinner. Here you go.”

He tosses the coin into the dirt and uncle picks it up and sets back down “such a kind man.”

Zuko seethes. 

__________________________________________________________________

Night has fallen and him and uncle have settled down for the night outside of the town. They had found a small cave just large enough for the two of them although the smoke from the fire shows they are hidden pretty well. Zuko waits to hear his uncle snores and travels back into the town. He hangs out next to the local tavern and it only takes him about 30 minutes to find someone willing. They guy takes him deep in the alley between the tavern and another building, hes rough but no rougher than zhao normally was. He gets a gold piece and 5 silver for his trouble. Hes walking back to the tavern fixing his skirt back into a more presentable look when hes roughly grabbed and shoved back into a wall. “Well well well, its the fat old mans kid. What are you doing here out so late all by yourself?”

The man cages him in with his arms leaning in until theyre face to face “what i'm doing is none of your business, leave me alone” 

He pushes the man as hard as he can and starts to walk back to the front of the tavern before the man grabs his arm pulling him back. “Im not done with you yet come back here!” the man pulls his swords out and holds them infront of zukos face trying to intimidate him.

Zuko has had enough, he grabs the mans wrist twisting until he drops his swords. He turns and pulls the man over his shoulder until his back hits the ground. He grabs the mans dao and hold them above him and yells “I'm done with you!”

The man gets up and runs away, seems he wasnt expecting what he deserved. Zuko grabs the fallen scabbard off the ground and puts the blades away. He dust himself off, hides the swords and walks back to the front of the tavern. He still has work to do.

__________________________________________________________________

He buys some food and has enough left from the night before to buy a bedroll for uncle. Uncle seems mad, he thinks zuko stole the money which is a lie, he didnt even steal the dao blades the man abandoned them and zuko took them. That wasnt stealing that was taking abandoned property. But he lets uncle think hes been stealing every night as he comes back with more money. Its better he thinks that than what zuko has actually been doing. Zuko feels heavy and tired he hasnt been sleeping at night and no respectable firebender can sleep well during the day, he feels dirty in the same way zhao always made him feel but he looks at his uncle and its worth it he knows he will stop feeling this way soon he just has to make it till then. They spend a few more nights in the tiny cave outside the town before leaving. Atleast this time they have some supplies of food when they leave.

__________________________________________________________________

Zuko and uncle travel for weeks without seeing another town. Zuko is exhausted. He wants to sleep for weeks, they were unprepared for the long journey despite the food they have bought. They follow the river and zuko is able to catch a few fish with his net but still his energy is depleting, uncle keeps telling him its because hes not getting the right nutrients but there is nothing to be done at this point. He can see in his wrist how thin he is becoming.

They pass by bridges that break as they pass, and old battlefields, they even pass a small group as they are preparing food, the woman is much farther along in her pregnancy than zuko is, it makes zuko shake his head no and stop his uncle when uncle starts to walk toward them. They need the food more he tells himself, she looks due any week.

__________________________________________________________________

They finally make it into town right as their water supply runs out, they find a vendor and ask for water and food, spending what was left of their coin. Its fine even though zuko is sure in a town this size he wont be able to work. There is a group of four men who stare at them as they come in, they are playing dice, they turn back to their game after they find out they have spent the rest of their coin. 

Two kids peek out from beside the building, laughing as they throw an egg at one of the men, zuko doesnt pay either of them any mind, he doesnt really want to get involved. The kids take off before the men turn around and as the men get up and walk towards them zuko realizes that maybe he should have stepped in. a gruff man with two hammers steps towards them calling out “hey you throwing eggs at us strangers?”

Zuko doesnt turn around and keeps a hand on his uncles arm to keep him from looking as well. “No”

“You see who did throw it?”

“No” he turns around and puts a hand on his dao, the four men have him surrounded.

One of the other men with spears calls out “no your favorite word?”

“Egg had to come from somewhere.”

Zuko turns back around “maybe a chicken glew over.” one of the men laugh right as the shopkeep brings their food out.

The man with the hammers pulls zuko back and zuko falls to the ground uncle doesnt even have time to react as the man grabs their food and walks away “thanks for your contribution. The army appreciates your support. You two better leave town. Penalty for stayings alot steeper than you can afford, strangers. Trust me.” he pats his hammers and walks away.

Uncle helps him back up as the shopkeep tells them “those soldiers are supposed to protect us from the fire nation. But theyre just a bunch of thugs.”

Zuko sighs and starts walking off hoping uncle will just follow before the egg thrower pops up infront of them “thanks for not ratting me out.” zuko nods and keeps walking but the kid follows them. “Ill take you to my house and maybe we can feed you. You could atleast stay in our barn! Come on i owe you.” he takes zukos hand and drags him away, uncle laughs and follows behind.

__________________________________________________________________

The boy brings him to a farm of pig-sheep and pig-cows, zuko even spots a few pig-chickens. All of them are oinking as the three pass, the boy is still holding zukos hand. “No one can ever sneak up on us.”

Uncle laughs as zuko snorts and says “no kidding.”

The boy runs off and zuko and uncle stop and stand together. An older man, who must be the boys father, walks to them “you two friends of lee’s?”

He can spot a woman coming forward from behind the house. She must be the boy, lee’s mother. Lee runs out of the barn, excitedly points to zuko and says “they just stood up to the soldiers. By the end they practically had them running away.”

He can feel his uncles silent chuckles as the woman walks up to them “do these two have a name?”

Zuko stutters “im uh-”

Uncle speaks up finally “im mushi and this is my nephew lee”

Lees parents give each other a look while lee’s smile gets even bigger “we share a name!”

Lees father nods at zuko “well anyone who can hold their own against those bully soldiers is welcome here. Those men should be ashamed to wear earth kingdom uniforms.” 

Lee and his mother get closer to lees father and he puts an arm around them both. The mother looks up “the real soldiers are off fighting the war. Like lees big brother, sen su. supper is going to be ready soon, would you like to stay?”

Zuko speaks up before uncle can “we cant. We should be moving on.”

The parents share another look before the mother speaks up again “gansu could use some help on the barn. Could your father help? If anything, i could use some help in the kitchen? You could help me while they work and then we’ll eat.”

Zuko looks at uncle and uncle nods. They are hungry and they really could use the food. Zuko turns to them and nods in agreement. 

__________________________________________________________________

The mother introduces herself as sela once they enter the kitchen. “So tell me lee where are you headed?”

She hands him some potato-carrots to chop while she chops up some pig-cow and zuko has never felt so glad to have had aiko teach him how to cook. “Were not sure, were just trying to get away from the fire nation.”

Sela nods and without even looking up from the pig-cow shes chopping says “you were married to them.”

“I was,but not anymore. Hes dead.” 

“may the spirits take him” Zuko thinks about agnis consort, with her many arms and many weapons going about slaying evil, who protects and liberates the oppressed and wonders if he was feeling her wrath as he killed zhao. May she take him indeed. Sela looks over at him “are you pregnant with his child?”

“I am”

She nods again “may they not turn into a firebender then, how far along are you”

He counts on his hands the days that have passed “i’m 4 months”

___________________________________________________________________

It doesnt take long for lee to come into the house and sneak into the kitchen. He sits at the table while zuko and sela cook “big lee you dont seem like your from around here”

Zuko chokes on a laugh “big lee?”

“Yeah your older so your big lee,so where are you from?”

“Far away” 

“Oooooooh…where are you going?”

Sela looks over from were shes rolling out dough “lee leave them alone”

Lee sighs “yes mom...so where did you get those scars”

Zuko promptly cuts his finger, he winces and brings his finger to his mouth while sela turns toward lee “lee! I raised you better than that, you know its not nice to bother people about things like that. Now go to the corner! And when i call you back here you better apologize!”

Zuko shakes his head “no its fine really he just took me by surprise.”

Sela takes his hand in hers and inspects the cut “its ok lee, he needs to learn that he cant ask questions like that. In this war torn world he needs to learn that scars aren't something you ask about. We’re trying to keep him from some fire nation cruelty till hes older anyway.” 

Zuko smiles at her, he understands, he wishes he had been kept away from some of the fire nation cruelty himself. He couldnt have been much older than lee was once he learned of it himself. They go back to cutting vegetables and a few minutes later sela calls for lee who comes to him and apologizes and then gives zuko a hug.

Sela is gentle with lee, she reminds him of his own mother. He remembers the last day he spent with her, how they had the meeting with fire lord azulon and she had soothed his hurt at being bad at firebending. They spent the day sitting next to the pond after that and then she had washed his hair for him. She was always the only one he let do that, if she couldnt, he washed it himself. He remembers her smooth voice waking him up in the middle of the night hugging him telling him she loved him and to always remember who he was and then disappearing. He wonders if she is dead, he wonders if hes making her proud.

__________________________________________________________________

Zuko is woken up in the middle of the night to someone creeping into the barn and taking his swords. He gets up silently as uncle snores next to him. He finds lee with them, and tries to not laugh as the boy badly swings them around. The boy is dangerously stabbing them into a dead tree when zuko finally breaks his silence.

“Your holding them all wrong.” lee screams and falls down and zuko flinches. Lee hands the swords back to zuko looking dejected “keep in mind, these are dual swords. Two halves of a single weapon. Dont think of them as separate because theyre not. Theyre just two different parts of the same whole.” 

Lee nods “what do you mean by two halves of a single weapon?”

Zuko takes the swords and squats down next to lee “I mean these are only single edged. So they only cut one way like a knife can. By using them together you can cut two ways at once.”

He holds the blades out for lee to take and the boy is better. Lee looks at him with a huge smile on his face and zuko returns it. He runs up to zuko and hugs him and zuko hugs him back.

__________________________________________________________________

Him and his uncle are about to leave when the thug earthbender soldiers come back gansu steps forward “what do you want gow?”

Gow smiles “just thought someone ought to tell you your songs battalion got captured.” gow turns to his men “you boys hear what the fire nation did with their last group of earth kingdom prisoners?”

Another smiling man speaks up “dressed ‘em up in fire nation uniforms and put them on the front line unarmed, way i heard it. Then they just watched”

Gansu starts to go toward them but uncle grabs his arm “you watch your mouth!”

Gow stears his ostrich-horse forward but zuko moves infront of gansu with his hand on his sword. Gow sneers “why bother rooting around in the mud with these pigs?” and with that gow and his gang take off away from them.

He can hear lee ask whats going to happen to his brother and zuko feels nothing but shame.

Gansu hugs his wife “im going to the front. Im going to find sen su and bring him back.”

Uncle steps in “gansu my friend you should stay here with your family. Im afraid its too late for your older son. You should stay and take care of them instead of taking off and possibly being killed.”

Gansu looks at uncle “do you truely think that mushi?”

Uncle looks grim “I dont think that, i know that”

Gansu looks away and holds sela while she cries harder. Zuko feels lost. Him and uncle leave trying to stay out of the family's way. All zuko can do is pray to the spirits to give sen su strength and power to survive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so please tell me if im wrong i did alot of research but i might still be wrong but i tried to base fire nation religion on hinduism agnis consort was mainly based off of durga if i made a mistake with that please do let me know and ill change it imidietly 
> 
> i also wanna say sex work is real work and there is nothing wrong with doing it zuko is just young and scared and feels semi-forced into it


	11. azula and lightning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> zuko gets to meet toph and then learns about lightning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings  
> talks about pregnancy  
> talks of past death in childbirth

As they walk they can see fire nation tank tracks they follow them at a distance. When they start to see a trail of white fur they give each other a look and continue to follow behind.

They set up camp before daybreak falls and zuko goes off searching for food. He nearly drops his net into the water when he hears uncles yell and the sound of earth moving. He runs back to their camp “uncle are you ok?”

“Oh that really hurt my tailbone” uncle is laying in the dirt and zuko is quick to help him up and fret over him. 

He finally sees the earthbender, shes small incredibly small, has to be younger than he was before he left the fire nation maybe 10 or 11 years old. Much too young to be by herself. “Girl you had better have a good explanation for this. My uncle is old and youve hurt him for no good reason!”

“Ah nephew its ok im not hurt just sore, she is young after all.”

The girl gets out of her earthbending stance and starts to look sheepish. “Im sorry i hurt you. I havnt slept all night and i guess im a little jumpy”

Zuko nods. “Well come down here you're much too young to be on your own we can get you to the next town atleast. Come, i have some food we can share.”

The girls face twist up in anger and she yells “Hey! Im not too young! I can handle myself! I can take down any man in this whole country-this whole world!”

“Sure kid I believe you can but its better to travel in groups. Theres no shame left in this world anymore its another thing the fire nation took from us all. Its ok to rely on each other. Now come down here before you make my pregnant ass get up there and drag you down here”

She blushes and even though she grumbles under her breath she does in fact start to climb down to join them.

__________________________________________________________________

Uncle makes the three of them tea while zuko cooks the fish over the fire. Now that the girl is closer to them zuko can see the soulmarks upon her arm, he would know them anywhere considering they match his own arm. uncle serves the girl, who still hasnt given a name yet, her tea first “here is your tea. My nephew is right, you do seem a little too young to be traveling alone.”

She takes her cup “well you seem to old and your nephew seems to pregnant to be alone”

Zuko huffs as iroh laughs deeply “prehaps we are”

The girl looks so sad and dejected “i know what youre thinking,i look like i cant handle being by myself.”

“I wasnt thinking that”

Zuko hums “Neither was i you seem like a good strong earthbender”

“You wouldnt even let me pour my own cup of tea.”

“I poured your tea because i wanted to. And for no other reason.”

Zuko hands them each a fish to eat “pouring tea for others is the sign of a good host. You should pour tea for those you invite in, its good manners.”

The girl picks at her fish and takes small bites “people see me and think im weak. They want to take care of me, but i can take care of myself by myself.”

Zuko places a hand on her shoulder “its ok to let others take care of you sometimes. Just like its ok to ask for help. sometimes you need help. It doesnt make you weak to rely on others and if other people look at you and see you as weak you need to ask yourself if you need them.”

Iroh nods “if they help you it is because they love you, and if they truely love you they will respect you and see that you are strong.”

She smiles and stands up “thank you both of you”

Zuko nods and uncle lifts his cup up “our pleasure. Sharing tea and a meal with a fascinating stranger is one of lifes true delights”

“No. thank you for what you said. It helped me.” she sits back down with a small smile on her face.

“Im glad.” 

The girl grabs her bag and starts to walk off and zuko reaches for her. “Wait, you should finish eating before you take off.”

“I may have left my friends in a sticky situation, i should really go help them.”

Him and uncle look at each other. Uncle gives him and her arm a very pointed look, this girl is probably with the avatar. Zuko nods and looks back at the girl “why dont we go help you. We may be able to help some.”

__________________________________________________________________

They make it into the abandoned town just in time to help, and of course its azula thats chasing them now. Zuko gathers the bottom of his dress and ties it into a knot to keep it out of the way of his running as he chases azula back. He shoots her with a quick fire blast and dispels the one she shoots back at them “Azula stop this and leave.”

“Really sister, you just want the avatar for yourself!” she jumps through an alleyway and jumps over a few crates. But is stopped as she runs into uncle. She gets backed into a corner as all 6 of them surround her. “Well look at this. Enemies and traitors all working together. Im done i know when im beaten. You got me. A princess surrenders with honor.”

She lifts her hands in the air and zuko is so focused on her he doesnt notice uncles eyes drift to the girl beside him. Azula shoots fire to fast and it hits uncle when hes not looking. Zuko looks back at his uncle as he falls to the ground, he can feel the scream he wants to let loose. The remaining 5 each unleash their weapons. Azula barely deflects the boomerang before she surrounds herself in a fire whirl wind and as the two fires meet and explode she escapes. 

Zuko runs to his uncle and falls to his knees next to him. He can feel the tears falling as he looks his uncle over. He almost doesnt notice the avatars group get close. He turns and yells “please leave us alone!”

Katara walks forward “zuko i can help.”

Sokka steps forward too “please let us help you.”

Zuko can do nothing but nod. He turns back to his uncle as more and more tears come. Katara heals uncle as sokka comes forward and places a hand on his back and one on his arm. Katara pulls her water back into her waterskin and turns to him “thats the best i can do for now. Bandage it and keep it clean and let him rest ok”

Zuko nods as sokka tightens his grip “were do you want to move him, we’ll help.”

“I-i can move him its fine” the two water tribe siblings share a look above his head before sokka looks at him and shakes his head

“No offence but even i can see how far along you are. Its not healthy for be carrying so much weight in your condition, it will put too much stress on you and the baby. Please let me help you carry him. Me and aang will get him on appa and then we can fly you somewhere safe”  
Zuko is so, so tired. He gives a jerking nod and sokka lets katara grab zuko and pull him to his feet. They get uncle onto the bison and sokka helps zuko climb up into the saddle too. They dont take them far maybe a few miles away until they find another abandoned house and drop them both off. Zuko bows deeply at the waist to them in thanks.

__________________________________________________________________

“Uncle...uncle.” uncle slowly opens his eyes and zuko tries to remember how uncle used to talk to him when he woke up after a nightmare that took his memory “uncle...you were unconscious. Azula struck you. It was a surprise attack.”

Zuko is sitting a bit away from him and tries desperately to not get closer and help his uncle sit up. Zuko remembers how scared he used to get, especially when the scar still burned at night, when someone got close to him. Uncle gets sitting up on his own. “Somehow thats not so surprising.”

Zuko hands him a cup of tea “its probably not as good as yours but aiko taught me how to make it”

Uncle drinks it and only makes a small face at it, zuko will take it. “I think i need to begin teaching you some more advanced moves. With the way Azula acted I think it is needed.”

“Shes my sister i dont want to hurt her.”

“Nephew she will hurt you. Shes crazy and she needs to go down” Zuko tries to not let the hurt show on his face, he understands that azula just hurt him but the fact stands shes only 14, maybe uncle doesnt know about the abuse. He nods and uncle stands. “Its time to resume your training.”

__________________________________________________________________

“Lightning is a pure expression of firebending without aggression. It is not fuelled by rage or emotion like other firebending. Some call lightning the cold-blooded fire. It is precise and deadly like azula. To preform the technique requires peace of mind.”

“Uncle i dont know if i can do lightning. I dont think ill ever have peace of mind.”

“That is ok my nephew one day you will be able to for right now it is too unsafe for you and the baby to even try. I simply want to teach you the way they are doing it so you understand their moves” the two move out of the house and into the desert “there is energy all around us. The energy is both yin and yang, a positive energy and a negative energy. Only a select few firebenders can separate these energies. This creates an imbalance. The energy wants to restore balance and in the moment the positive and negative energy come crashing back together, you provide release and guidance,creating lightning.”

Uncle motions for him to step pack and uncle runs through the kata and shoots lighting off. “Ive never seen it up close before…”

Uncle rubs his wounded shoulder “remember that once you separate the energy, you do not command it. You are simply its humble guide.now i do have something to show you, but it is a move you can not do while with child, its far too dangerous and would kill the baby.”

Zuko nods “what move is it?”

“I have a firebending move that even azula doesnt know. I made it myself.”

__________________________________________________________________

“Fire is the element of power. The people of the fire nation have desire and will and the energy and drive to achieve what they want. Earth is the element of substance. The people of the earth kingdom are diverse and strong. They are persistent and enduring. Water is the element of change. The people of the water tribe are capable of adapting to many things. They have a deep sense of community and love that hold them together through anything. Air is the element of freedom. The air nomads detached themselves from worldly concerns and found peace and freedom.”

“But we took that from them…”

“Yes but look at the young avatar, he is free and loving. I know we dont talk about your soulmates but he is yours. He is full of love.”

“Can he really be truely free with all of us with him? Wouldnt he have many worldly concerns?”

“Yes he can. Love will set you free, love is not a worldly concern it is a blessing from the great spirits. Now you must know about all four elements, it is important to draw wisdom from many different places. If you take it from only one place, it becomes rigid and stale. You must understand the other elements and the other nations. It will help you become whole. Youve been blessed with a soulmate from each nation you should learn from them everytime you meet.”

“All this sounds like avatar stuff. I feel like you should be explaining to him.”

“It is the combination of the four elements in one person that makes the avatar so powerful, but it can make you just as powerful too. The technique I'm about to teach you I learned from waterbenders!”

__________________________________________________________________

Uncle and him are practicing a waterbender kata together, its slow and peaceful as they run through the move, its smooth and gentle, easy in a way that feels as though it shouldnt be so simple. “Waterbenders deal with the flow of energy. A waterbender lets their defense become their offence,turning their opponents energy against them. I learned a way to do this with lightning.”

Zuko gasps “you can teach me to redirect lightning? I saw you do it, before. I assumed you had to be able to do actual lightning!”

Uncle chuckles “you dont need to be able to do lightning to do this. If you let the energy in your own body flow, the lightning will follow it. You must create a pathway from your fingertips up your arm to your shoulder, then down into your stomach. The stomach is the source of energy in your body. It is called the sea of chi, only in my case it is more like a vast ocean.”

Uncle laughs and zuko cracks a small smile. “Is that why i can feel so much fire with the baby? Their chi is mixing with mine?”

“Exactly at the moment your body is holding two separate chi’s inside of it and they are battling constantly. My own wife had issues carrying lu ten because of that problem it is what made her pass, lu ten’s chi was uncontrollable, she wasnt that strong a bender and she lost the battle, we didnt find it out in time and werent able to stop her from succumbing to the battle. it was my fault for not watching my wife closely enough. That is why i have been keeping a close watch on you to make sure you are not also losing the battle.”

“How do you stop it? because ive felt that way a few times now?”

“You can have someone pull the baby's chi away from the parents chi, its tricky but ive done it before for your own mother. And i will do it for you if i need too let me know if you think i ever need to. Now, from the stomach you direct it up again and out the other arm. The stomach detour is critical. You must not let the lightning pass through your heart, for the damage could be deadly. You must also be rooted to the ground to do this, all good firebending needs to be rooted somehow. You may wish to try a physical motion to get a feel for the pathways flow, like this.” uncle and him do the move together slowly “now are you focusing your energy? Can you feel your own chi flowing in, down, up, and out?”

“I think so.”

Uncle wiggles his arms like a wave “Come on you got to feel the flow.” they practice until the sun is setting uncle looks at him proudly “Thats it you got it!”

Zuko smiles brightly bowing before his uncle “thank you uncle.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i never liked the comment uncle made to zuko about azula being crazy and needing to go down and i feel like the look zuko gives him after he says it says he didnt like it either but maybe that was just me i feel like there was a big difference with zuko saying yes i need to know how to beat my sister and then iroh saying yeah shes crazy she needs to go down i always felt that zuko knew azula was being twisted and manipulated just like he had been and like also thats his little sister? 
> 
> also i want you to all know incase it wasnt 100% clear that iroh never blamed lu ten for his wifes death he blames himself for not catching it


	12. a boat ride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> zuko meets jet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ttrigger warnings  
> one liner of zuko being raped/scared/forced into pregnancy  
> just the whole pregnancy in general
> 
> zuko is like 20 weeks now so like 4 and a half months along i dont know much about pregnancy but pretty much zukos been losing alot of weight but gaining alot of inches in his stomach and his balance is a bit out of wack

They've made camp on the side of the road when they hear the sound of komodo-rhinos. Zuko draws his swords as the rough rhinos show themselves. Uncle stands up and puts a hand on zuko's shoulder “colonel mongke, what a pleasant surprise.”

“If you're surprised were here then the dragon of the west has lost a few steps”

“Uncle you know these guys?”

“Sure colonel mongke and the rough rhinos are legendary. Each one is a different kind of weapon specialist. They are also a very capable singing group.”

“Were not here to give a concert. Were here to apprehend fugitives.”

“Would you like some tea first? Id love some how bout you kachi? I make you as a jasmine man. Am i right?”

“Enough stalling round ‘em up”

Before zuko can even move uncle takes out two of the rhinos by making one drag the other by his chain whip and a good wack to his komodo rhino. The archer shoots an arrow at zuko and he cuts it in half before it can hit him and shoots a small bit of fire out toward the bow to cut the string. 

Uncle distracts mongke while zuko runs up behind him and kicks him off his rhino and him and uncle start to run away. The last man following them throws a bomb at them and uncle cuts the flames away and they use the smoke to run into the forest “its nice to see old friends.”

“To bad you dont have any old friends that dont want to kill you”

“Hmmm...old friends that dont want to kill me?”

__________________________________________________________________

They head into the desert and come across a small town to rest in. they head into the tavern to get something to eat, they have some coin left and if they can find somewhere to sleep outside of town then maybe zuko can find some work in town at night. Uncle helps him sit in a chair and gets them some water. “Uncle were are we even headed?”

“Hmmm i was thinking ba sing se it would be a smart place to go if not even i could get in then i doubt the rest of the fire nation could”

“But how we would need papers or something we have none of that”

Uncle looks behind him “ah it seems we may have a friend here who can help”

Zuko looks back and all he can see is a pai sho board “your going to gamble? At a time like this?”

“Nephew theres something i want you to see involving this game, something important. Remember this game and how it is played.” uncle helps him up and over to the man “may i have this game?”

The man looks up at them “the guest has the first move” uncle helps zuko sit in a stool before taking his own seat and placing the white lotus tile down in the center. “I see you favor the white lotus gambit. Not many still cling to the ancient ways.”

“Those who do can always find a friend.” the two men bow to each other opening their hands like a flower.

“Then let us play” zuko watches closely at the tiles being put down, he vaguely recalls being taught this when he was younger but he cant be sure,but still it looks familiar. In the end the tiles look like a lotus from above. “Welcome brother, the white lotus opens wide to those who know her secrets.”

Zuko looks to his uncle “Uncle what is all this?”

“I always tried to tell you that pai sho is more than just a game.” is his uncle part of a secret spy group too? This could end badly; he needs to get in contact with some spies of his own. Somehow.

Theres a commotion behind them before a man yells “its over! You two fugitives are coming with me.”

The man uncle was playing pai sho with stands up and stands in front of them pointing a finger at them “i knew it! You two are wanted criminals with a giant bounty on your heads!”

Zuko whispers “i thought you said he would help!”

“He is just watch”

The man turns to the two bounty hunters “you think you're going to capture them and collect all that gold?”

Theres a few murmurs around the tavern before people start to stand up and a fight breaks out against all the bounty hunters. The three of them easily sneak out in the commotion.

__________________________________________________________________

The man leads him into a flower shop, he looks outside and makes sure theres no one outside before closing the door and then turns around and bows toward uncle “it is an honor to welcome such a high-ranking member of the order of the white lotus. Being a grand master, you must know so many secrets.”

“Uncle just how high up are you in this ‘order’ of yours?”

“Dont worry yourself nephew i will tell you in all due time.”

“Are these people going to help us atleast?”

Uncle looks at the man next to him “you must forgive my nephew he is not an initiative, and has little appreciation for the cryptic arts.” oh if only uncle knew.

The three walk to the back of the room and knock on a door in the back of the room. A man slides a tiny window open “who knocks at the guarded gate?”

Uncle answers “one who has eaten the fruit and tasted its mysteries.” They open the door and the man and uncle walk in and when zuko goes to follow they slam the door in his face. Rude. uncle opens the tiny window “im afraid its members only. Wait out here”

Ok fine he slowly lowers himself into a chair near the door and thinks about how maybe he should have put in secret phrases in his own spy order.

__________________________________________________________________

Zuko is woken up by the door opening and he nearly falls out of his chair in surprise. “Whats going on? Is the order meeting over?”

Uncle steadys his chair “everything is taken care of. Were heading to ba sing se, they are getting us passports to get in.”

“Ba sing se is full of refugees two more wont stand out.”

A man comes in and zuko sees that its morning now “i have the passports for our guest but there are two men out on the street looking for them.”

The men help them get into two big pots and shove a fake top on them zuko can feel them moving and it makes him a little sick but atleast hes safe.

__________________________________________________________________

They take full moon bay and get on the ferry towards ba sing se. Zuko has missed being on a boat. It was always so peaceful. Everyone has given the two of them a bit of room. Hes leaning heavily against the railing to take pressure off his back and uncle is rubbing soothing circles on it. He looks sad and zuko doesnt need to guess why “who would’ve thought after all these years id return to the scene of my greatest military disgrace as a tourist?”

Zuko sighs deeply letting his head drop “uncle were not tourist were refugees” he takes a drink from his bowl of food and spits it out immediately. “Ugh that taste worse than my vomit. I could catch better food with a stick. I'm sick of people treating us like scum because we have no home!”

“Arent we all?” zuko turns around at the voice. The man is leaning against a post he cant be much older than zuko is he has another boy with him and what must be a small girl. The man smiles and comes forward “my names jet, and these are my freedom fighters, smellerbee and longshot. Heres the deal i hear the captains eating like a king while us refugees have to feed off his scraps doesnt seem fair does it?”

“What sort of king is he eating like?”

“The fat happy kind. You wanna help us liberate some food?”

Uncle steps between them “wait you miss understand my nephew is pregnant he cant do anything dangerous like that”

“Hes still got swords on his hip dont he?”

Zuko stares at the bowl of food and then chucks it into the water turning around to jet and his freedom fighters “im in”

__________________________________________________________________

Despite his stomach slowing him down, Zuko is still light and silent on his feet, him and jet sneak into the top food storage while smellerbee keeps a watch out for them. Zuko is a little scared the rope wont hold him as they slide down but he really hasnt gained any weight since his pregnancy has started hes only lost body fat. 

Jet and him hand some food out before jet makes him go sit saying zuko and his uncle along with the freedom fighters need to eat. Longshot and jet help zuko sink down to the floor next to uncle and although jet smirks at zukos blushing face longshot says nothing. Jet takes off to finish handing out food.

Uncle turns to smellerbee “so smellerbee, thats an unusual name for a young man.”

She sneers “maybe its because im not a man! Im a girl!”

Zuko lightly smacks uncles arm and shoots him a disappointed angry look “oh, now i see! Its a beautiful name for a lovely girl!” 

Longshot goes after her and gives her a look and zuko cant hear what she says back. When she comes back she sits stiffly next to uncle again zuko grabs his cup of tea and not looking at her says “smellerbee just know that once uncle knows your correct pronouns he never gets them wrong hes never gotten mine wrong once”

“Really?” zuko hums and nods and she relaxes a bit.

__________________________________________________________________

Smellerbee and longshot head off to wherever on the ship theyre staying to go to sleep and Jet returns coming forward and sitting down “from what i heard people eat like this every night in ba sing se. I cant wait to set my eyes on that giant wall.”

“It is a magnificent sight.”

Jet leans forward, excited “so youve been there before?”

“Once, when i was a different man.”

“Ive done some things in my past that im not proud of. But thats why im going to ba sing se for a new beginning, a second chance.”

“Thats very noble of you. I believe people can change their lives if they want to. I believe in second chances.”

__________________________________________________________________

Its morning and zuko is watching the water, he almost doesnt hear him come toward him but jet walks like him “you know, as soon as i say your scars, i knew exactly who you were. Youre an outcast, like me. And us outcast have to stick together. We have to watch each others backs because no one else will. I know what your scars mean they took you like they took all the earth kingdom girls and they made you their bride. They raped you, impregnated you, scarred you forever. Your running from them right, I can help.”

Zuko looks out, he can see the great big wall of ba sing se “Ive realized that you cant be on your own, but im not. No thank you.”

Jet looks dejected hes standing on zukos good side and he lifts his hand up and pushes a few short fly away hairs out of zukos face. Zuko turns to look at him “you know you really are pretty”

A blush rises to zukos face “i havnt been called that in years”

Jet gets closer to him winding an arm around his waist and laying his other one on the swell of zukos stomach. “Well you are”

“You flatter me to much” zuko looks at jets lips hes so close. their noses are almost touching.

“You deserve it” he whispers and they kiss.


	13. the baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> zuko has a bad time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings  
> misscarage/stillborn  
> guilt over misscarage/stillborn
> 
> so i just want to say that im sorry that i never added that in to the main tags in this. i ment to and forgot to add it. this was always planned the question was when would it happen. i tried to handle it correctly its not very detailed but the after affect will be pretty heavy for this chapter and the next and like it is brought up later in the series. im very sorry and if this makes you stop reading this thats fine. if you dont want to read the parts were theres talking about the baby ill tell you were to skip i do want to say that zuko wont feel this guilt for a long time in fact it will go away next chapter but like it is there and i do want to say it will be the guilt not the grief right now zuko is doing neither  
> stop reading when it says 'she lays the babe' and you can start again on the paragraph that starts with 'he sits in silence'

Theyre sitting and waiting for the train to get into the inner city of ba sing se when jet finds them again. A nice man and his son had gotten up and let zuko and his uncle sit down even though they insisted they didnt need to.

Jet slides into the seat next to him “so, you guys got plans once youre inside the city?” a man selling tea comes by and uncle buys a cup zuko watches and only flinches a little bit when uncle spits his tea out and says that its cold jet watches with a bored expression before placing a hand on his arm “hey can i talk to you for a second?”

Zuko sighs “ill be back uncle dont do anything dumb” 

They walk a bit away from uncle before jet starts talking “you and i have a much better chance of making it in this city if we stick together you wanna join the freedom fighters? We’ll take take care of you and the baby easily”

“Thanks but i dont think you want me in your gang”

“Come on we made a great team looting that captains food.think of all the good we could do or these refugees. Plus that kiss was pretty nice.”

“I said no” he turns away and walks back to uncle he turns back to look at jet and he looks angry at being rejected. When he turns back and looks at uncle he sees his tea his hot he knocks it out of his hands and leans in close and whisper yells “what are you doing! For a wise old man that was a pretty stupid move.”

“I know youre not supposed to cry over spilled tea, its just so sad!”

__________________________________________________________________

They get on the train to get into ba sing se and uncle sits next to a woman and a man with a small baby uncle leans over and looks at the child “what a handsome baby”

The woman smiles “thank you” she leans over and looks at him “how far along are you?”

He counts the days “almost 4 and a half months now”

__________________________________________________________________

Zukos walking through the lower ring, he lost uncle and cant find him, hes about to walk back to their apartment when he sees a flash of color out the corner of his eye on his blind side. He turns his head to investigate and theres uncle with a huge vase and flowers. “I just want our new place to look nice in case someone brings home a special someone.”

He scowls “im going to pretend i didnt hear that and im going to assume you got those from your ‘special’ pai sho club members?”

Theres a look of shock that flashes across uncles face before it goes back to smiling “i did how did you guess?”

Zuko just shrugs “those had better been free or im putting you on an allowance again”

“If it makes you feel any better, nephew, I did find us a new job, we start this afternoon!”

__________________________________________________________________

“Well you certainly look like official tea servers. How do you feel?”

Zuko feels ridiculous his uniform barely fits around the middle yet is baggy everywhere else he feels stupid but he is going to keep his mouth shut because currently uncle cant get his apron tied even though he is trying and for some reason zuko wants to laugh uncontrollably about it. Is this hormones? Hes never dealt with hormones so far but the more he thinks about it the more he thinks he may of been dealing with them. Uncle finally gives up trying to tie his apron and simply holds it the strings in the back and asks “uh, does this possibly come in a larger size?”

“I have extra string in the back. have some tea while you wait.”

Uncle takes a drink and makes an over blown face at it “eow this tea is nothing more than hot leaf juice!”

Zuko loses his control and he laughs hard, in between giggles he manages to get out “uncle thats what all tea it!”

Uncle gasp “how could a member of my own family say something so horrible?” zuko laughs harder as uncle goes and grabs the tea pot and tosses the contents out the window “we’ll have to make some major changes around here”

__________________________________________________________________

Zuko and uncle have been working at the tea shop for about a week and a half now. Its been quiet but zukos becoming paranoid. Things have been happening in their apartment things have been going missing. Being moved ever so slightly. He constantly feels watched but everytime he turns around theres no one there. Its starting to become slightly taxing. Hes started to skip meals because his anxiety makes his stomach hurt too bad. Uncles been begging him to eat saying hes to skinny. 

The door to the tea shop is slammed open and zuko jumps nearly dropping the tray hes holding. He turns around and sees jet looking haggard “im tired of waiting that old man is a firebender!” he draws his swords “i know he is! I seen him heat his tea! Some firebender forced lee to marry him it had to be him!”

One of the city guards sitting at the table close to them speaks up “he works at a tea shop. And that kid calls him uncle”

“Hes a firebender im telling you!”

“Drop your swords boy nice and easy”

Jet advances towards uncle “youll have to defend yourself then everyone will know. Go ahead show them what you can do”

The guard stands up and goes to draw his sword and zuko grabs them and stares jet down “jet your wrong stand down”

“Lee i wont fight you your pregnant”

“Then stand down!”

“Are you seriously going to defend this firebender after all they did to you! They burned you! They raped you! They forced you to marry them!”

“Stand down jet!”

They stare each other down for a long tense minute before jet finally puts his swords away. Zuko lets out the breath he didnt know he was holding. Jet walked out and only then did he return the swords.

__________________________________________________________________

Its a long two weeks of people staring at them. People still come in but the regulars all seem to look at him and know. He spots a few dai li agents following them around for about a week. Hes been getting stronger stomach pains since jet confronted them. Theyre just getting worse. Uncle keeps asking if the baby is moving but he feels nothing, and in the two weeks the fire inside has grown weaker and weaker. 

Hes walking to one of his favorite regulars table. Her name is xin, shes older around uncle's age and always gives him a piece of hard candy. Were she gets it he has no idea but he looks forward to the small treat every time she has come in. hes setting her cup infront of her when he gets a sharp pain and feels some type of fluid go down his legs and pool at his feet. He lets out a loud yelp and drops the tray grabbing his stomach and the table. Looking up at xin in fear “did? Did what I think happen just happen?”

Xin looks shocked as she grabs his arm holding him up to steady him “oh hunny” 

another woman in the shop walks over and helps him keep standing as pao runs in the back to get uncle. Uncle comes running out “lee whats wrong? Whats going on”

Xin looks over to uncle “his water broke.”

__________________________________________________________________

They dont even know where a healer is in this city. But xin does, she and uncle hold him on either side and they wobble to the doctor. The doctor is a kind looking woman, to nice looking she shoo’s uncle out of the room and xin leaves reluctantly and the doctor helps him get out of his pants. 

He pushes when she says. He feels broken both physically and mentally, he wonders if this is agni’s punishment for killing zhao. Maybe this really is punishment for taking his life. Agni had blessed that blade the sages had said so. Their union was blessed by agni himself. Agni let him survive the agni kai just so he could get married to zhao maybe this is his punishment he doesnt get his child because he has killed his husband.

She lays the babe in his arms and tells him he should name them. So they can go with oma and shu to the spirit world. He names them yasuo in hopes that they are at peace. He prays over them to agni to send them on their way to protect them. She takes them to be buried and although its not the funeral that he would like to give them its better than nothing.

He sits in silence for a while before she comes back. She just sits and stares at him as though waiting for something but nothing comes. He feels numb. After about an hour and a half of nothing but staring at each other she sighs and goes and talks to uncle. He cant hear what they talk about but he can guess that its probably about him.

The doctor comes back in and helps him get dressed in his clothes again which are thankfully dry, although dirty, and uncle helps him back home. Walking back up the stairs hurts but its nice to lay back on the bed and rest uncle asks him if he wants food and he refuses. Uncle asks if hes ok and he says he doesnt know. They drop it.  
___________________________________________________________________

Uncle says the doctor said he needs to rest. That he lost the baby because of stress on the body and weight loss. That he needs to recuperate and take it easy until he gets his strength back. Zuko says fuck that and goes into work the next day after giving birth.

Pao keeps his mouth firmly shut when he sees zuko, but zuko can see him sneak uncle a few gold pieces. He doesnt want their pity. But hes also hungry and tired and his hands have what feels like a permanent shakiness to them that hasn't left them for a month. 

His eye is red rimmed and he has eyebags and he can tell that the word has spread probably throughout all of this part of the lower ring about what happened to him and he just doesnt care. He knows most people here in the lower ring are all refugees; they all seen war even though no one can talk about it; they all know what his scars mean; they all probably think his baby is better off gone and it makes zuko sick to think about. People give him bigger tips but he doesnt seem to notice.

__________________________________________________________________

He gets a bit careless he starts going out at night with his swords and a blue spirit mask. Running around stopping crime and just generally being a nuisance to the dai li. Hes not really sure if they know who he is or not but he does know they have stopped following him around during the day. Theyve stopped hanging around the shop and stopped tailing him as he walks around the lower ring and around his home. So maybe not.

He still hasnt done something uncle is waiting for him to do hes not sure what but he knows hes supposed to be doing something. 

Hes worrying uncle a bit. He keeps getting lost in thought but hes not thinking really. Hes just staring out into the world and just not thinking. Uncle also says he stares too long at the knives but zuko thinks uncle is just being crazy. Honestly he feels fine. There is nothing to worry about.

Zuko is about to sneak out the window when uncle stops him. “Nephew i think we need to talk”

He turns around and takes the mask off his face “uncle? Whats up?”

Uncle sits on zukos bed and pats the space next to him “we need to talk about what happened and how your handling it”

Zuko sighs but sits taking his swords and hood off as he goes “im fine uncle really its over its done whats there to do”

“I think your feeling more things than you think and you just dont want to admit it.”

“I think your a crazy old man!”

“I think you may feel a little guilty”

Zuko gasps “i- maybe...maybe i do! Thats my business”  
“Zuko its eating you up inside surely you see what your doing isnt healthy? Your coming home with bruises and scrapes and cuts every night. Your not sleeping your not eating. Your killing yourself!” 

Zuko jumps up and turns toward his uncle “maybe its what i deserve!” 

He gasps he didnt mean to say that he looks toward uncle and he looks so concerned. Zuko grabs his swords and his mask and he takes off out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> zuko is really not handling things


	14. therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> zuko particapates in his first therapy session

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings  
> talks of mental health  
> i think thats it?
> 
> this chapter marks the first chapter of many that are gonna be different than the canon timeline. i know i play fast and loose with canon alot but like the first half of book fire is gonna be really different and mostly made up since zuko wont be getting with mai in this fic 
> 
> also pao is like out of character kinda i just feel like him and uncle and zuko all slightly bonded cuz uncle really did just step in and save this mans whole tea shop i like to think they became freinds a bit

Zuko gets worse as the days continue. Uncle has to force him to rest and eat and drink and bathe and about a hundred other things. He listlessly follows his uncle to work and he tries so hard to do good at his job but pao can see him being slower than usual and forgetting orders.

He starts to become anxious all the time. At one point he drops a tray and breaks a teapot and pao must lead him into the back to sit because of the resulting anxiety attack that happens. The next day pao takes into the kitchen and shows him to read all the measuring spoons and recipes and zuko starts making the cakes. It feels good to mindlessly bake. All he has to do is read and measure ingredients correctly. Its got to be one of the simplest things hes ever done and it feels nice to do the repetitive motions all day. It keeps his mind too busy to bother thinking.

__________________________________________________________________

Uncle, pao and zuko are closing for the night, zuko is cleaning in the front even though he should be washing the remaining dishes. Pao had switched jobs with him saying he had wanted to talk to uncle.

He hears the kitchen door sliding open right as hes finishing up. Uncle and pao look at him with twin looks of concern. Uncle is holding a tray of tea “nephew why dont you sit down we wanted to talk to you”

“Uncle whats this about?”

Pao motions to a table “we should sit and have some tea lee”

He nods and sits on one side while uncle and pao sit on the other. Uncle pours them all a cup and then waits for zuko to be done taking a sip to start speaking “pao was telling me about a doctor he knows”

He sets his cup down “Are you feeling sick uncle?”

Uncle and pao share a look before pao speaks up “the doctor deals in the health of your mind not your body”

“We think it would be best for you to go see them at least once.”

“Why?”

Uncle sighs “lee your ill right now you need to talk about what happened. You dont have to talk to me but you need to talk to someone.”

“We’re not trying to gang up on you we’re just concerned”

Zuko clenches his fist and stares at his cup of tea, he doesnt want to talk about it, he doesnt want to deal with his ‘problem’. He wants to sleep for a few months and hope he doesnt have to deal with anything anymore. He nods and uncle and pao both let out a breath.

__________________________________________________________________

Its a few days after the talk, zuko is about to leave work early to go to this new doctor of his, pao is wrapping up some cakes for zuko to bring to the doctor with him while uncle serves tea to two wealthy looking men. As uncle walks back toward the back the men stand up and walk toward uncle “so youre the genius behind this incredible brew? The whole city is buzzing about you! I hope pao pays you well.”

Uncle puffs his chest out in pride “good tea is its own reward.”

“But it doesnt have to be the only reward. How would you like to have your own tea shop?”

“My own tea shop! This is a dream come true! But no i cant im sorry”

The man looks as though no ones told him no before. “But ill provide you with a new apartment in the upper ring. The tea shop would be yours to do whatever you want with, just complete creative freedom”

“I would even get to name the shop? Wait no, no i cant me and my nephew are happy here, pao has been good to us.”

“Of course youd get to name the shop. You and your nephew would be alot happier in the upper ring dont you think?”

Zuko and pao have been inching closer to uncle. Zuko desperately wishes that uncle would continue to say no. “no no i can't possibly turn against pao’s generosity it would be dishonorable to do so. I'm sorry kind sirs but I'm staying here with pao.”

The men look mad but also look like their done with trying for at least today. They slam their cups down and walk away slamming the door so hard the ceramics on the walls rattle and zuko jumps and grabs paos arm. Pao makes a soothing noise before turning toward uncle “thank you, mushi.”

__________________________________________________________________

He gets to this ‘mental’ doctor right on time even though he has to walk all the way to the upper middle ring and then up three flights of stairs. Hes standing outside the door wondering if he just goes in or knocks when the door opens. An elderly woman is walking out tears still on her face while a middle aged man walks her out. He looks kind and its obvious that this man is the doctor even though he wears no medical apron. Zuko stands to the side a bit farther out of the way than necessarily needed to give the woman some privacy as her and the doctor continue to make small talk. Once the woman has been walked over to the stairs and wiped her face down, the man walks back toward zuko. The man gives him a soft smile “are you lee?”

Zuko nods and fiddles with the basket pao sent with him “i am, are you the doctor?”

“I am the doctor, my name is li wei, its a pleasure to meet you lee. Why dont we go in and have a seat and then we can talk.” zuko nods and walks in first at li wei’s insistence. He points him to a small sofa and zuko sits. Li wei takes a careful look at him and zuko blushes under his scrutiny. He knows what he looks like to outsiders. “Why dont i make some tea while you tell me a little bit about yourself?”

He walks to the small bit of counter space and begins to make tea, zuko watches him carefully looking for signs of mistrust. “Well my name is lee. I live with my uncle? I work in a tea shop in the lower ring. I, um, oh! My boss told me to bring you some cakes.” he reaches into the basket pao packed and brings out a few small cakes. “I make them in the shop now. Pao taught me-my boss, he taught me. I dont read well so he had to teach me quite a bit but i try my best.”

Li wei smiles as he walks back with the teapot and two cups. He pours them each a cup and sits down in the comfortable looking chair across from zuko. “Why dont we eat a piece of cake while having our session then?” zuko nods and places a cake infront of each of them “so what did you mean by you cant read very well?”

“Oh, um well i wasnt taught how? I mean a friend had started to teach me and I did learn quite a bit from him but then we had to split up.”

“What happened to him?”

“I dont know for sure. I hope he got away.”

“Were you running away from something?” zuko nods “was it the fire nation by chance?” he falters for a second before nodding again. “Are you scared of the fire nation?”

“I-i dont know. Maybe. Im more scared of-i dont even know. Maybe.”

“Its ok to be scared of them.”

“I thought we werent allowed to talk about the fire nation.”

“We're not but you're safe here. This is the middle ring they watch us less than the lower ring or the upper ring and most of our homes are a little more sound proof it makes it harder for the dai li to even hear us. Your free to talk just dont yell and we should be safe.”

Zuko weighs the pros and cons for a minute. Maybe he can lie just enough and still get some of this ‘help’ uncle and pao keep saying he’ll get. “I was...married. To a commander.”

Li wei hums and when zuko offers no more info says “thats navy right?” zuko nods “so probably fire nation correct? Given the scars?”

Zuko nods “he-he gave me the ones on my mouth. His...higher up...gave me the burn.”

“That must have been terrible. But you survived and you got away.”

“I did. But barely.”

“Would you tell me about it? You're getting away?”

“I think...i think i'll get in big trouble”

Li wei cocks his head “with who?”

“With you? Everyone? The spirits. They are angry at me, they took my-!” he gasps and feels the panic claw up his body. 

Li wei sets his cup down gently and gets on the floor shuffling over toward zuko. He gently takes the cup from zukos hands and sets it down and rubs his hands up and down zukos arms. “Breathe with me. It's ok, it's ok just breathe with me.” he takes deep and semi exaggerated breaths and zuko follows as best he can until hes taking regular breaths again. Li wei sits back on his heels and stops rubbing zukos arms. “Your uncle told me a bit about what happened to you. But you dont have to say anything about it. I shouldnt have pushed you so hard on your first day here. I apologize. Do you feel ok after your panic attack?”

Zuko shakly nods and takes his cup back when Li Wei hands it to him. He takes a deep drink from his cup. “I'm sorry.”

Li wei shakes his head “you don't need to be sorry. These things happen. I think i know a bit thats wrong with you based on what you've said so far. I think I know how to help you better. We’ll just have to take it slow ok?”

“Ok...what do you think is wrong? Can you tell me?”

“Theres a few illnesses i think your experiencing right now. I dont want you to be alarmed by them. Theyve really only been talked about by people treating soldiers but doctors have been seeing it in others as well. We used to call it soldier's heart, but now we call it post traumatic stress disorder. You're stressed about something traumatic that happened. From what your uncle has said to me and the way you're acting, I'd say that you may have that. Im also mostly only basing this on what your uncle has told me but i think you might have survivor's guilt. Its a symptom of ptsd”

“Whats survivors guilt?”

“It means you survived something and now you feel guilty for all those that passed away. And its ok to feel that way. Do you feel guilty for things you should have done to keep them alive? Do you feel guilty over things you did do?”

Zuko nods “I caused their deaths. It was my fault. I dont feel bad for zh-my husband he hurt me so much, but i shouldnt have done what i done it made the spirits angry and they took them away from me. Because of me my- my! I cant even say it!” he leans his head forward inbetween his knees while he tries to not break down. 

Li wei rubs his back. “Its ok to feel this way. I can help you feel better but know it will take time and hard work. Would you like to come back and see me again? In about a week?”

“Ok”

___________________________________________________________________

Li wei talks nonsense for about ten minutes while zuko calms down, just small things like the weather and market prices on fruits and vegetables. Simple things that get zuko so distracted he calms back down. He slowly sits back up and then realizes li wei has been sitting on the floor for a while now. “Im sorry.”

Li wei smiles “theres no need to be sorry. You did very well for your first time here. Do you think you can make it home safe? If not i can ask one of the neighborhood boys to walk you back to your home”

“No, no ill be fine.” he packs his basket back up. “Im not very far from here i just need to make it down to the tea shop in the lower ring.”

“Ok well let me atleast walk you to the stairs.” the two walk to the stairs. Theres no one outside when he leaves. Li wei stops him at the edge of the stairs “if you would like, id like it if you came back for another session next week at the same time.”

“I should be able to...pao was one of the ones who wanted me to see you so he should be fine with me taking off again and coming back.”

“Good then ill see you then. Please take care lee” zuko bows in thanks and starts down the stairs.

__________________________________________________________________

Hes walking back to the tea shop hes just inside the lower ring when he sees the posters. He sidesteps a group of kids playing and walks up to the poster. He cant make out alot of the words but theirs the avatars bison front and center. Theres a small picture of aang on the lower corner. He turns around and yells out to the kids playing. “Hey ill give the person who reads me this poster a piece of cake.”

A few kids' heads pop up but only one boy walks over to him. “Why cant you read it yourself?”

Zuko flicks the boys ear. “You want a piece of cake or not kiddo?”

The boy grumbles but reads out “searching for a flying sky bison. Name: appa. Has six legs, weights 10 tons. If you have any news please contact. Avatar aang, upper ring, 96th district, building 217. Ok thats all it says can i have my cake now?”

Zuko smiles and fishes out the rest of the cake out of the basket. The kids whole face lights up and he takes off with his cake. Zuko walks back to the shop and thinks. It seems the avatar and his soulmates have lost their bison. He bets he knows who has that bison. He can atleast get them their bison back. Its what any good soulmate would do.

He gets back to the shop and drops the basket off in the back. Uncle and pao both ask him how it went and he tells them good. And he decidedly doesn't tell them about the poster he found. He goes about the rest of his day as normally as his new normal can get. And when its time him and uncle go home and go to bed.

He pretends to sleep and waits to hear his uncles loud snores. He reaches under and grabs his swords and his mask. Puts on his black clothing and then takes off out the window. He has a dai li agent to talk to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think we have about one more chapter before book 2 is done! im so excited for book 3!!!!   
> sorry this chapter was mostly dialog i tried im not the best at writting dialog   
> also i based most of that terapy appoitment based on my latest therapist first meeting where she accidentally made me spiral and i had a panic attack cuz like i had to switch therapist like a month after my adopted dad died and let me tell you it wasnt fun and i feel like zuko would also have alot of issues his first therapy appoitment! hes trying and accidents happen in therapy also i am not a therapist and i just tried my hardest to make it realistic. i wanted the doc to have some info based on him talking to uncle first which is why i had him say some diagnoses hes not saying thats what zuko has just that thats a possablility


	15. crossroads of destany

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> zuko makes some choices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings!!  
> violence  
> flashbacks  
> implied rape mention  
> non-consuntual sedation
> 
> all sounds really scary but all this takes place while zuko is sick with his spirit sickness

Zuko has long since memorized the shifts of the dai li and where to hide so they dont see him. Hes waiting in an alleyway for an agent to pass him hes already set his trap before hand he just needs to lead the man to it. Once the man passes zuko, he springs into action. Running up behind the man and shoulder checking him hard all while yelling “out of my way, skinny.” 

The man nearly falls over and with a fast look over his shoulder zuko can see the man move into position to attack. Zuko runs into another alleyway and can hear the man pursuing him, even earthbender spies cant keep as quiet feet as he can, zuko climbs quickly up onto the roof and waits.

The man falls right into his trap he sees the dummy zuko had made and sends a fist of rock toward the dummy's head knocking it clean off. As the dummy falls apart the man looks confused and zuko makes his move. He jumps down landing silently and shoves one sword up against the mans neck and the other one down and against his leg. He leans in close and whispers “if you dont want to end up like him, i suggest you answer my questions.”

__________________________________________________________________

Zuko gets the man to tell him all he needs to know. He ties the man up and hides him, gagged, in a random barrel, he's sure someone will find him eventually, and then takes off to the dai li headquarters. He hides near the entrance and waits for another dai li agent to come by and open the secret door. 

He has to wait till morning but finally a man walks up and opens the door with earthbending. Zuko sneaks out of his hiding spot and rushes the man knocking him out before he even knows hes there. After dragging the man behind some rocks he sneaks down into their base.

Its not hard to find appa, he just needs to go door to door and listen in a bit. He finally finds the one with the big beast in it, appa doesnt look happy but zuko doesnt really blame him for it. He slides the door closed and pulls his swords out to cut him out but appa rears up and growls at him “whoa whoa big guy wait!” he sets his swords down and takes his mask off. He crouches down and slowly crawls closer to appa with his arms raised and making soft shushing noises. 

Appa gives him a few deep sniffs and apparently finds what hes looking for because he shoves his head against zukos whole body. Zuko lays himself over the beast head and gives him some scratches “its ok big guy i just want to get you out of here. But i got to get my swords to cut the chains ok. I need you to hold still...do you even understand me?”

The beast gives him a lick from his waist to his face and then sits down away from zuko. Ok maybe he does understand him. Zuko wipes his face off and retrieves his swords. He cuts appas chains away and helps guide the beast out of the underground base. Its surprisingly easy.

__________________________________________________________________

Sneaking back through the lower ring unnoticed should have been harder than it was. He wonders if maybe something had been going on in that base that made them all busy down there. Maybe they knew someone had broken in but wasnt expecting them to sneak out so quickly? 

The moment he gets home he realizes uncle isnt home. He hopes that uncle is at work and not looking for him. He gets so far into the apartment before hes hit with a wave of dizziness. He starts to feel weak and his vision tunnels, he stumbles, he can barely make out the sound of something shattering and panic fills him as he gets a flashback to his father throwing a cup at him. He can feel himself start to fall but he cant stop it he falls to the ground and lays there for a second before he finally passes out.

__________________________________________________________________

He wakes up sometime later, his head is killing him and he feels nauseous, he can feel that his breast band has been removed and hes in more comfortable clothing than he last remembered having on. He looks around and can make out the blurry face of his uncle. Uncle gets closer and lays a cool rag over his forehead. “You have an intense fever. This will help you cool down.”

“What happened?” 

Uncle helps him sit up and he pours a ladle full of water into his mouth. “I fear that what has happened to you physically and emotionally has caught up to you. Youve never rested from giving birth and you havnt been doing well mentally at all, it's made your body weak. You need rest, real true rest. Sleep, pao understands you will be gone for a while.”

Zuko doesnt want to sleep he wants to curl into a ball and die hes tired and has never felt so sick in his life. He closes his eyes just for a second and falls back asleep.

__________________________________________________________________

Hes a child again, small with a round face and no scars. Hes never held a knife or even thought of harming someone. Hes running through the palace gardens while azula chases behind him. Shes yelling at him to wait while giggling. Her silly giggles turn hysterical as her yelling turns frantic as she screams to not be left alone with dad. He can feel himself aging as he runs until hes 16 again. Finally he stops and turns and looks and azula is 14 again she screams at him that he left her there to rot. Bruises start to form along azulas skin and then fresh burns start to cover her whole. Zuko can do nothing but watch as his sister screams for him. Before her face can be completely covered in burns zuko blinks and then he is the one burning.

He jolts up, awake, too frightened to make a noise.

__________________________________________________________________

He wakes at some point and sees zhaos tent at the military base, hes in zhaos bed and there are hands touching him everywhere. He feels drugged again, limbs heavy and clumsy. Hes naked from the waist up and he refuses to let the hands remove his pants like they are trying to. He screams and fights, clawing at everything and anything hes scared of. he doesnt want zhao or the hands to touch him. 

The hands leave him for a few minutes and zuko lays there panting. The hands come back, an arm wraps around his body and he is lifted up out of the bed. A cup is shoved in his mouth and hes forced to drink what tastes like valerian. He thrashes as he feels it take hold and he passes out

__________________________________________________________________ 

His dreams are all violent and angry, he dreams of killing people or watching people die and yet he cant wake up as more and more bodies lay around him. 

His dream shifts and suddenly hes in the north pole again. Hes fighting someone but he cant see who. The fight seems like hes done it before but he continues to fight. He gets the person on the ground and sits on their chest and arms to keep them down. There's a knife in his hands and he slams it down again and again into the person's throat. He lifts the knife up one more time and finally he can see their face. Its the avatar, his young face is covered in blood as he gurgles as he drowns in his own blood. Zuko cant control himself, he slams the knife down into aangs eye. 

He wakes up screaming.

__________________________________________________________________

He finally wakes up feeling better. Hes exhausted and isnt sure if he truely feels better or if hes the same as before the fever. Uncle feeds him some jook and hes able to keep it down. “Uncle? I think i feel ok to go to work today.”

Uncle looks concerned “are you sure? If you dont feel well we can stay home for another day.”

“No im fine, really uncle i feel much better. Pao needs our help anyway.”

“If you insist” uncle takes a bite of food and his sleeve falls down zuko can see the claw marks on his arm. He tries to eat his food.

__________________________________________________________________

The next few days are slow but calm. Zuko does start to feel better, atleast a little bit, but he’ll take it. Pao gives him and uncle a warm welcome back and after making sure zuko is ok, ushers them both back into the back. Zuko feels alot better now that hes baking again.

By the end of the week its time for his next doctor appointment and although he tells uncle and pao that he shouldnt be allowed to take off work for the appointment since hes been off work while sick both men shoo him away. 

Hes almost to the doctors home when he feels hands shoot out and drag him back into an alleyway. Before he can scream for help theres a rock hand against his mouth. They clamp rocks around his wrist and around his mouth and drag him to a wagon. Shoving him inside and taking off toward the inner ring. Hes terrified, wondering what they have against him and which secret identity they uncovered.

__________________________________________________________________

They blindfold him and drag him along, eventually they stop and zuko hears one of the men say “you got company” 

Zuko is shoved down a hill, his shoulder hits the ground hard and he rolls down it landing even harder after a brief airborne fall. The rocks around his eyes, mouth and hands fall away and zuko tries to sit up quickly. He looks around and finds the two men standing on the top of the hill smiling down at him “cowards! Why dont you come down here and fight me fairly instead of jumping me in an alleyway!”

The men laugh and earthbend the wall closed again. Zuko sighs and slumps forward leaning his forehead against the cool ground. “Zuko?”

Zuko quickly lifts his head up and sure enough there in front of him is katara. Shes in short sleeves down to her elbow but zuko can see the rest of her soulmarks. Zuko doesnt look at his own arm of soulmarks often if at all really. He feels like hes a parasite in the group. Just someone destined to die too early. He doesnt want to get too attached to them all, it would make everything he needs to do so much harder. But he cant help but stare.

Katara splashes water from the underground river onto his face, snapping him out of his daze. He blushes and stutters out “katara?”

“Why did they throw you in here? Suki told us you're the prince of the fire nation but that it was complicated and wouldnt explain it anymore! And you showed up in the north pole with zhao! Evil terrible zhao! And you go missing and then your sister shows up in ba sing se the same time you did? Wait let me guess! All this is a trap!”

“Its not a trap katara i'm not with azula. Didnt suki tell you i was trustworthy?”

“She did! But now she's gone, who knows where because Azula and her lackeys were pretending to be them!”

Fear flashes across his face before he schools it back down “Suki is probably fine shes one of the strongest people i know she can handle herself were ever she is” 

“As if you would really care about suki's well being! Theres a reason I'm her soulmate and you're not! Did you even know her island isnt neutral anymore! Probably not your spoiled you probably dont even know anything about this war! You have no idea what this has put people through, no idea what its put me through! The fire nation tool my mother away from me”

Zuko sighs as he turns around and sees katara crouched on the floor crying “im sorry. Thats something we have in common.” she turns around and wipes her face off, she looks lost. Zuko opens his arm and motions for her to come closer. She slowly crawls toward zuko and lightly leans against him. “My mother saved me from being killed. But in doing so she was forced to either flee or she was killed. I havnt seen her since i was 10.”

Katara leans in further she looks away from zuko looking ashamed, “I'm sorry I yelled at you.”

Zuko squeezes her shoulder “its ok it doesnt matter.”

“It does. Suki trusted you so much. Its not fair to either of you to not trust you. Its just for so long now the fire nation has been the enemy its hard to think someone could be good. And i was there when zhao hurt you during the winter solstice. I shouldnt assume you were with him because you wanted to be. For all i know hes the one who seriously hurt you.” she looks up and touches his burn scar. “Did he? Was he the one who did that to you?”

Zuko gives her a soft, sad smile “no katara he gave me the scars on my mouth and thats it.”

“Then who?”

“Its not for someone so young to hear about.”

She frowns and drops her hand from his face. “You know. I could heal it. I could heal any of your scars if you wanted. Maybe even all of them.”

“You cant heal a scar katara.”

“But i can” she pulls out a vial of water. “I have healing abilities and this is water from the spirit oasis at the north pole! It has special properties, so i've been saving it for something important. I dont know if it would work but its worth a shot!” 

Zuko stares at her dumbly before his thoughts catch up to him “no! No katara, this is war we're in! You need to keep a hold of that incase you need it! What if something happens to one of your soulmates you would need it for them! Please hold onto it. If the war is over and you still have it ask me then but not before that.”

There are tears in katara's eyes and she nods solemnly. 

__________________________________________________________________

They sit in silence for a few minutes. Katara leans against him and he holds her. Hes wondering what the odds of uncle finding them or maybe the avatar group. She said azula was here so thats probably why hes in this underground cave with katara. But what is azula up to? Has she broken? Does she hate him now? Will she turn them in as traitors or does she have a plan on how to get him and uncle back to caldera? And if she does have a plan how can zuko twist it to where she doesnt kill anyone of the gang? 

Zuko broke out of his train of thought to a huge blast in the back of the cave. Him and katara spin around and out come aang and his uncle. Katara and aang run up to each other and hug while uncle runs to zuko and hugs him. “Uncle i dont understand what are you doing with the avatar?”

“I needed help to get you out. We must talk though nephew. Avatar why dont you go and help find your other friends.'' Zuko watches as the two leave uncle turns to him “zuko you are not the man you used to be. You are stronger and wiser and freer than you have ever been. And now you have come to the crossroads of your destiny. Its time for you to choose. Its time for you to choose good. Go with the avatar.”

Theres a large tremor that goes through the ground as crystals shoot up out of the ground and surround uncle. Azula slides down a hill followed by two dai li agents. “I expected this kind of treachery from uncle, but zuko, princess zuko, you're a lot of things, but you're not a traitor, are you?”

“Azula let uncle go, immediately.”

“Its not too late for you, zuko. You can still redeem yourself”

Zuko takes a deep breath as uncle calls out “the kind of redemption she offers is not for you.”

“Why dont you let her decide uncle? I need you, sister. You dont even have to do anything, just come home with me.”

“Zuko, i am begging you, look into your heart and see what it is that you truly want.”

“You are free to choose” azula sends the two dai li agents away and then walks towards where the avatar and katara went. Uncle stares at him.

“Please zuko make the right choice.” uncle doesnt see the right choice like zuko sees it. He sees a way out, a way to get close to the firelord again. A way he can kill said firelord. 

“Uncle. I need you to go train the avatar.” He walks the same way azula did. 

__________________________________________________________________

He watches the fight from afar never stepping in on either side. He watches as azula takes on both benders and is still winning. At one point the avatar and katara are overrun, aang makes a tent of crystal and after a moment it starts to glow. The dai li back up away from the tent before it blows apart and aang begins to float up surrounded in a white glow. Zuko takes a few steps forward. He doesnt even see azula get into position until its to late to stop her she shoots lightning out and hits aang in the back and he goes down. Katara rushes over on a wave toward aang, picking him up and cradling him in her arms. Zuko rushes forward toward them as azula slowly advances. Hes about to reach them and help them when a blast of fire is shot out infront of him and azula. Uncle stands before them looking more angry than zukos ever seen him he yells out to katara “you’ve got to get out of here! I'll hold them off as long as i can!”

Uncle shoots fire at zuko, he jumps back out of the way, he slowly backs away from the fight. zuko and katara make eye contact before she runs. Uncle is hit with rocks and shoots off more fire at them while katara runs to the waterfall and has the water lift her up out of the cave. Uncle looks behind him and sees that they're gone and stops fighting. The dai li cover him in crystal and zuko can do nothing but stare blankly at what has just happened. Uncle looks at him in anger and disappointment. 

__________________________________________________________________

Azula sits on the throne in the palace and Zuko stands beside her. “We’ve done it, zuko. Its taken a hundred years, but the fire nation has conquered ba sing se. You should be proud of your little sister.”

“We betrayed uncle.” 

“No he betrayed us. Zuko when you return home, father will welcome you as a war hero.”

“But i dont have the avatar. I didnt even help with the fight. What if father doesnt restore my honor? Will he throw me in jail? Will he kill me?”

Azula gets up and lays a hand on his shoulder “he doesnt need to zuko. Today you restored your own honor by standing at your sisters side when she needed you most. Ill make sure your safe trust me sister.” 

Zuko turns to her and places his hands on her cheeks,he vows he will protect his sister as best he can while back home, until he can kill ozai, he smiles at her “your right azula. I have faith that you will protect me, i'm so proud of my amazing little sister” he kisses her forehead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so katara might have been a little out of character considering zuko has never really attacked them but i wanted it to seem more like she was using zuko as a scapegoat to her anger just because he was there and fire nation. there is no katara bashing!!! i love katara but as it stands katara is 14 and angry in ways shes never excperianced and is now worried about suki one of her soulmates it just made sense to me that she would break and be mad at zuko. but they made up and she apologized and now shes mad at zuko for good reasons.
> 
> also incase it seemed weird that uncle was undressing zuko he was doing it because zuko is like physically ill at the moment like this is the spirit sickness but also a real physical sickness because zuko wasnt taking care of himself i kinda wrote it thinking zuko had vomited or gone on himself and needed cleaning up but hes so out of it he cant clean himself


	16. rise to power

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> zuko goes home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings!!!  
> missgendering  
> dysphoria mention  
> drug use mention

Zuko locks himself in his room on the ship. He sits infront of the door just in case and takes the bandages off his arm. And then he just stares. He's looking in between all the flowers to try to find any flash of the bright blue of aangs arrow on his arm. He finds a tiny section thats been left blue and scrutinizes it for changes.

Hes never seen a soulmark thats faded. He doesnt know if it fades out to black and white or if it only washes out like a tattoo does. But he thinks aangs soulmark is a little faded now. He can feel himself shake, he cant tell he doesnt know. He cant even truly say its faded out; he barely looks at his marks. He cant tell. 

He can hear a low whining noise and for a minute he wonders what the noise is. And then he realizes its him. He realizes at that moment how scared he is. He can feel the panic well up inside of him and he chokes on it. Hes failed his soulmates and hes failed his uncle. And he cant tell if his soulmate is dead because he doesnt know what it should look like but at the same time at least its covered so now if aang is still alive he can pretend to be dead. He calms himself and covers his arm back up.

__________________________________________________________________

Its late at night theyre close to the fire nation now, its getting warmer as the days go by. Hes standing near the edge. Mai had lent him some fire nation clothing in his size until they could get back to the mainland. Its strange to be in soft luxury clothing instead of the harsh and ill-fitting navy uniform he wore for three years and then the loose but functional dress while in the earth kingdom. He feels like a doll in a way he hasnt felt in years and its a harsh feeling.

Hes lost in thought when he feels a hand on his shoulder. “Sister what are you doing out here this late at night?”

“Ah, azula, im ok im just thinking.” he turns toward her as she leans against the railing

“You really should go to bed, the captain said we’ll be in the fire nation by tomorrow.”

“Azula what are you going to say to get me back in? Father was very serious about me not being allowed back without the avatar or a pregnancy and I have neither.”

She scuffs and looks away from him “you worry too much. I have it covered, dad wont hurt you. Ive already sent a hawk ahead saying what happened.”

“But what did you say? Because the way I see it I did nothing in that fight.”

“I may have said you fought and killed the avatar yourself”

“Azula! Why would you say that when its not true?”

She turns back a look of anger on her face “I wanted you back! Is it so much to ask for your older sister to come back.”

Zukos face softens “azula i didnt want to leave you. I'm sorry, thank you, but that was dangerous of you. If father finds out he’ll be furious with you.”

“I had to zuzu, I need you more than I'm scared of him.” 

He hugs her to hide his tears “ill keep you safe lala”

__________________________________________________________________

He can hear lo and li talking out on the palace balcony to the nobles of caldera. They've shoved him in one of his mother's old dresses, that they had quickly hemmed, and put half his hair up into a top knot, letting the bottom half flow freely down his back. They’ve just finished putting kohl on his right eye and seem to be ignoring his whole left side, he tries very hard to not laugh as someone tries to put colour on his lips and has issues because of the deep scars. 

“Your princess azula, clever and beautiful, disguised herself as the enemy and entered the earth kingdom’s capital.”

“In ba sing se, she found her sister zuko, and together, they faced the avatar.”

Together they chant “And the avatar fell, and the earth kingdom fell.”

“Azulas agents quickly overtook the entire city. They went to ba sing se’s great walls...and brought them down”

“The armies of the fire nation surged through the wall, and swarmed over ba sing se, securing out victory.”

“Now the heroes have returned home. Your princess, azula.” azula walks forward into the balcony looking down onto the people.

“And after three long years your princess has returned. Zuko!” zuko walks forward to stand next to his sister and he looks out and all he feels is sick.

__________________________________________________________________

Its been a few days in the palace and zuko has been keeping quiet. Hes been playing meek and hasnt spoken much at all to anyone. Hes still doing spy work but it mostly consists of creating poison in secret and then leaving said poison in hiding spots around the palace for the spies to pick up. And if they drop him a letter about whats been going on in the months hes been gone well thats for him to know and no one else to find out. Hes trying to keep up appearances with staff and also give his sister plenty of time to find him. It also wouldnt hurt if ozai saw him looking sad and broken. So he feeds the turtleducks in silence just gently tossing some bits of cabbage into the pond. A shadow comes up on his blind side and with the way the turtleducks swim off it must be azula “you seem so downcast. Your not even chattering away to your precious turtleducks. Whats wrong sister?”

“I havnt seen father yet. I havnt seen him in three years not since the marriage, i assumed he would want to see me a little faster than this”

“So what? Hes probably busy, hes the fire lord after all.”

“Forgive me lala if I'm nervous.”

“What its not like the avatar could be alive.”

“Right”

__________________________________________________________________

Zuko is still in his mothers old clothing. He supposes its all that could fit him on such short notice, easy to hem up and be tied a bit tighter. Hes in her court robes staring nervously at the door to the firelords throne room. He wasnt even allowed to wear the royal armor. He isnt sure what that means for him and he really doesnt want to find out but he must. He takes a deep breath and schools his face back to the calm mask he needs before opening the curtains and walking inside.

Ozai is seated behind the wall of fire. His face is cast in shadows and hes just as intimidating as zuko remembers. He takes careful measured steps up toward his father and gets on his hands and knees and bows as low as he can to him and stays there.

“You have been away for a long time. I see the weight of your travels has changed you. You have redeemed yourself, my daughter.” ozai stands and walks down toward him, he gives him a silent command and zuko sits up. He looks up at his fathers face for the first time in three years. “Welcome home”

__________________________________________________________________

Ozai is pacing in a wide circle around zuko “i am proud of you, princess zuko. I am proud because you and your sister conquered ba sing se. I am proud because when your loyalty was tested by your treacherous uncle you did the right thing and captured the traitor and i am proudest of all of your most legendary accomplishment.” ozai stands behind him and leans forward toward his bad ear “you slayed the avatar.”

Zuko decides to take a gamble “what did you hear?”

“Azula told me everything. She said she was amazed and impressed with your power and ferocity at the moment of truth.” zuko doesnt let the fear show on his face. 

__________________________________________________________________

Zuko all but runs away the moment hes dismissed. He walks back to his room and after making sure hes alone in his room he locks the door and shoves a chair under the handles. He had sent out a letter to kano to meet up with him. Hes the head spy at the capitol and he knows were everyone is at.

He has to wait for about 30 minutes before kano shows up. He slips in from the window and zuko gets his secret hidden box out from under a loose floor tile. They leave the window open and sit next to him. “Hello zuko dear. Haven't heard from you for a while there.”

“Had to escape into the earth kingdom things were getting hairy.” Zuko pulls out a pipe of bitter weed and two cups while kano pulls out a bottle of harsh rum. Zuko loads the pipe while kano pours them both a drink and then zuko hands the pipe over and takes a swig from his cup. “But im back now and we can do what needs to be done.”

“Maybe we should go over names and positions since things are falling into place?”

“Thats a smart idea but first. I have a letter id like you to help me write.”

__________________________________________________________________

Kano leaves late in the night and zuko slowly unlocks everything. He gets to bed more tipsy than he probably should be; he hides the letter under the floorboard with his box and falls asleep.

When he wakes in the morning a servant comes in with another set of clothing. Its his mothers clothing again. And when zuko is done doing his hair the woman hands him the crown of the fire lady.

__________________________________________________________________

His father wont see him again to explain what the clothing and crown is about but his fathers secretary comes to him and tries to explain to him. “You see princess zuko there hasnt been anyone to do the duties of the fire lady for 6 years now. Your father said you would be best to take over the role”

“But i'm not the fire lady. Whoever father marries is the fire lady.”

The man sneers “Your father has deemed that you can do the job without being married to him.”

“But wont the people think weve been married?”

The man huffs and grabs zukos wrist “enough of this ridiculousness come with me i need to go over your new duties.”  
__________________________________________________________________

Once its near midnight and the hustle in the palace is all gone he dons his blue spirit mask and takes off to where uncle is being kept.  
__________________________________________________________________

Sneaking into the capital city prison is easy enough. He gets to his uncles cell quickly and knocks the guard standing there out before he can even notice zuko. He slips inside and kneels down before his uncle.

He needs uncle to read the letter he brought. The letter tells all about what has been going on with zuko. He wants his uncle to learn about the teapots and zukos place in it. He wants his uncle to learn about what him and the spies and even the crew on the wani have been trying to do. He tells him everything, about how he plans on having every high ranking official killed and he was going to kill ozai on the eclipse. He begs in the letter for uncle to allow zuko to do this. And to give him and his men honorable deaths once hes on the throne. He thanks his uncle and begs for forgiveness for his betrayal hoping that now that it was explained it was understood. 

Uncle's eyes widen before they harden and he turns physically away from zuko. Zuko tries to not flinch. When uncle doesnt talk to him zuko decides hes going to have to be the one to start. “Uncle...i brought you something.” He talks monotony. He holds the letter out but uncle doesnt turn around. He sets the letter just inside bars but still uncle wont budge. “Uncle...i need you to read it before i leave.”

Uncle shifts slightly like hes about to do what zuko has asked but he stops and just shakes his head ever so slightly.

“Uncle please i cant stay long i need you to read what i brought before i leave.” he waits and he listens to whats going on outside he can hear the guard he knocked out stirring. He knows he has limited time before they ring the alarm or look in this room. He reaches out and grabs the letter back and burns it. “Im sorry uncle...maybe next time.”

He puts his mask back on and sneaks back out before the guard can even fully wake up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you all liked!


	17. zukos masters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> zuko visits his sword master

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings!!!  
> emotional abuse!!!!  
> it may seem like theres gonna be some sexual abuse and i just wanna say that there wont be but like it does kinda seem that way cuz theres something scary happening at the moment

The nightmares begin coming back, as if they ever truly went away. He dreams of his soulmates alot, killing them, them killing him, zhao hurting them, ozai hurting them. Its starting to wear on him a bit, but he continues to go about his business as best he can.

He meets with kano a few more times to decide where to send assassins and spies during the eclipse. It is technically his job as fire lady to deal with the spies but he needs it to be a secret about why hes sending them out. Although it does make it easier to send them out and about to the top leaders of the army and navy. It also makes it easier that they dont have to officially meet in secret at night anymore.

His room has been moved to the fire ladys rooms so that he may use the office attached to it. Its strange to be in such an ornate room and its uncomfortable to be so close to ozai’s room and away from azula’s. Hes been in his new office all day filling out paperwork that hes sure hasnt been done in years when theres a tentative knock on the door before it is opened.

“Zuko, could i have a word with you?” azula walks in and leans against his desk.

He sets his pen down and gives her his full attention “of course what do you need?”

“So, whats this i hear about you being a boy?”

Zuko remains calm as he looks at her, even as he freaks out mentally “where did you hear that rumour?” 

“Oh around, you know how servants like to gossip. Something about how there were rumors you used to wear male armor and with that voice people all thought you were a boy and you never corrected them. Its ok if you are.”

“Its illegal to be that way. You and I both know that. You know how father thinks about people like that.”

She scoffs “yeah but your the new fire lady if you do it then it has to be ok”

“I'm not azula and you shouldnt listen to those dangerous rumors, you could get both of us in serious trouble.”

Azula shrugs and turns to leave “ok, whatever you say sister.” he’ll tell her one day soon. But not right now. He cant right now.

__________________________________________________________________

He writes another letter explaining everything to uncle. It's sloppy and messy and he probably spelt a lot of words wrong and he had to use his limited written vocabulary to write it but it gets the gist of everything thats been happening down. He dons the blue spirit mask and takes off into the night, swiping some food from the kitchens and then heading straight to the capitol city prison. 

Breaking in is easier than before because no one is standing outside uncles cell this time. He slips in and keeps his good ear out for anyone coming close to the cell. When he slips in uncle’s face hardens and he turns away facing the wall like he did last time. Zuko sighs tiredly, takes off his mask and sits down, setting the food inside the cell with uncle “i brought you some komodo-chicken, i know you dont care for it but it was all i could grab quickly and i figure it beats prison food. I also have something I need you to read while I'm here. I cant say whats in the letter out loud. I need you to read it. Its important.” he sets the letter inside the cell as well but uncle doesnt even twitch “you know father made me fire lady...its awkward i dont really know what i'm doing and why he chose me when it should be his wife who he currently doesnt have, but he chose me to do it. Its hard, I'm so lost. Truth is I need your advice. But i won't ask you for it, i dont deserve it. Would you please read my letter?” He waits a few minutes in silence and when uncle doesnt turn to take it he takes the letter back and burns it “maybe next time?” 

__________________________________________________________________

While his sister and her two friends go to ember island, zuko asks to go to his old masters home. It was allowed but just barely. Ozai doesnt really want him going to a mans home unsupervised by a relative but theres no one to go with him, azulas already left, and ozai apparently wants him out of the palace for a few days.

He arrives after a day of travel. Hes not even sure if his master will allow him in his home, he was friends with uncle and zuko has betrayed him. But zuko has brought a gift of food that he has cooked himself. It was worth a shot to see if it was accepted. It was what he did when he first met piandao, although at that time he had only made onigiri but he had also only been 7. 

He takes his basket with the food up to master piandao’s castle and knocks on the outer door. When fat opens the door he does a double take, eyes going wide “princess?”

Zuko bows “hello I came to ask master piandao if i could make new swords. I brought him a gift.”

Fat bows back “you can come in and ask but i dont know the answer” 

Fat leads him to piandao, who is sitting on a veranda overlooking the training grounds. The training grounds that are covered in rocks and dirt “master? What happened to the training grounds?”

He turns around and looks at zuko giving a small smile “hello princess zuko, how nice to see you again after so long. I took in a new student for a few days.”

“And they did that? Wait, you took another student? Oh!” he startles bowing low at the waist “hello master”

Piandao turns back around and pats the place next to him and zuko goes and sits down placing the basket between them “they did do that. They used their surroundings to move a rock to a shady place and placed moss down. Then laid back and rested. It was genius.”

“It was.” zuko was awed he knows he never thought of that during training.

“Is it a problem that I took a student after you? I did say you would be the only one.”

“Of course not master im happy for you to have found someone worthy to learn”

He looked pleased as he heard this, zuko ment it too. He was happy, his master was a skilled swordsman and if he thought someone deserved to learn from him then zuko believed they did. “You would have liked him. His calligraphy was worse than even yours”

Zuko let out a loud bark of a laugh. It was a laugh he really only allowed himself to do around the safety of his sword master. “That had to be hard considering i didnt even know how to spell my own name when i did calligraphy with you last”

He chuckled “he painted his face and rubbed it onto the paper i'll show you it later i hung it up next to yours. I thought they went well together since you had just drawn random lines.”

“Did you make him paint like you did me?”

“I did. It was better than yours but not by much. He drew a rainbow”

“Was there a rainbow?” piandao shook his head and zuko bursted into giggles “well ok maybe it was better than mine i did draw me, you and fat all in my picture.”

“I hung his painting up next to yours as well. i thought it fit the theme of student drawings. Now princess why have you shown up on my door?”

“Oh! I may have lost my swords? Sorry?”

Piandao looks at him and raises an eyebrow “how?”

He fiddles with his hands trying to get his nerves out a bit “my husband didnt allow me to take them with me when he forced me on his ship? And they kind of got lost in the siege of the north pole when my ship went missing?”

He nods and looks out onto the training grounds “i know we dont speak ill of the dead but that man never was one who respected the blade. I was very against you marrying so young, fat had to stop me from storming the palace once the word got out that you had been married off at 13.”

Zuko blushes “you didnt need to get so angry for me”

“Zuko...you deserve a man who can fight beside you. You dont need protection. Youve been rather independent ever since your mother left, and you are a master swordsman. You dont need protection, you need someone strong who can stand beside you and fight with you. And not just with bending i think they should be a good sword fighter.”

“Master? Who was it that you trained?”

“His name was sokka”

Zuko stares at his hands “Master why did you chose to train me...you hadnt trained anyone in years before i came along and from what i heard you trained very few after i left?”

“Talent hits a target no one else can hit. Genius hits a target no one else can see.”

“Master?”

“You are smart, always have been always will be. You think more steps ahead than most should. You may not have been talented when you first showed up with your mother but you were smart enough to learn and teach yourself.”

“Thats the first time ive ever been called smart.”

“You are, from what i hear youve been taught things from the spies in the palace as well.”

He startles “Were did you hear that?”

“An old man has his sources. Id never tell your father or sister if thats what you're worried about.”

“I did learn a bit from them...just a bit like how to be quiet and close hand to hand or knife combat.”

“Hmm...id love to fight you all out. To see what you have learned since ive last trained with you.”

“It would be an honor master.”

“I expect ill be impressed. But first lets go make you a sword.”

__________________________________________________________________

Zuko is about to go back to the palace, its been a few days with piandao in his castle. Hes been staying in his old room and hes checking his bag and about to grab his swords and leave when theres a knock on his door. “Come in?” Piandao stands stiffly at the entrence of zukos room like he used to when zuko was younger. It makes zuko smile. “You can come into my room. This is your castle, and this is just a guest room.”

“An old man like me doesnt need to be walking into a young womans space. And this room will always be your space. But! I have a small present for you. Think of it as something to quell my fears.” he holds a cloth wrapped bundle out toward zuko.

Zuko walks over and gently takes the bundle out of his masters hands opening it and takes out a set of throwing knifes and a silver delicate looking kanzashi hair pick with a small lotus flower hanging from a chain “master these are beautiful. I understand giving me the knifes but why a hair pick?”

“Feel the tip of it” zuko does, it was sharp like a long thick needle “i made the tip sharper than they normally are. I thought it could be used in a last resort situation. Stick it it the right place on a human body and they will go down, or atleast leave you well enough alone for a while.”

“Thank you. Sincerly thank you.” he puts the bundle down and sticks the hair pick in under his crown and firmly into his hair.

Piandao does walk in then and goes and stands in front of zuko placing his hands on zukos shoulders “times are dangerous princess. I just want you to be safe.”

Zuko knows this is how piandao shows love. He places his hand on top of his “i will master i will.”

__________________________________________________________________

He gets back to the palace before azula does and although hes sure he needs a good bath hed rather go work. Hed rather wait for azula to come home to bath anyway. So they can bathe together. Zuko is an adult now and a bit old to be bathing with others hes not either birthed or married to, but the fact still stands that hes azulas older sibling and they can still comfterably bath together until zuko is remarried. 

Hes not sure how long hes working for before theres a knock on his door and a servent is coming in “yes?”

The girl at his door looks nervously at him “youve been requested in the baths”

“Oh? Is my sister back already?”

The girl looks more nervous “im not sure your majesty” 

“Oh. ok well i guess it has to be her who else could it be. Also theres no need to call me majesty please just call me zuko.” he stands up to go, taking his crown and hair pick out and the girl is quick to take off before zuko can even truely blink. “Weird. I didnt think i looked that scary. Is it the scar?” he gets up and walks to the bathroom. He walks into the changing room and doesnt find anyone. “Azula?”

When he doesnt hear anything back he assumes she has gone in already and gets undressed even taking the bandages off of his left arm. Taking a towel and wrapping it around himself to cover and tying it. He walks into the showers expecting to find his sister sitting on a stool washing herself but instead finds ozai leaning over a counter. He stops and lets out a small gasp at seeing his father standing before him in nothing but a towel. Ozai looks over at him “So you finally showed”

“Father?” he begins to back up a bit in the slow way prey do. “Im a little old to be bathing with my father dont you think?”

Ozai doesnt move “i think thats for me to decide. Come here.” zuko swallows hard and comes toward him. He stands an arm length away still and ozai grabs his arm hard and yanks him forward. “You were married, you must have shaved your husbands face yes?”

“Yes..yes sir i did.” it was something zhao had started demanding everytime they had met, even when zukos hands were unsteady and unsure. He had taught zuko how to do it like all fire nation wives are taught. Hair in the fire nation was treasured, you took good care of your hair. You didnt allow people to touch it or mess with it unless it was absolutely necessary. It was concidered an honor for a husband to teach their wife to shave their face. 

Ozai grabs his razor knife and shoves it into zukos hands. He smiles down at zuko “i want you to shave my face.”

Zukos hands are shaking as he nods “yes sir.”

Ozai sits down on a taller stool set close to the mirror and zuko spreads some shaving cream around his fathers face. He tries to stop the shaking in his hands but he has learned how to shave a face around the tremors. Hes been awkwardly leaning over and around ozai and his legs trying to get closer to his face. Hes just pulled the razor away from ozais face when ozai growls and yanks him closer keeping his hands on zukos lower back. Zuko lets out a small shreik as hes pulled in closer. Hes practicly straddling ozais leg and the shaking is getting worse. Hes sure the fear is clear on his face. He isnt sure what is happening anymore. “Do you know why i chose you to be the new fire lady?”

Zuko startles hes almost done with ozais face at this point and theyve been quiet till now “n-no sir”

“I chose you because you are weak and pathetic. But you are clever, clever enough to be kept around. Clever enough that i want to keep my claws on you.” Zuko feels sick as he finishes shaving ozais face in silence. His hands feel like they are burning were they sit on his hip and back. All zuko wants to do is run to his room and hide. As soon as hes finished he tries to lean away, ozai lets him go luckly. He sets the razor down and can feel the panic coming as ozai stands and towels his face off. He feels a hand wrap around his left arm and when he turns and looks ozai has grasped it tightly “did you always have so many flowers on your arm?” Zuko cant speak, he can barely breathe all he can do is nod. Ozai lets go of his arm and trails fingers over the back of zukos shoulders he pulls at zukos towel until it falls and zuko can barely catch it on its way down he is fully exposed before his father and he cant breathe “so you chose a kitsune for your coming of age tattoo. It fits.”

Ozai trails his hand over zukos back but zuko can see his father tracing over zukos burn scar in the mirror. He looks pleased. He is finally able to choke out “father?”

Ozai leans in close to his ear as his hand finally stops at the back of his neck, tight and hotter than a natural hand should feel “bathe with me daughter.”

Zuko can feel the panic fully take over, hes sure hes hyperventilating now if he wasnt already. the moment the hand is off his neck he bolts he might have knocked his father to the side he isnt sure but he knows even if he did he didnt fall. He could hear ozais laughter. He doesnt even get dressed or grab his clothing, he wraps the towel back around his body and he takes off out of the room and through the palace and back to his room. 

He comes to out of his panic later and realizes he could have just killed ozai then. It would have been so easy. They could have killed everyone else later, he could have killed ozai right then and there but he didnt. Maybe he was weak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah that was like a huge power trip for ozai


	18. the eclipse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the week of the eclipse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings!!!  
> attempted murder  
> homophobia mention  
> misgendering  
> thats it i think?
> 
> also this chapter takes place right after the last one, like same night as the last scene with ozai in the bathroom

Zuko sneaks down to his uncles cell again and sits in front of him and cries. He cries hard, uncaring if he is caught in this cell. He lets out sob after broken sob as tears and snot run down his face. He's tired, so, so tired. He wants to fall into his uncles arms and feel safe for a few minutes but his uncle has turned himself away from him, and he doesnt have the keys to this cell anyway. He didnt even bring a letter with him explaining what zuko has been doing. He just wants to feel safe again.

Zuko has no idea how long he has been crying for but once the sobs turn into soft hiccups uncle shifts. He turns slightly digging into the wall where a loose stone is. He pulls out a small cloth bundle and turns toward zuko. “Zuko do you know of your great-grandfather?”

He wipes his face as best he can with his sleeves “Sozin? I mean I read his final testament from the dragonbone catacombs. It mostly talked about his friendship with avatar roku. I know i shouldnt have but i snuck down there when i was about 12.”

“No zuko close but not quite. Your other great-grandfather on your mother's side.” he opens the bundle up showing the original crown prince headpiece “your other great-grandfather was avatar roku. Your mother and her family hid this crown from the royal family. It was to be passed down to you like it was your mother. Zuko. you have the two fighting bloodlines in you, both good and bad. You have just lost your way. But I have faith that you can do good. It is time for this to be passed down to you.”

Uncle passes him the crown, laying it gently in his hands. Zuko stares at it in awe. He looks at uncles face through the bars, tears spring back up. “Uncle please. Trust me. Give me till the eclipse. I'll make it alright again ok. Please just trust me.”

He puts his mask back on and gets up to leave. When he gets to the door he turns back around to see his uncles face again, knowing this might be the last time he ever sees his uncle's face. He turns and sneaks back out into the night.

__________________________________________________________________

Azula finally comes home from ember island and she is so happy she's practically glowing. When the request to go to the bathing room is given to him he takes it even though the memory of the last time still sits heavy in his mind. He walks in and immediately sees his sister “azula! Ive missed you.”

She turns toward him smiling. “Sister! I missed you too. I have news! Ill share when we get to the bath. I'm so excited.” 

They undress,both taking off their bandages hiding their soulmarks and making small talk about the local palace gossip, the gossiping is something azula constantly refuses to admit she takes part in, but zuko knows she loves to hear it. They make their way into the back toward the showers. Zuko takes a seat on the stool after turning the water on and him and azula bath. When they're done zuko puts all of his hair into a bun and helps azula with putting her hair up and then they walk to the hot spring. After they get in, zuko turns to azula. “So what's this exciting news you have to share with me?”

She brightens and sits up out of her relaxed pose “so ty lee, mai, and me all went to ember island. And we had been talking after this disaster of a party. And we were talking about something a little risky.”

Zuko nods “what kind of risky?”

“Soulmates risky”

“Oh,” he sits up as well, “you shouldnt let anyone know you talked about that”

“Can i still tell you at least?” he nods giving her a small smile “we were talking about soulmates and then who we had each been betrothed to. Ty lee had run away to the circus after she was introduced to her betrothed and mai had thrown a few knives at her own. Ive never met mine but ive heard gossip about him. But we decided to show each other our marks. And zuko, theyre my soulmates.”

Zukos face falls, azula looks scared but so, so hopeful. “Azula thats great that you found them but you cant tell anyone. Especially father ok.”

A flash of anger crosses her face “why? Father would let me stay with them”

“Azula being gay is illegal and mai might be high enough socially to marry you but ty lee isnt. Not only that but you can only marry one person in the fire nation you wouldnt be allowed to be with both even if being gay was allowed.”

“Do you not think i should be with both?”

“No azula i think you should love who you want” he lays a hand on her shoulder “but the fact still stands that father wont like it. I'd keep it a secret so I could still hang out with my soulmates. Or at least I would keep it a secret until after the war is won.”

Azula looks down into the water, she looks sad “i will sister. If you think its the right thing to do i will.”

__________________________________________________________________

Zuko is sitting in his office when there is a knock on the door and one of the scribes comes in. the man bows low dropping onto one knee “fire lady zuko everyone is waiting for you.”  
“What?”

“The high admirals, high generals, the war ministers, and princess azula have all arrived. You're the only person missing.”

“Sir what are you talking about?”

The man looks at him in confusion “the war meeting? Youve been requested to go.”

“My father is allowing two women into his war meetings?”

“The firelord said he would not start until you arrived, ma’am” the man stands and walks away. Zuko goes to the meeting. He hasnt been given royal armor but as he walks he is shoved into his mothers old formal robes. 

He pulls aside the curtain and walks in, his father sits far above behind a wall of flame he smiles as zuko enters “welcome fire lady zuko. We waited for you.” men turn to stare at him. He notices that the man he had disrespected and killed so many years ago was replaced; he walks to his fathers right hand side, bows and sits down. He cant see his father from this side of him, but ozai has a good view of zukos scar, zuko angles himself just so, so he can see his father a little better. “General shinu, your report.”

“thank you, sir.” general shinu stands and walks around the map. “Ba sing se is still under our control, however, earthbender rebellions have prevented us from achieving total victory in the earth kingdom.”

Ozzai looks angry “what is your recommendation?”

“Our army is spread too thin, but once the eclipse is over, and the invasion defeated, we should transfer more domestic forces into the earth kingdom.” its news to zuko that there is an invasion of the fire nation happening soon, he needs to ask about that later. 

“Hmm...fire lady zuko,” zuko looks to his father. “you've been among the earth kingdom commoners. Do you think that adding more troops will stop these rebellions?”

Zuko knows this is a test that he must not fail “the people of the earth kingdom are proud and strong. They can endure anything as long as they have hope.”

“Yes, your right.” ozai sounds thoughtful. “We need to destroy their hope.”

Zuko keeps his mouth firmly shut as Azula speaks up “well i think you should take their precious hope, and the rest of their land and burn it all to the ground.” him and azula make eye contact before she looks back to ozai. All zuko can think looking at her is how far down ozai has brought her.

“Yes, yes, your right azula.” ozai gets up and walks down toward the map “sozins comet is almost upon us, and on that day, it will endow us with the strength and power of a hundred suns. No bender will stand a chance against us.”

General shinu speaks up asking “what are you suggesting, sir?”

“When the comet last came, my grandfather, firelord sozin, used it to wipe out the air nomads. Now I will use its power to end the earth kingdom permanently!” he walks onto the middle of the map “from our airships we will rain fire over their lands, a fire that will destroy everything, and out of the ashes, a new world will be born, a world in which all the lands are fire nation, and i am the supreme ruler of everything!”

The men all clap and zuko stares at the floor in shame.

__________________________________________________________________

Zuko stares at ozais portrait, its huge and imposing. Azula walks up to him standing on his good side she turns to him smiling “you must be so happy. You finally got to go to a war meeting. You were finally treated equally sister.”

He feels queasy “Of course azula, of course.”

__________________________________________________________________

When he next sees kano he asks him to come to his room that night. They only have a few days before the eclipse and although everything is set up he has a special mission for kano and ena. Once its nightfall zuko locks his door and sets a chair under the handle. Kano comes in through the window and together they write two letters.

The first letter is the same letter hes been writing to his uncle but he keeps out that he is the leader of the teapots; he simply writes that hes apart of them. He tells him about how hes been working for them since he was on the ship, and that hes been trained as a spy since just after his mother left. He tells him what his role is during the eclipse and that hes sorry for lying to him so much. He tells him about how he wants him to get on the throne because by the time this letter gets to him it will be too late for zuko. He begs his uncle for his forgiveness and asks that he gets his sister the help she so desperately needs to get healthy again after all ozai has done to her. He signs this letter in his own blocky writing.

The second letter is a plea for help from the leader of the white lotus. Zuko knows what kind of deaths await those who commit treason. The teapots are committing high treason and the best any of them can hope for is a life at boiling rock. But those who will be killing anyone will be given death. And its not officially a death zuko wants to go through, being drowned isnt an honorable death in the fire nation. He writes to the leader asking for them to either break into the prisons the teapots are being held in and kill them all or sneak them all a knife so they could kill themselves honorably. He doesnt bother to ask them to get them out or pardon them. All the teapots know what was awaiting them at the end of this, you cant trust a spy that has double crossed its master. 

He lies in the letter he lets them know that hes apart of the teapots just so they know that one of the princesses is a part of their ranks. But lets them know as though it was someone else writing the letter. Its best that way, who knows if they would work with them if they knew he was in charge. He tells them about ozais plan for sozin's comet and ask them to keep it in mind just in case they fail in their quest to stop ozai. He also asks them to take back ba sing se if the avatar is going to go after ozai. Its a logical move for them to take ba sing se back its a huge stronghold for the earth kingdom and with it taken back while ozai is defeated by the avatar, the wars dynamic will be switched and the fire nation will be forced to admit defeat. He ends the letter with an apology in the likelihood that they fail, and asks their leader to put iroh on the throne when everything is said and done. He simply signs the letter ‘the leader of the teapots’ he figures thats better than a fake name.

He gives the letter to kano and instructs him to find ena and wait and see what happens during the eclipse. He wants them to deliver the messages to the white lotus and his uncle but first he wants to see if they can even be successful. He also fears that both his uncle or the white lotus will ruin their plans. He lets kano know as well about his own plans after the eclipse, if he succeeds or survives failing he will be running off and finding the avatar. He knows that there is an invasion planned and if it happens aang will probably be leading it. He asks kano to meet him at the western air temple if zuko survives. Its a logical place to go when the invasion fails. 

He bids kano a farwell and good luck. Who knows if they will ever meet again.

__________________________________________________________________

Zuko takes his crown out and writes a letter to his sister apologizing for betraying her and letting her know how much he loves her. He lays it and his crown on her pillow. She was already in the bunker so he knows she wont find it until later. He then ties his swords to his back, readies a vial of poison and walks to the bunker himself. 

He has brought with him a pot of tea, he pours the poison into the pot, and takes it and two cups to where ozai has hidden himself. He stands outside the door until he can feel the fire inside waning, he knocks before entering. Ozai looks up at him “fire lady zuko. Why have you come here?”

“I brought you some tea. And I thought I could help protect you when the eclipse happens. And I know its rather dishonorable for a firebender to be good with swords. I am quite good. I could definitely protect you.”

Ozai on with disdain before he smiles again. “Guards, leave us. My daughter can protect me just as well as any of you can.” the guards all turn and file out. “Come daughter, come have tea with me.”

Zuko comes toward him and sets down. He pours them both a cup and when ozai doesnt take a drink zuko takes his own drink. Ozai finally drinks from his cup. And finding nothing wrong with the taste takes another drink. Zuko has added arsenic to the pot of tea. Its tasteless and odorless and perfect for this. He knows all it will take is a single cup of this tea for the affects to happen. Zuko looks to his father as he continues to drink his tea. “So father, please tell me why did you invite me to the war meeting?”

Ozai smiles “I have plans for you daughter. Great, great plans.”

“Please father may i know of these great plans? So i may better prepare myself. Id like to not disappoint you when the time comes for these plans to come to fruition.” zuko can feel the sun inside him leave.

Ozai looks over at him, his smile growing ever so bigger “when I take this world over I want you to rule at my side. Youve been a much better fire lady than your mother. So much easier to control, and much smarter. I want you in my war room to give advice.” ozai grabs his chin roughly with one hand “and dont think i dont know what youve been up to with the spies. Youve been the one providing them with poison I know. But you're too much of a coward to do anything. I control you through and through. You will never escape me. Now drink your tea with me.”

Zuko is shaken; he drinks from his cup everytime ozai does and he realizes his mistake the moment his own head starts to hurt. Ozai grabs his head in pain, leaning forward a bit and screwing his eyes up in pain. Ozai stands suddenly and leans over and vomits. He looks at zuko in anger. Zuko is in pain as well his stomach is cramping and as he looks up at ozai he realizes ozai might very well kill him here and now. But he must lie about how sick he feels even if hes sure his face has lost its colour just like ozais has “father do you feel alright?”

“Did you really think you could poison me, your lord! And get away with it?”

“Father?” zuko stumbles his way to his feet he feels dizzy and tired. He backs himself up closer to the door and away from his father. He can feel the sun coming back. 

“You will pay for this zuko.” zuko has one second to get ready as ozai tries to strike him with lightning. Zuko holds it in himself as hes pushed back from the force of it all and then finally is able to push it back out at ozai. He doesnt take the time to see if it hits ozai he's too busy trying to escape.

He wants to go find his uncle and break him out but even though the fatigue from the poison has left he feels weak. He knows he wont have time or the energy to get him out and not die before. He only drank two thirds of a cup but zuko is smaller than ozai so it shouldnt take as much to take zuko down. 

He runs to the warehouse where the war balloons are kept, grabbing the bag of clothing kano had gotten for him. He finds some barrels of blasting jelly close by and rolls them near the base. He sneaks into one of the balloons and gets the balloon up off the ground. He can see guards running toward his balloon and he waits for him to get a little higher before sending a blast of fire toward the blasting jelly. He ducks down to hide from the blast and only heaves himself back up once the explosion has stopped. He looks over the side of the balloon down at the warehouse and sees that it is mostly on fire. He gets up into the clouds away from the airships and other war balloons. While on his way to the western air temple he spots the avatars bison and decides to follow them.

__________________________________________________________________

Zuko is barely awake and barely standing, his flames are spitting out in fluttering waves. The avatars group lands at the temple and zuko sits the balloon on the top near a river. He barely gets out of the balloon; he doesnt even bother to light a fire or grab his clothing; he simply grabs the blanket out of his pack and then makes sure the balloon fire is put out.

He flops on to the ground near the shade of the trees and a log and lays the blanket over top of himself haphazardly. Hes can barely think, hes so confused and his mind is swimming. The only thought that really sticks out to him and stays with him is that hes still in his mother's clothing.

He passes out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i do wanna say i really tried to show the differences in azula with different people like she still says to burn the earth kingdom but its more of a show she puts on to stay out of ozais anger/this is the way ozai has made her think and her with zuko is more of a how she is cuz shes allowed to be the kid she is and ill be talking about how azula acts with the gang and how different she is with them too and like i mean shes just as mean to the gaang as she was in canon but theres a reason for that and like ill be exploring azula a bit more


	19. the western air temple

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> zuko survives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings!!!  
> emetophobia mention  
> i think thats it?
> 
> so i didnt mention this but there is a side story from irohs pov and it takes place inbetween this chapter and last chapter so go check it out! its called two letters

Theres a loud thud and zuko jolts awake. He feels sticky and ill, hes not sure how long hes been asleep or if he will still survive. He feels weak and he can feel something smeared across his face, he can barely keep his eyes open and he cant even twitch a finger.

Theres a quieter thud “Come on guys there's a river this way. We can go get some fish.”

And another thud “ok ok we're going. We should have brought aang with us we could have practiced waterbending in the river”

And a slightly louder thud that sent a small tremor through the ground “twinkletoes is still brooding.”

“Well either way we're here to fish not practice your magic water tricks”

“Oh come on sokka i thought you were over that!”

“Shut it sugar queen i feel something” the three go quiet for a second, long enough that zuko nearly slips into unconsciousness again “i think there's a person? It feels like a person. But their heart and breathing is off.”

“How close are they?”

“And what do you mean they sound off?”

“Theyre over near that log, i think, i dont know their hard to feel. They kinda sound like my grandma did before she died. Like their heart is really slow, dangerously slow and they're barely breathing.”

“Come on then lets go find them. I'm sure katara can at least make them comfortable if they're not. toph you stay near appa you dont need to get closer”

“Sokka i can already feel them it wont hurt to get closer to them”

Theres a loud tired sigh “ok but i want you to stay a bit back ok, just in case theyre dangerous” Zuko can hear them walking over to his hiding spot “well whoever they are their fire nation”

“How can you tell?”

“Shes wearing fire nation clothing”

Hes rolled over and he can see one of his soulmates,sokkas, face grimace “its zuko? Why is zuko dying? Why is he here?”

Katara comes into his line of vision “who cares! We should leave him!”

“Wait long braid zuko?”

Sokka wets a cloth and scrubs at zukos face where one one thick stickiness sits “yeah long braid zuko. Katara can you figure out whats killing him? Whatever is doing it is making him vomit blood.”

“Why should i! He turned against us and then we found out hes the freaking fire lady! He turned against us!”

“Katara! Suki loves him! We owe it to her to heal him! She had so much faith in him!”

“And look where that got her! She might be dead!”

“Katara!” sokka yells, zuko tries to speak, to ask questions about suki, but all that leaves his throat is a wet gurgle, sokka leans closer tilting zukos head to the side so fluid could leave his mouth “shhhhhhh, dont try to speak. Dont worry we’ll help you.”

“Like hell we will!”

The third voice speaks up again, timidly, they sound as though theyve been crying “come on sugar queen, they sound so bad. Please, i know they did bad at ba sing se but please help”

“Come on katara i know you. If you dont help them their death will be on your conscience. I know how you feel about jet, think of this as helping suki.”

“How dare you!” he can hear her shuffle away “this is nothing like that!”

“Isnt it?”

“How can you say that!” 

“Think of all the information we can get out of them”

“Fine!” He hears her pop the lid off of something “ill heal them as best i can. But I refuse to let them near aang!...or toph!”

He can hear the third voice sneer “I can protect myself, thank you!”

“Sure you can toph”

He feels a weight lift off his chest as a dark brown fluid leaves through his skin. He gasps as breathing becomes ever so easier, katara frowns as the water is flung away “there he should live if hes strong. Lets leave him and go about our business! Before he comes all the way awake and can find where we are!”

“One second” sokka grabs a water skin off his hip and grabs zuko under his shoulders lifting him up. He holds the water skin to zukos lips tipping it into his mouth. A Lot of it spills out, he still feels so, so weak. But still sokka holds it to his mouth until zuko lets out a loud cough and spits water out. “There you go, good job. You need fluids. Katara are you sure we should leave him? Hes barely lucid. Bud, do you even know what we're saying?”

Zuko can do nothing but stare up at him, hes so tired he cant even nod, katara sputters “who cares! Just leave him! He’ll survive! Lets go before hes fully awake!”

Sokka sighs hard, setting zuko down gently. “Ill be back zuko dont worry. Get some rest” 

“No sokka you wont! We cant risk zuko coming back to the camp and attacking us!”

The third voice speaks up “but hes never attacked! When, katara, when has he attacked! You guys have never once told me when!”

“Enough! Lets go, it's not good for zuko to sit here and argue above him. If he survives then we'll talk about this. Right now hes comfortable and we should leave i doubt we’re helping him recover at this point”

“Fine! Lets go then!”

“I agree with toph lets go! I want to go back to aang!”

He hears another loud sigh before hes turned back on his side and he hears them walk away. He closes his eyes and lets sleep take him.

__________________________________________________________________

He wakes sometime later. He has no idea how long its been but he wakes up feeling weak still but lucid for once. Hes barely able to sit up, he nearly sticks his hand in a puddle of bloody vomit thats next to his head. He must have vomited and then sokka had moved him a bit away. He feels sticky in alot of places and the smell of piss and vomit is so strong on him he can do nothing but stumble to his feet and head toward the river, dragging his pack with him.

He starts to struggle out of his clothing and when his hands shake too hard to take them off he grabs one of his knives and rips them off. He pulls his underwear down and unwinds the chest bindings and climbs into the river's cool water. He opens his pack and finds the bar of soap and gos to a shallow part where he can sit down, sitting heavily in the water. He lowers his mouth to the water and takes deep drinks, he should boil the water first to purify it but it looks clean enough and he doesnt have the energy to clean it. When he finishes drinking he reaches up to deal with his hair that feels more greasy than those first few weeks at sea when the burn on his face was fresh and showering was hard. His topknot has somehow survived although its crooked and not as tight as it was; he feels the fire lady’s crown still in his hair and he tears it out, tossing it onto the river bank. His kanzashi must have fallen out while he was sick. He hopes it's still where he was sleeping.

He washes his hair first, knowing that it was going to take the longest to do, and then moves onto his body. He scrubs harshly at his thighs and armpits, both feel sticky and uncomfortable. He washes his left arm with the bandages on, he remembers his soulmates showing up and although he doesnt know if they are still in the air temple below, he doesnt want to risk them showing up and seeing his soulmarks. He washes his face as well as he can hes pretty sure he gets all the dirt and blood off his face. 

Hes grabbed his chest binding and starts to wash it with his bar of soap. It's not ideal but it will work well enough to clean it. He grabs his underwear and starts to wash them when theres a familiar loud thud and then two smaller thumps. He can hear two voices getting closer to the river “zuko? Are you over here? I'm following your clothes please dont be naked when i get there!”

“Shut up sokka! Surely he wont be naked.” katara and sokka show up through the trees and near the river bank. Zuko doesnt bother to cover himself; he cant find it in him to care they wont be able to see his crotch. Nudity in the fire nation is a lot different anyway, breasts are for feeding children and its always hot so who cares if a woman shows them. 

Hes brought out of his thoughts to a loud squawk and then a loud slap. When he looks up at them he sees both of them bright red kataras hand over sokkas eyes. “What are you two doing?”

“Your naked!” sokka flails his arms around nearly hitting katara in the head “why didnt you tell us you were naked! We would have stayed away!”

Zuko looked down on himself before looking back at the water tribe siblings “i mean i am naked but you cant see anything?”

Katara sputters “we can see your boobs!”

“Ok first off its boob, as in singular, i only got the one as you can see” he can see sokka trying to not laugh or smile at that. “Also like who cares? Do you not get undressed to clean yourself?”

“I mean yeah we get undressed but we dont get undressed in front of others and especially not in front of someone of the opposite gender”

“I mean technically zuko is a man, his body is just the wrong body. Also katara your hands are like sweaty and i hate it please take your hand off my face its not like zuko is the first pair of boobs ive seen”

Katara rips her hand off his eyes and glares at him “whose boobs have you seen?”

Sokka smirks “oh little sister thats for me to know and you to never find out.” Zuko laughs and slides his now clean underwear up. He goes to stand and splashes back down into the water, his legs heavy and weak. Sokka and katara look over at the sound of the splash “hey bud you need some help? Ill be like super respectful on where i touch you but you were just kinda dying and youve been sleeping for a long time i think and you probably are having trouble?”

“How long has it been since the eclipse?”

Katara frowns “its been about a week? We found you three days ago. How long had you been here?”

“I followed you guys from caldera to here on the day of the eclipse.”

Sokka’s eyes widened and not even waiting for zuko to ask for help gets into the river with him and after hesitating for a second, hooks an arm under Zuko's arm and hoists him up until he is standing “what happened to you.”

Sokka keeps his arm hooked in his armpit and helps him walk out of the water and on the river bank “you wont believe me if i tell you.”

Katara grabs zukos soap, pack and his breast band and then hooks her arm under zukos other arm helping sokka walk zuko back to his camp. “Try us zuko tell us why. And dont lie like you did in ba sing se.

“well i might have tried to kill the fire lord?” Katara and sokka stop walking and look at him in confusion. “Thats why I went with azula? She didnt know i was going to kill ozai but ive kind of been planning on killing ozai for years and i wasnt going to lose my chance.”

“Ok but how did you end up almost dying”

“Oh. I might have had to poison myself to poison ozai.”

Sokka pinches the bridge of his nose, looks to katara and after giving a small nod the three begin walking again “i dont understand how you poison yourself to poison another but ill take it. You got any idea if it killed ozai or not?”

“I dont, I have trustworthy spies who were going to come find me in this area and let me know but ozai threw up right after drinking the poison it might not have sunk in and killed him. I wasnt able to throw it up because ozai attacked me right after throwing up and I was too busy running away and trying to survive. But he should be sick atleast. I used a poison that sinks in quickly but kills slowly.”

“Great just great. Couldnt even do that to help us.”

“Katara!” they get to zukos camp and sokka helps lower him onto his blanket “katara you were out of line! He just gave a real reason for turning against us and you and aang both said he never attacked you guys down there. Im not saying you have to like him im just saying we have a chance here to help aang why dont we take it.”

“Sokka no! We can find someone else we dont need him!”

“Really katara cuz last i checked toph summed it up pretty well. We have a firebender who has never attacked us and who are soulmate loves and trust maybe, just maybe lets use them.”

Zukos looks at them confused “wait? Use me? What do you mean”

Sokka looks back at him “we-”

“No! You and toph!”

“Fine katara! Fine, me and toph want you to teach aang firebending”

Zuko relaxes a bit “oh. I mean oh! Yes, I'd be honored to. I was hoping I could if I survived this all.”

Katara swings her arms out wide “i dont want him to teach aang and aang doesnt either!”

“We havnt even told aang that zuko was up here. We dont know how aang feels we should go down and talk to aang about it first. We can leave zuko up here alone while we take appa down to camp.”

Katara crosses her arms “fine. And if aang says no then we will decide what to do with him”

“You could keep me as a prisoner? I could still teach aang firebending and you could keep a close eye on me”

“See katara its solved we have a teacher now if you dont mind im gonna help sukis friend make a fire because they can barely walk and need some help you can go brood over there.” and with that he turns and walks away over near the trees picking up sticks and small limbs.

Katara turns away from them and sits down with her back to zuko and sokka. “Im sorry your fighting. You two shouldnt fight about me.”

“Whatever.” 

sokka eventually comes back and helps zuko build a small fire, setting a few big pieces of wood to the side to add later “there you should be set up until we get back with our decision.”

Katara stands up and the two start to walk away. Katara stops and turns toward him “you should get up every thirty minutes and walk around your camp. It will help get your strength back up. And maybe get dressed. It's going to get cold real soon once it starts getting dark.”

“Thank you katara.” she grimaces and turns back around walking away with sokka back to where appa must be staying.

__________________________________________________________________

Zuko is fine alone.

Until he isnt.

The anxiety attack that happens is by far the worst attack zuko has ever had. His breathing slowly becomes erratic and his hands and face go numb and he cant stop. Small burst of fire leaves his mouth as he hyperventilates. He tries to stand to do something, anything but he falls back as soon as he gets up. Tears run down his face as he tries to remember how uncle and pao used to calm him down. There's a loud thud and a blast of air that blows through the clearing and next he knows there's hands grabbing him. 

He lashes out with a small swipe of fire and theres a loud yelp but once the fire dissipates the hands are back and pinning his arms to his sides. He sobs harder, scared out of his mind but the person holding him just shushes him and rocks him back and forth. “Come on buddy breathe with me come on you can do it come on in...out...come on you got this” Slowly, ever so slowly his breathing evens out. “There you go you feel better? Its ok we all have our moments. Do you want to talk about it?”

“Everything- everything got to be to much. Im not supposed to live this far but i did and i dont know what to do and-and ive been wearing my mothers clothing! I mean so little to everyone they put me in my mothers clothing and i was being used he wanted me to remain close and i dont-! I wasnt supposed to live this long!” he lets out a rather loud sob as hes squeezed tighter.

“Shhhhh its ok your gonna work yourself up again its ok i got you. We’re gonna calm down and we're gonna take you down to the group and we can deal with this ok. You might not have thought you would live this long but you did because you’re strong and i swear ill help you get through this ok”

After a few more minutes of deep breathing zuko tentatively asks “Sokka?”

“Yeah bud? Its me”

“Did i burn you?”

“No no you didnt it hit my leather arm bands and they didnt burn. But hey I got toph here with me too so she can help me get you onto appa ok. We’re gonna take you down to the rest of the gaang. Im gonna let you go alright and im gonna help you gather your things and then we’re going to go. Are you walking any better?”

“Ive been doing what katara said ive been getting up every 30 minutes and walking but i couldnt stand up last time while i was crying.”

“Ok i can help you. If I need to, I can carry you. No offence but you're really underweight? Like seriously when was the last time you ate a good meal?” sokka gently lets him go and starts gathering his blanket and pack. Zuko had gotten dressed and put his hair back up with his kanzashi right after katara and sokka had left him alone so everything was packed away neatly the only thing he really was keeping that he was wearing before and hadnt put back on was the fire lady’s crown. If felt wrong to leave without it.

“I dont think i remember when i last had a meal in general. I always picked at them even before what happened with the baby.”

Toph had gotten closer “wait are you uncles pregnant nephew?”

“Wait you two met?”

“I did meet you with uncle it was in the abandoned town with azula”

“I thought you felt familiar. What happened to the baby? You wernt that far along”

“Toph!” 

“Its ok i um i lost them. I didnt take care of myself and was to stressed all the time and they died.”

Sokka lays a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently. “Im sorry. I dont know any fire nation prayers but may la carry their soul to the spirits safely.”

“Thank you. They had to have an earth kingdom burial but I was able to quietly say a fire nation prayer to agni for protection. Although i think agni was angry at me and that's why they died.”

Toph startles “no! No spirit would do that. Why would he even be mad at you?”

Zuko looks down at his hands. “I had killed my husband. I killed the father of my child and that was a bad thing. And they punished me for it.”

“Zhao wasnt a nice man to you. He hurt you. I saw him hurt you. I dont think agni would punish you for killing a man who was a danger to you.”

“You dont understand. In the fire nation we dont marry our soulmates we marry in the same social class as each other. But the husband marks the wifes face with a knife agni blessed. Our marriage was blessed by agni he seen it approved and then I killed him.”

“Who said the knife was blessed? They were wrong. Suki didnt say much to the group but she told me a bit. She told me about how you showed up at age thirteen with marriage scars on your face still fresh and bleeding when you talked too much. There's no way any great spirit would bless a marriage that young. I refuse to believe it.”

“The fact still stands that the baby died because agni was mad.”

“The baby died because you are 16 and were starving. You were too young to get pregnant and far too young to be forced into a marriage. It wasnt your fault in any way. In the water tribe people are discouraged from getting pregnant until they are 20 even if they are married younger and even with this war going on and our people dwindling. You arent at fault zuko and agni isnt mad at you please realize that.” 

“Ill keep it in mind, but i make no promises.”

Sokka lets out a deep tired sigh and turns to toph, handing her zukos pack. “Toph carry that im gonna carry zuko over to appa.”

She nods and grabs the pack. Sokka stands and grabs zuko under his knees and behind his back and lifts him up. The three head to appa and toph bends the earth under them up so sokka can sit zuko down into the saddle. Sokka climbs up onto appas head and toph joins zuko in the saddle, sticking an arm through a hole and holding on tightly. Zuko isnt sure if hes wanted but he scoots closer to her to try and keep her safe. 

They fly down to the air temple and sokka sits them down gently, toph jumps down and then raises a wide pillar of earth up next to the saddle while sokka climbs up and into the saddle toph smiles at him “alright sparky time to meet everyone.”

“Im gonna pick you up again. Ill put you down on your feet and hold onto you once we're set back down ok.” zuko nods and sokka picks him up and steps out onto the pillar. Toph lowers them down gently and sokka sets him down on his feet but keeps a firm hold on his arm in case he starts to fall. They slowly work their way over toward the fire. 

There is a group around the fire and zuko can see aang and katara, along with three others who he doesnt recognize. He stumbles over with the help of sokka and all 5 of the others stare at him. Hes nervous under their scrutiny. He knows they dont like him and he doesnt blame them. Hes going to have to try real hard to keep his soulmarks hidden from them. They might get mad and make him leave the group before hes able to teach aang firebending. And if hes being honest hes not sure he will survive them rejecting him. 

Katara glares at him “hes not sleeping with the group. He can get a room far away more inside the temple”

Sokka nods “ok ill bring him to a room”

She crosses her arms “and he can stay there until he has to train aang.”

“Katara he needs to eat. He's too skinny, you seen how skinny he is, you and I both know he's starving.”

Aangs eyes look confused as katara scoops a bowl of soup out “why is zuko too skinny? What happened?”

Katara shoves the bowl sokkas way “here he can eat in his room. I want him out of here”

“Fine! Toph can you help me?” he hands toph, who is silently glaring at katara, the bowl of food and once she takes it the two of them help zuko out and further into the temple. Once they make it so far in sokka turns and helps him enter a room. Zuko is glad, hes worn out, hes only been awake for 6 hours or so and his legs feel weak. Sokka sits him down on the stone slab “here zuko, sorry it has to be like this but soon ok soon you can sit with us and not have to stay in here all the time. Dont worry katara will come around she always does.”

Toph hands him the bowl of stew and sets zukos pack down next to him “see you sparky”

Zuko smiles “thank you both, all of you, thank you. This is more than i should ask for.”

Sokka smiles “no problem i guess once you feel better you can start training aang. Try to get up and walk every once in a while it will help build your strength back up. Ill bring you some food again tomorrow.”

And with that sokka and toph turn and leave and zuko is alone again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact the way sokka picks zuko up to get him standing is a real thing you should do with the elderly/immoble if you grab their hand and pull them up it can hurt you or them so you instead hook you arm under their armpit and lift. its how i pick up my mama and i feel like sokka and katara have both had to do it to help pick up gran gran or another village elder from the ground. 
> 
> also just in case you didnt read it above dont forget that there is a side story through irohs pov if youd like to read other side storys let me know! i have another one planed on how zuko and suki meet that will happen after the boiling rock chapter(s)


	20. the firebending masters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> zuko and aang meet the original firebending masters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings  
> assassination attempts

Zuko has been here for a few days and with each passing day he feels stronger. Its been almost two weeks since his poisoning and hes sure hes well enough to begin training aang. When sokka comes with a bowl of food for him,because katara still wont allow him near the group, zuko lets him know he can begin aangs training “you sure? You do seem to be walking better and you seem stronger. But its no rush you know”

“I can do it sokka im not weak i'm all better and i'm wasting time at this point”

Sokka stares at him for a second before nodding slowly “ok but you have to take it easy, theres no way your ready for some crazy moves”

“Im rather sure we wont be doing anything but the basics for a while so i think we’re good”

Sokka nods again “when do you want to start?”

“After breakfast if we can”

“Ill let him know, come out to the group after you finish eating” Sokka turns and walks away, leaving zuko alone to eat quickly and get ready.

__________________________________________________________________

After a whole lot of glares from katara he's allowed to take the avatar to the courtyard below to train together. He walks until he can feel the sun on his skin and sits down in the lotus position and pats the floor in front of him. “The key to firebending is meditation, aang. So come here and sit with me.”

Aang groans long and hard and shuffles his feet over, plopping down in front of him and getting into position. “Jeong jeong already taught me how to do all this.”

“The deserter jeong jeong? Huh, well you need to meditate a lot when you're a firebender. I'm not sure about the other elements meditation practices but we have to do it to find and control our inner flame. Even the firelord himself meditates for a while each morning. We even have times in the day we take off to do meditations.”

“Is that why all the stores were closed for an hour every day? Everyone looked at us weird when we asked.”

Zuko laughs “no thats the afternoon sleep. We sleep when its hottest out after a midday meal. Its so hot in the fire nation that when the sun is highest it's too hot for us to really work so we sleep instead.”

“They do something similar in the water tribe. Atleast thats what katara and sokka say.”

“They do?”

“They said they sleep alot during the winter because it's too cold to work outside for long. They said they dont even hunt in the winter they only fish. So they tend to sleep in when its coldest so they dont have to leave their warm beds.”

“Huh, small world and all that. Well aang since youve had a small amount of training im going to assume you can make a small flame.” he folds his hands in his lap and waits for aang to do the same but aang just looks nervous. Cautiously zuko creates a small flame barely bigger than a candle flame but it makes aang jump “Your scared of fire”

Aang wrings his hands and looks away “i mean not really but kind of?”

Zuko nods slowly, and keeps a calm, soothing voice “Can you tell me why?”

“I had hurt katara I burned her I wanted to fire bend so badly that I didnt wait and I hurt her I wasnt ready jeong jeong even said I wasnt but... ” aang looks panicked and ready to bolt. Zuko can hear the guilt in his voice.

Zuko was quiet for a minute while he gathered his thoughts “you know I used to be scared too?”

Aang jumps and looks at him “you were? Why?” aang stops after that and pales slightly as a look of realization crosses his face. “Wait, I'm sorry its..”

Zuko smiles softly and keeps his calm voice “its obvious why i would be scared of fire thats true. But I was scared and now I'm not.”

“How did you get unscared? Im not scared of the fire in a fire pit but people using fire is so scary”

“I was scared of firebenders too. Fire from a candle or fire from a torch wasnt scary but a fire coming from a person? Terrifying. I got used to it though. I used a fire I trusted and used it to meditate instead. And slowly I used fire from someone I trusted and slowly I got used to fire from people until one day I absentmindedly used my own fire to light the candles in my room like I used to.”

“We dont have time for all that though. I need to defeat the firelord before the comet comes.”

“You do but we cant rush everything ok. Why dont we try to use the fire pit to meditate.”

Aang nods and the two make their way back to the group, most of them are off doing other things, only toph remains behind. He shows aang the way to sit and reminds him how to breathe. It doesnt take long for the fire to begin to go up and down with aangs breathing. Toph joins them near the fire plopping down next to zuko and shoving her rather cold feet under his warm thigh. “Good job sparky. You got him firebending.”

__________________________________________________________________

They spend a few days meditating next to the fire and then a few days with aang using zukos fire to meditate. Zuko feels immense pride that aang trusts him enough to use his fire. After a week of meditating, Aang finally uses his own fire to meditate and zuko decides its time to start teaching him. “Aang, I think you're ready to try firebending.”

Aang squirms “I'm nervous though. What if I hurt you?”

“You wont hurt me aang i'm a firebender too. I can stop any fire that comes near me. We're going to start with easy simple firebending and work our way up. We’re just gonna start with the basics ok? Ill show you the move normally and then go over it with you” the two get up and zuko has aang back up. Zuko gets into the first and easiest kata and does it but all that comes out is a tiny ploom of fire and mostly smoke. “What the fuck?”

Aang gasp “language!”

“No, I mean what happened to my fire?” aang shrugs at him. He goes through kata after kata building up and up until hes in the master level katas but still only smoke and tiny fires come out. Aang has gone to sit on some rubble nearby barely watching.

Aang sits up and watches as another smoke cloud comes out “that one kinda felt hot.”

“You know what its supposed to look like aang.”

“Sorry sifu hotman”

“And stop calling me that! Ive literally never heard of hotman stop trying to bring it back!”

Sokka walks over to them eating an apple, he sits on a piece of rubble off to the side “hey jerks. Mind if i watch you two jerks do your jerk bending?”

Zuko blushes and yells “out!”

Sokka just laughs as he gets up and walks away.

__________________________________________________________________

Aang had invited zuko to the fire tonight after a day of failing to firebend. Zuko wants to take it but he knows he has to tread carefully so he sits away closer to appa. He waits until katara starts to serve everyone food before making his way over. He walks inbetween sokka and toph and sits quietly down. He waits for a lull in the conversation before speaking up. “I think I lost my firebending.”

Toph stops eating “how do you lose something like that?”

“I dont know but its gone.”

“Maybe you should go see the original source of firebending. Thats where i learned.”

Sokka laughs “how is he supposed to do that? By jumping into a volcano?”

“No, I'm talking about the original benders. For earthbenders the original benders were badgermoles. One day when I was little I ran away and hid in a cave. Thats where I met them. They were blind just like me so we understood each other. I was able to learn earthbending not just as a martial art but as an extension of my senses. For them, the original earthbenders, it wasnt just about fighting. It was their way of interacting with the world.”

“Thats amazing, toph. I learned from the monks but the original airbenders were the sky bison.” aang leans back and turns toward appa “maybe you can give me a lesson sometime, buddy.”

“Toph that was amazing but that wont be very helpful in this situation.the original firebenders were the dragons, and theyre extinct.” 

Everyone stares at him as aang ask “what do you mean? Roku had a dragon and there were plenty of dragons when i was a kid.”

“Sozin set out to kill them all, he considered it a test of your firebending. To kill a dragon was to make you legendary and it would earn you a title of a dragon. The last two dragons were killed way before i was born. But maybe theres another way. The first people to learn from the dragons were the ancient sun warriors.”

“Sun warriors? Well i know they werent around when i was a kid.”

“No, they died off thousands of years ago. But their civilization wasn't too far from where we are now. Maybe we can learn something by poking around the ruins.”

“Its like the monks used to tell me. Sometimes the shadows of the past can be felt in the present”

Sokka rubs his chin “so what? Maybe you’ll pick up some super old sun warrior energy just by standing where they stood 1,000 years ago?”

“More or less. Either I find a new way to firebend or the avatar has to find a new teacher.”

__________________________________________________________________

Zuko is bored. Theyve been flying for ever on appa and its boring. Unlike a boat, where there's many things that need to be done at any given time, out here on the back of appa there's nothing. And zuko is bored. “I dont know why, but i thought appa would be a lot faster. He felt so much faster the first time.”

Appa groans and zuko sticks his hand over the side of the saddle and scratches at appas upper back. “Appa’s right zuko. In our group, typically we start out our missions with a more upbeat attitude.”

Zuko sighs and leans against the side of the saddle, still petting the soft fur. “I cant believe this.”

“Dont worry, you’ll get the hang of it.”

It takes them another hour but they get to the island safely. The two awe at the buildings still left standing after this long. “Even though these buildings are ancient theres something eerily familiar about them. I can tell the fire sages temples are somehow descended from these. It makes me not want to go in. i feel like ill be committing a crime.”

Aang turns to him “Its a crime to go into a temple?”

“Like a crime against agni not so much an actual crime. People arent allowed into the temples unless there invited. Its not like the earth kingdom were you can just walk into the temple and pray. The fire sages are the religious authority of the whole fire nation and they teach us a lesson everytime we all meet. We follow them in what we are supposed to do. We are only let in once every season for a lesson. Its changed a bit over the years before it was weekly, sometimes daily, that people would go to the temples now we’re never allowed in. azulon had changed things slowly but ozai changed them drastically and now people look more up to the firelord as our great spirit instead of agni. Its shameful what they've done. Every month a new statue of the fire lord is built and a small temple is burned.”

“How do you know about all this? Isnt this stuff that, i dont know, ozai would hide?”

“Ozai doesnt hide anything. The fire nation has slowly been losing faith with agni. Before firelords were chosen based off who agni had blessed but then it turned into a bloodline. And also my mother was a commoner. She often mentioned in front of me that what azulon was doing was different than it should be done and i just learned to read the signs from ozai.”

“Huh well we learned about weird architecture and some religion, now we just need firebending!” theres a rope trap that aang trips over and zuko has a momentary heart attack as he watches spikes come out of the floor and aang barely make it across with airbending. Aang teeters on the edge of the spikes before finally leaning forward. He rushes away from the spikes and turns around looking scared. “Zuko, i think the past is trying to kill me.”

“I dont think thats true.” he leans down and touches the rope, its new rope, “i cant believe it. This booby trap must be centuries old, and it still works. It feels new”

“Theres probably a lot more. Maybe this means we shouldnt be here.”

Zuko takes a few steps back before running to the wall. He uses his momentum to run across the wall and lands silently next to aang “wheres that upbeat attitude you were talking about? Besides people dont make traps unless theyve got something worth protecting.”

The two walk toward the biggest building they see, it seems to be important so maybe its a temple of some kind. They come to the top of the stairs and theres a large mural of two dragons spewing fire at a person. “Look, this seems promising. Though im not sure what this tells us about the original source of firebending.”

“They look pretty angry to me.”

“I thought the dragons were friends with the sun warriors.”

“Well they had a funny way of showing it.” the two walk on through the temples outer layers until they get to a closed door.

Aang runs to the door and tries to open it. “It wont open! Its stuck!”

Zuko looks around and sees in one of the grooves on the floor a light shining. “Wait its a celestial calendar. Just like the fire sages have in their temples. I bet the sun stone in the door opens it. But only when the sunlight hits it at just the right angle, on the solstice.”

Aang groans “monkey feathers. The solstice again. We cant wait here that long”

“No we cant but we might be able to speed time up.'' He uses the flat of his blade to reflect the sunlight and slowly raises it up and onto the stone. It takes a minute but the doors open. 

“You know zuko, I know what everyone says is wrong, you are smart.” zuko rolls his eyes and ignores him and looks into the room. It looks like the actual temple now.

He grabs aang before he can walk in and takes out a roll of bandages. “Here you need to wear these.”

Aang looks at him quizzically “why? Where?”

“On your soalmarks. You're not supposed to show them off.”

“What why? That's wrong you dont cover those!”

“Its disrespectful to agni and my culture aang and i'd rather you didnt spontaneously drown in the middle of the temple so please wear the bandages.”

Aang huffs but zuko can tell he also doesnt want to be disrespectful so he puts the bandages on before he enters the temple. “I didnt know agni drowned people?”

“He does but only those who commit grave acts. His siblings are tui and la who are waterbenders. They lend their powers to control the water so agni can drown those who are bad. Its a way to give a shameful end to a person of fire. My uncle used to say that tui could do the same to the water tribe but instead of drowning they burn alive. But ive never asked a water tribe member about it obviously so who knows.”

“I feel like katara or sokka would have said something about that.” There is a circle of statues and him and aang both go up to them to inspect them. “It says this is something called the dancing dragon” zuko is off looking at the different spaces when aang runs up to him and grabs his arm “zuko, get over here! I want you to dance with me.”

“What? Why?” he tries to get his arm back but aang holds on stubbornly. 

“Just do it!” aang drags him over to stand infront of one half of the statues. “Lets follow the steps of the statues.” the two do the first steps together, stepping on button after button “dont you see? These arent dance moves! These statues are giving us a lesson. I think this is some kind of sun warrior firebending form.”

“This better teach us some really good firebending. I feel ridiculous.”

The two meet again in the middle and theres sounds of stones moving behind them. They both turn and see a large golden egg in the center of the room. “Horray! Wait. what exactly is that?”

Zuko feels like hes in a trance as he walks toward the egg. Like its calling out to him “i dont know” he reaches out toward it and can vaguely hear aang telling him not to but he picks it up gently and holds it close “it feels almost alive” 

Theres a large gush of tar that shoots out and shoves zuko so hard he hits the ceiling of the room. He lands on the grate in the ceiling, the egg still in his grasp. Aang shouts as he jumps back “its a trap!”

Zuko struggles to get unstuck even though he knows it wont happen “im stuck up here aang get out of here!” 

Aang tries to open the doors but they dont budge he instead grabs his glider and sends a blast of air toward zuko and makes zuko flip over so his face is pointed out toward the air. Zuko isnt sure what happens next but he can hear aang struggle with something before he lands next to him on the grate his hands and feet stuck to it. “I cant move! Zuko go something!”

“Me? I cant move either!” the tar reaches then on the top of the room and pushes them up hard against the grate. 

“It stopped”

“Atleast we have air. Maybe if we stay calm we can figure a way out of this.”

__________________________________________________________________

Its night time now and him and aagn have been stuck for hours. Both have been losing their patience with each other. “You had to pick up the glowing egg, didnt you?”

“Atleast i made something happen. Also im sorry i barely remember picking it up it wanted me to pick it up! And if it were up to you we’d never have made it past the courtyard.”

He cant see aang because hes on his blind side but he hears loud and clear as aang lets out a loud scream of “help!”

“Why are you yelling to? Nobodys lived here for centuries!”

“Well what do you thing we should do?”

“Sing sea shanties?”

Aang sighs heavily, theres a thump of someone stomping a foot and zuko tries to look over at the sound before a commanding voice says “who is down there?”

__________________________________________________________________

Apparently the sun warriors were not so extinct, zuko is still trying to process that fact while large animals lick the tar off of him and aang. Their surrounded by sun warriors while what must be the chief stands before them “for trying to take our sun stone you must be severely punished.”

“We didnt come here to take your sun stone. We came here to find the ancient origin of all firebending.”

A second man steps forward holding the large egg shaped stone “yeah, right. They are obviously thieves here to steal sun warrior treasures.” 

Aang speaks up pleading “please. I dont normally play this card, but i'm the avatar.” aang stands up finally free enough to do so “just hear us out.”

Zuko also stands up and bows deeply at the waist “my name is zuko and i'm the firelady of the fire nation. Or atleast, I used to be. I know my people have distorted the ways of firebending to be fuelled by anger and rage. But now i want to learn the true way, the original way. If you would allow us to. When we came here, i never imagined the sun warrior civilization was secretly alive. I am truely humbled to be in your presence.” aang bows with him finally “please, teach us.”

The chief stares down his nose at them. “If you wish to learn the ways of the sun, you must learn from the masters ran and shaw.”

Zuko remains bowing but aang lifts his head “ran and shaw? There are two of them?”

The chief walks up to them bending down to be in aangs face “when you present yourselves to them, they will examine you. They’ll read your hearts, your souls, and your ancestry.” the chief walks to get into zukos face as zuko stands up straight again. He leans in even closer to zuko, zuko looks down and away his heart beating quicker and quicker. “If they deem you worthy, they’ll teach you. If they dont, you’ll be destroyed on the spot.”

__________________________________________________________________

They wait until the sun has come up before climbing set after set of stairs to reach a fire in a large hearth. The chief stands with them as a large group of men and women sit on their knees behind them “if you’re going to see the masters, you must bring them a piece of the eternal flame. This fire is the very first one. It was given to man by the dragons. We have kept is going for thousands of years.”

Zuko stares in wonder at the flames “i dont believe it.”

“You will each take a piece of it to the masters to show your commitment to the sacred art of firebending.”

Aang is trembling next to him “um, minster sun chief, sir? Yeah im not a firebender yet. Couldnt by friend here carry my fire for me?”

The chief looks unamused “no.”

Zuko puts a hand on aangs back “you can do it aang its just like meditating with a fire except you’ll be carrying it around with you.”

The chief turns around toward the fire.and pulls some of the fire out he slowly moves it around as though hes dancing with it “this ritual illustrates the essence of sun warrior philosophy. You must maintain a constant heat. The flame will go out if you make it to small. Make it to big and you might lose control.”

Zuko takes the flame and holds it gently with both hands aang slowly backs away “im sorry im just a little nervous.” aang flinches as the chief hands him his flame before his face calms “its like a little heart beat”

“Fire is life, not just destruction.” the chief points outward toward two mountains “you will take your flames up there. The cave of the masters is beneath that rock.”

__________________________________________________________________

The two begin their journey up the mountain. They get to a small climbing bit and zuko realizes hes rather far ahead of aang he turns around to see where aang is “hurry up. We only have until sundown.”

“I cant. If i walk too fast my flame’ll go out.”

“Your flame’s gonna go out because its to small. Your too timid. Give it more juice. It’ll be ok it wont hurt you.”

“But what if i cant control it?”

“You can do it. I know you can.you’re a talented kid.” aang smiles and his flame gets a little more brighter. Zuko waits till he gets closer before continuing on. 

They finally make it to the mountain right as the sun starts its descent downward. It seems like the whole village of sun warriors is here with them as the chief and what must be the second in command come toward them. The chief zeros in on him. “Facing the judgment of the firebending masters will be very dangerous for you. Your ancestors are directly responsible for the dragons disappearance. The masters might not be so happy to see you.”

The second in command leans forward and smiles “i know i wouldnt be.”

“But once they find out I'm the avatar…”

The chief sneers down at aang and zuko wishes he could protect him from the look “have you forgotten that you vanished allowing the fire nation to wreak havoc on the world? The decline of the dragons is your burden too.” the chief slams his staff down on the ground. He lets go of his staff and takes a piece of both their fires handing them off to the two next to him and grabs his staff before it can even begin to fall. He turns and walks away while those around them grab the fire and make large rings of fire.

Aang turns to him “we could turn back now. We’ve already learned more about fire than we’d hoped.”

Aang holds his fire up for zuko to see, its still so so small. “No aang we need to see this through to the end. We’re gonna meet these masters and find out what their about”

“What if they judge us and attack us?”

“Then ill protect you while you run away.” zuko turns toward the chief “we’re ready.”

“Chanters!” people start to beat drums and chant as zuko and aang begin to walk toward the stairs leading to the masters. The chief bows and moves aside to allow them to begin walking up the stairs. They make it up to the top and look around. Theres two holes in the mountains sides with a bridge inbetween.

Theres an amplified voice that says “those who wish to meet the masters ran and shaw will now present their fire.” 

The two turn away from each other and bow with the fire held out. The chiefs voice rings out “sound the call.”

Theres a loud horn being blown and then the bridge shakes while dust rains down inside the caves. Aangs anxious voice asks “whats happening?” theres a pause and then aang says “zuko my fire went out.”

Zuko momentarily panics “what do you want me to do?”

“Give me some of yours!” he bats at zukos fire.

Zuko holds him back “no, just make your own. Its just like meditation ok”

“I cant!” aang tries for another grab at zukos fire but luckly zukos arms are longer “stop being stingy!”

Aang and him struggle some more before aang smacks zukos arms and the flame goes out. Theres a bunch of loud crashing sounds coming from the caves. “Uh-oh.”

Two dragons burst out of the caves one blue and the other red. They fly around the bridge. Aang whips around a few times following the dragons path while zuko staggers backwards. He stares in awe of them as he grabs aang and pulls him tight against his chest. Theres a terrifying thought swimming around his head that if he has to he will fight both these dragons to keep aang safe. “Zuko, i think we’re supposed to do the dragon dance with them.”

“Honey i dont think this is a time to dance.”

Aang wriggles away from him “lets just try it.”

“If this doesnt work i want you to run” the two of them part and begin the dance. Zuko can see out of the corner of his eye the dragon dancing along with them. They end the dance and turn to see what the dragons are doing and both of the masters are flying just above the bridge. The great beast growl at them before landing on the pillar of stairs. Fire shoots out at them and they both scream. Zuko covers his face in fear and after a minute of waiting for pain realizes none will come. He lowers his arms and watches the spiraling ring of rainbow fire before him. His anxieties fade away and a calm peace flows through him as he watches the fire around him. He feels flashes of emotion and visions of peaceful fire. “I understand.”

The two dragons stop spewing fire and fly back into their respective caves. Aang turns to zuko his face is full of calm wonder. The two walk back down the stairs back to were the chief and others are. “It was like firebending harmony.”

“Yes” the chief sounds pleased. “They judged you, and gave you visions of the meaning of firebending.”

“I cant believe there are still living dragons. My uncle iroh said he faced the last dragon and killed it.”

“So your uncle lied.”

“Actually, it wasnt a total lie. Iroh was the last outsider to face the masters. They deemed him worthy and passed the secret onto him as well.”

“He must have lied to protect them, so no one else would hunt them.”

“All this time i thought firebending was destruction. Since i hurt katara, ive been too afraid and hesitant. But now i know what it really is. Its energy and life.”

“I think my firebending was so weak before because for so many years my firebending was fueled by hate and spite. But now that ive escaped zhao and ozai i lost sight of my inner fire. But now i have a new drive. I have to help you defeat ozai and restore balance.” he shoots off a beginners kata with a small flame of fire. It burns hot and true, he thinks he sees a shoot of pink in the blast but he cant be sure. Aang shoots off his own blast of fire and the smile on his face brings a flash of pride to zuko.

The chief walks closer to them his face serious “now that you have learned the secrets and know about our tribes existence we have no choice but to imprison you here forever.” zuko latches onto the back of aangs shirt to drag him back and away if need be. But the chief smiles kindly “just kidding. But seriously, dont tell anyone.”

__________________________________________________________________

Him and aang are getting ready to leave on appa but aang keeps staring off into the wild instead of getting appa ready. “Aang whats up? Your more spacey than normal and youve been spacey since we left”

“Well, its just.” aang looks down at his left hand before he starts to unwind the bandages there. He lifts his shawl so zuko can see the curling dragon on aangs shoulder. “They might have been back there.”

Zuko takes a deep calming breath as he looks at his soulmate. He feels both betrayed and the betrayer as he watches his soulmate wish and hope that someone in the ancient civilization was his. “When the war is over. Ill come back with you. And we will ask everyone in there if theyre your soulmate. Together. Ok?”

Aang smiles at him “thanks zuko.”

__________________________________________________________________

Aang and zuko have been back at the temple for just a few minutes before aang talks zuko into doing the dragon dance to show everyone. “With this technique the dragons showed us, zuko and i will be unstoppable.”

As aang and him finish theres a small round of clapping, sokka speaks up “yeah, thats a great dance you two learned there.”

Zuko blushes “its not a dance its a firebending form.”

“We’ll just tap dance our way to victory over the fire lord.”

“Its a sacred form that happens to be thousands of years old.”

Katara speaks out her voice mocking “oh yeah? Whats your little form called.”

Zuko frowns “the dancing dragon.”

Everyone laughs.

__________________________________________________________________

Its a few days later of nothing but him and aang training. Theres a loud boom and crack as a piece of the temple below explodes. They run to the group as fast as they can. zuko spots sokka first and runs over to stand by his side while aang runs to katara “whats going on?”

Sokka whips around like he hadnt seen or heard him coming “i dont know there was an explosion but we didnt see a bomb or anything coming at us”

Toph gasp and yells out “I feel someone! There on the lower level near the edge!.”

Sokka takes out his sword and starts making his way down toward the stairs “everyone stay here i'll go check it out”

Zuko goes after him “like hell you will. You're not going alone.”

Sokka looks back at him for just a second before turning back and picking up speed “ok but we need to take care of this person before he gets to the group.” 

The two make it down and start to get close to where toph had pointed the man out using the smoke and dust as a cover to get closer. Zuko can see the silhouette of a man. As the dust starts to clear he grasps sokkas shoulder and drags him back behind a pillar a bit away from the man. “I know him.”

Sokka looks out from behind the pillar at the man “how dangerous is he?”

“Really dangerous. Hes an assassin but he doesnt work for me. Hes freelance. More of a bounty hunter.”

“Whats he do that can make stuff explode? He got weapons?”

“Hes what we call a combustion bender. He creates explosions with his mind. Hes super strong and always has been if we want to beat him we need to stay behind him.”

“Ok, ok who wants to go in the front and who wants the back?”

Zuko chews on his lip “ill go in the front. I dont know how you are dodging but I'm really good at it so ill go in the front and you sneak up and take him out.'' He has no plans on sokka taking this guy out though. Theres a second loud boom and crash and both sokka and zuko duck down incase of debris.

The two look at each other and nod. Sokka takes off into the large cloud of dust and smoke. Zuko stands up and slowly makes his way closer to the man. He pulls out one of his knives, hoping desperately that he can get close enough to simply slit his throat before sokka gets too close. He breaks through the smoke and up into combustion mans face, he brings his metal arm up and blocks zukos knife just in time. The two dance around each other as combustion man shoots off explosions at zuko and zuko gets close enough to slash at the man. He wishes he had brought his swords.

Eventually he gets close and stays close enough that combustion man cant use his bending safely. He can see the silhouette of sokka nearby and realizes he needs to end this quickly. He stabs his knife into combustion mans shoulder and when he reaches up to yank it out and toss it, Zuko quickly runs to be behind him and jumps onto his shoulders, putting him in a headlock using his legs.

Before combustion man can even grab him zuko takes out his kanzashi and stabs it into combustion mans ear. He stumbles a bit forward and zuko takes it out and stabs it in again and suddenly they’re falling forward. Zuko is barely able to get his feet down flat and lands on his feet right as the dust and smoke disappears. Sokka is staring at him, his eyes wide and mouth open in shock, his hands shaking ever so slightly. “Zuko?”

Zuko looks at him and shoves his long hair over his shoulder out of the way “its done ok”

Sokka continues to stare at him “We-we dont do that.” 

“Do what survive?” he crouches down and takes his kanzashi out of the mans ear, casually wiping it off on the mans shirt before he starts to rifle through the mans pockets.

“We dont kill.” sokka finally puts his sword up. “What are you doing? You cant go through the deads belongings”

“We need to find out what hes doing here. I'm not taking anything. I'm looking for a paper saying who sent him.” finally he finds a letter with, non-surprisingly, the royal seal. He passes it to sokka “read this out to me.”

“Why do i have to read it to you?” but he still takes it and opens it up “‘ by the royal decree princess zuko is to be taken back to the fire nation dead. She has been found guilty of a failed assassination attemt against the great firelord ozai and possibly conspiring to have every estememd general and admiral killed. She is to be killed on sight.’ Man what did you do?”

Zuko is quiet for a moment. “I did what it said I did. I tried to kill the fire lord and then had people kill all the generals and admirals...it doesnt say if they did it or not.”

Sokka quietly rereads it “no it doesnt”

“My men might be dead.”

“You cant ask yourself if they are or not you’ll go crazy. Im sure they did it and ozai just doesnt want to say they did it.”

“Your right. He wouldnt want to admit i was successful.” zuko looks down at the body. “We need to give him a funeral. We need to burn the body.”

“Ok. ill help we need to do it before the kids see it anyway.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took so long to update ive been super busy and havnt had time to sit down and write more than likely the boiling rock will be split into two chapters


	21. the boiling rock part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the boiling rock is a hard place to stay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings  
> missgendering(because not known)  
> breif sexual assault/harrasment

Sokka has been acting strangely around zuko, and zuko doesnt get it. He gets that maybe the group has an anti-killing agenda but surely they understand that death happens in war and sometimes it needs to happen. Hes been trying to ease some of the tension between them and the rest of the group by making them tea and attempting to help with food and chores. Katara is more likely to give zuko laundry than let him anywhere near the food and cleaning of dishes. Maybe shes worried he’ll poison them somehow? Which is ridiculous. He has no poison on him and he's willing to allow her to look through his stuff. But it cant be helped, she atleast allowed him to make them all tea while she watches.

He finishes pouring everyone a cup and starts passing them out. “I'm better at baking than I am tea making but hopefully it still tastes good.”

Katara raises an eyebrow as aang tries to quiet a burst of giggles “you bake?”

“I did when I worked at the tea shop in ba sing se. I got too nervous working out front so i mostly stayed in the back cooking.”

Aang smiles at him as he takes his cup “maybe we can bake fruit pies together! Me and monk gyatso used to bake them together all the time!”

Zuko smiles back at aang and quickly pats his head before moving on to toph and teo. Toph accepts her cup when he hands it to her. “Its nice to get a chance to relax a little. It hardly ever happens.”

Zuko lets them talk while he goes to sokka. If the boy was going to ignore him then zuko won't bother him more than passing him his tea. But sokka grabs his arm and quietly asks “hey, can i talk to you for a second?”

He lets go and gets up and walks off, zuko sets his tray down and catches up to sokka. They go off away from the group and toward appa. Once they get far enough away zuko asks “What do you need?”

“If someone was captured by the fire nation,where would they be taken?” the two stop and sokka turns around finally to look at him.

“What do you mean? Who was captured?”

Sokka turns away from him, his face full of fear “When the invasion plan failed, some of our troops were taken. I just want to know where they might be.”

Zuko is no idiot despite what sokka might think he knows what sokka is asking. “I cant tell you.”

Sokka startles and turns back toward him a look of anger flashes over his face “what? Why not?”

“Trust me knowing will make you feel worse.” he turns away and starts to walk back to the group. He will not send sokka on a wild goose-hen chase that could end in death.

Sokka grabs his shoulder and zuko flinches hard. Sokka luckly doesn't mention it. “Its my dad. He was captured too. I need to know what i put him through.”

“Its not good sokka. For you or for him. Besides, you're the one who told me worrying about your men would drive you crazy.”

“Please.”

Zuko sighs heavily as he turns to look at sokka “they would send the most powerful men to the boiling rock, were talking the leaders, they would send those who can rally the people together there. Everyone else would probably wind up in small prisons and work camps. I dont know how high up your dad is but unless hes a leader who knows where he is.”

“My dad was chief of our tribe. He’s the one who led the invasion. He would be there. What is the boiling rock?”

“Its the highest-security prison in the fire nation. Its on an island in the middle of the boiling lake inside a volcano. Its inescapable. Its full of people who commit the worst and most violent crimes in the fire nation. Last I checked they keep very little war criminals in there. Only the ones who are the most dangerous to them.”

“So where is this place?”

“Why do you need to know? What are you planning? I know you are.”

“Nothing!” sokka turns away from him fully waving a hand in front of his face “boy, you’re so paranoid.”

Zuko stares him, he doesnt believe him, he knows what hes planning and theres really no stopping it. But he can atleast help. “Its in a volcano like i said. Between here and the fire nation. You guys actually flew right past it on the way here.”

“Thanks zuko.” sokka makes a big deal about stretching and yawning loudly. He goes to walk past zuko and makes a small attempt to pat his shoulder but must remember the flinch and lowers his hand “Just knowing makes me feel better.”

Zuko doesnt believe his shit lies “yeah, i'm sure it does”

__________________________________________________________________

Once everyone falls asleep zuko goes to appa, he gives the big beast some scratches and climbs up into his saddle. He leans against the side and lightly dozes until he feels appa move and hears a soft shush. He sits up straighter and waits for sokka to pop up over the side of the saddle “not up to anything, huh?”

Sokka squacks and flails backwards landing hard on the ground. Zuko crawls over and looks out at him laying sprawled out on the floor. “Fine, you caught me. I'm gonna rescue my dad. You happy now?” 

“I havent been happy in years.”

“Look, i have to do this. The invasion plan was my idea. It was my decision to stay when things were going wrong.” sokka picks all the things that fell out of his pack up and walks back to appa. Zuko jumps down landing quietly in front of him. “Its my mistake, and its my job to fix it. You cant stop me, zuko.”

Sokka pushes zuko away and starts to climb up onto appa “I wont stop you. But I am going with you.”

“No. I have to do this alone. It's too dangerous for you to go anyway. We both read that letter you are wanted back dead. You get caught and they kill you.”

“Sokka, I can handle myself, thank you. Meanwhile how are you going to get there? On appa? Last time I checked, which was recently, prisons don't have bison daycares.” sokka sighs and turns back around to look at him. “We’ll take my war balloon.”

Zuko turns around and leaves, he hears sokka jump down and follow him.

__________________________________________________________________

The two have been awkwardly together in the war balloon for most of the night. Its finally morning and zuko feels like the tension is so thick it could be cut with a knife at this point. He took out his kanzashi before they left and instead zuko has his hair up with a ribbon, he wishes he could fiddle with the charm of his hair pick. The two have been avoiding each other's gaze but then sokka blurts out “pretty clouds.”

Zuko tries to hide his jump at sokka finally talking after hours of silence “yeah, fluffy.”

“You know a friend of mine actually designed these war balloons.”

“No kidding.”

“Yep. a balloon, but for war.”

“If theres one thing ozai is good at, its war.”

Sokka rubs his neck and teasingly says “Yeah, seems to run in the family.”

Zuko turns to him “Hey, hold on. Not everyone in my family is like that.”

“I know, I know. You've seemed to stay out of it mostly. Everything except ba sing se and the north pole.”

“I meant my uncle. Sure he attacked ba sing se but he changed so quickly. I dont even think he wanted to take over ba sing se. He was more of a father to me than ozai ever was. But i really let him down.” he turns back around to the engine and shoots off some more fire into it.

“I think your uncle would be proud of you. Does even he know what you did at the north pole?”

Zuko stills “did what in the north pole?”

“You know katara and aang dont know what happened with zhao”

Zuko pauses for a moment “what do you mean?”

“I mean they didnt see the body and pakku didnt tell them what he had seen.”

“But you did?”

“What we consider an adult has changed it used to be on your 18th birthday you were considered an adult but by 20 you were a full grown adult who could get married and have children safely but the war changed that. Now at 16 you're old enough for war. Im considered an adult by the tribe, and after the siege they allowed me to know what happened to zhao, i helped dispose of the body, but even though katara and aang fought, the tribe still couldnt consider them an adult because of their age.”

“Oh” he shot a small blast of fire into the furnace 

“Pakku sent someone for the chief and me after the battle and once we got there I nearly threw up at what I saw. When you took that knife from me i was worried you were going to hurt someone from the water tribe but once i realized which knife you took i wasn't as worried.”

“Why?”

“That knife you took is used to skin animals and stuff like that. Its sharp and deadly but ive never thought of it as a tool used to hurt a person in fact i dont think i knew anyone who had gotten hurt from it. But there it was sticking out of zhaos eye. You stabbed him so many times and so deeply his head was almost decapitated.”

“That day is a little blurry” 

“What did he do to you? How badly did he hurt you that you killed him like that, you didnt do that to the firelord you tried to poison him. I get it a little, you're young and he got you pregnant but i dont know if you wanted that or not. Suki said you were married to him when you were 13 which is far far too young. Not to mention that I watched him beat you when you were pregnant. I'm just confused. It seemed like you were on his side during the siege until I saw his dead body.”

Zuko tries to hide his shaking hands “i'd rather not talk about what all zhao did to me. You only saw a part of it, you didnt see it all. If i knew i could have done the same to the firelord i would have. I would have killed him the same way I'd have made him suffer but i couldnt. The only reason i was able to get zhao down like that was pure luck and adrenaline.”

“One of the men there to help get rid of the body had mentioned you had been crying. Why would you cry?”

“Sometimes you have to grieve over something you lost. I did not cry for zhao, I cried for what he had taken from me.”

Sokka nods as if that answered everything he wanted and leans back against the wall of the balloon. 

__________________________________________________________________

Its night time again and sokka has been snoring on the bench for a while now. He checks the fire and he looks out into the distance and sees the steam from the lake in the distance 

“there it is.” Sokka jolts away and jumps up climbing over to the front of the balloon with him. “Theres plenty of steam to keep us covered. As long as we’re quiet, we should be able to navigate through it without being caught.”

They get closer through the opening of the volcano and then the fire goes out. Zuko tries to shoot more and more fire into the engine but the balloon is still falling, he turns to sokka, scared out of his mind. Sokka climbs back around him to the back of the balloon.“The air outside is just as hot as the air inside, so we cant fly.”

The balloon tips knocking zuko over, he hits the side and hold on tightly “so what are we supposed to do?”

“I dont know? Crash-landing?” the balloon lands on the water and skids to land. It hits hard and the two are ejected from the basket and land hard on the ground. 

“How are we gonna get off the island if the balloon wont work?”

“We’ll figure something out. I suspected it might be a one-way ticket.”

Zuko clenches his hands “you knew this would happen and you wanted to come anyway?”

“My dad might be here i had to come and see.” Sokka gets up and walks to the balloon and begins to push it into the water.

“Ive been told many times that i dont think things a hundred present through. But this? This is just crazy! We need a plan!”

“Hey i never wanted you to come along in the first place. And for the record i always think things through. But my plans havnt exactly worked. So this time im playing it by ear. So there!” and with that sokka kicks the balloon basket hard and it falls into the lake.

“What are you even doing?”

“It doesnt work anyway, and we dont want anyone to find it.”

“I really hope you know what you’re doing. Theres no turning back now.”

__________________________________________________________________

Its easier than it should be to sneak in and get guard uniforms, sokka doesnt throw a fit when hes forced to cover his soulmarks with bandages. “We had to keep them covered all the time back home anyway cuz of the cold. So its no big deal”

lucky for zuko the helmet covers his burn scar but zukos marriage scars show through the opening at the mouth. It makes zuko itchy to have not run into trouble yet but sokka seems relieved. “We need to lay low.”

“We just need to find my dad as soon as possible and get out.” 

There's a loud banging of boots on metal as a group of guards run past. The two hit the wall hoping to not be seen but one man jumps into the hallway and yells at them “guards! There’s a scuffle in the yard. Come on!”

The two follow out with the rest and help break into the loose circle around a guard and inmate. They all form a circle around the two in between the two and the other inmates. Zuko makes sure sokka is still next to him. 

The inmate is huge, towering above the guard but his posture is tense were as the guard is relaxed “i didnt do anything i’m going back to my cell.”

The inmate starts to walk away but the guard creates a fire whip and flicks it close the inmate. “Stop right there chit sang.”

Zuko, forever one to stand up for people, begins to walk forward ready to calm the other guard but sokka grabs his arm and pulls him slightly back “we cant blow our cover.” zuko understands even though he hates it and backs back up.

The guard walks up to chit sang “ive had it with your unruly behavior.”

“What did i do?”

The guard is smiling “he wants to know what he did.” He turns toward sokka and zuko, zuko keeps his eyes firmly planted downward. “Isnt that cute?” 

When sokka doesnt say anything the guard lifts his eye covering to get a closer look at the two. Zuko speaks up quickly “very cute,sir.”

“Super cute.” sokkas voice trembles as he speaks. And when the man lowers his visor and walks away sokka deflates from his nervous posture. 

The man walks around chit sang “you didnt bow down when i walked by chit sang.”

“What? Thats not a prison rule.”

The guard leans up into chit sangs face “do it!”

Chit sang growls at him “make me”

The guard walks away and smiles. He makes a fire whip again and goes to hit chit sang but he grabs it and throws it back at the guard who quickly deflects it away. The guard clucks his tongue and shakes his head in disappointment. “Firebending is prohibited. You’re goin’ in the cooler.” he points over at sokka “you! Help me get him in there.”

Sokka turns to zuko as he walks toward the guard and chit sang “meet back here in an hour.”

__________________________________________________________________

Zuko doesnt know what else to do but does know that most people spill info over food so he goes to the cafeteria. He decides to grab some food and while grabbing some bread a man calls to him “hey, new guy! I know its the rule to have your helmet on at all times, but this is the lounge. Relax!”

“But what if there's an incident?” he walks to their table “if im not prepared,someone could strike me on the head. It happened at my last job it could happen here.”

The three at the table laugh, the only woman at the table smirks “give it a week, she’ll loosen up.”

He sits down when one of the men motion him to “can the new guy ask you veterans a few questions about the prison?”

The woman frowns “normally id say you cant date the guards but you seem to be married already. Married kinda young there”

One of the men leans forward smiling as he gets a closer look at zukos mouth “must have been quite the sadist to give you those.”

The woman takes her empty tea cup and hits the man in the head hard, the other man in the group laughs as the first one rubs at his sore head “its rude to say stuff like that!”

Zuko speaks up over them desperately wanting the conversation to switch “actually i wanted to know if we have any war prisoners here. My husband was killed by the water tribe and I wanted to know if any were here. Maybe i could talk to them and teach them a lesson.”

He hopes he put enough anger and grief into his voice so they buy it. The three all get sympathetic looks and zuko knows hes succeeded. They tell him everything he needs to know.

__________________________________________________________________

Zuko has been patrolling the yard for a while now but when sokka doesnt show he begins looking at the guard look outs. He spots someone leaning against the guard rail. Their small for a guard and their skin is too dark to be from the fire nation even the colonies. He makes his way up to them and stands next to them. He puts his arms behind his back and tries to look like a regular guard. “Hey, there, fellow guard. How goes it?”

Sokka stands up straight and lifts his eye shield up “zuko?”

“Shh!” zuko does a quick look around to make sure they are not being seen or heard and lifts his own eye shield. “Listen, I asked around the lounge. There are no water tribe prisoners. I'm afraid your father is not here.”

“What? Are you sure? Did you double check?” theres a thick layer of desperation in his voice and it pains zuko to hear it.

“Yeah, i’m sure.”

“No, no!” sokka walks to the wall and bangs his fist to it.

“I’m really sorry, sokka.”

“So we came all this way for nothing? I failed...again.” sokka lowers himself to the ground. Sliding down the wall the whole way.

“Oh man. What would uncle say?” he looks around trying to think of a proverb that he doubts even himself will understand. He looks up at the clouds and is hit with one. “Sometimes clouds have two sides, a dark and a light, and a silver lining in between. Its like a silver sandwich! So when life seems hard, take a bite out of the silver sandwich!”

Sokka jumps up and runs toward him, leaning against the rail again. “Maybe we havent failed after all!”

“Thats the spirit! I cant believe that worked. I didnt even know what i was saying.”

Sokka turns to him “no, what you said made no sense at all. It was complete nonsense, it was adorable. But look!” he points down to someone and although it takes a moment zuko sees her.

“Suki!” there's a bell ringing and a man shouting for them to go back to their cells and suki gets up and leaves. Sokka practically has hearts in his eyes and he races off after her. Zuko has to run to catch up.

__________________________________________________________________

“You stay at the door and keep people away ok. Ill go in and talk to her.”

“We should both go in if we get caught we can say that we were interrogating her.”

“No no you stay here. Besides i'd like a minute of alone time with my soulmate, bud, i havnt seen her in forever. I get you're also her friend but we can take turns ok.” zuko sighs but nods and lets sokka walk in alone.

He cant make out what theyre saying but he definitely hears a loud thud as someone hits the door. There's a female guard walking up the stairs and zuko knocks against the door a few times. He hopes she just passes by but she doesnt she walks right up to him “excuse me. I need to get into that cell.”

“No you cant go in there. My uh, friend is in there with the prisoner. She and her group had hurt his soulmate and hes getting his due in.”

“Step aside, fool. Hes gonna have to wait, the warden wants her.” she pushes him aside and begins to go for the door and zuko stops thinking and grabs a hold of her arm and slams her into the wall. The two grapple at each other she slams zuko into the wall and then he makes her bend back while trying for a headlock “Hey hey what are you doing?” zuko can hear the door opening and sees sokka trying to slip away. “Gaurd, help! I think shes an imposter! Arrest her.”

Sokka grabs ahold of him and yanks him back and trips him so he lands heavily on his front. Sokka grabs his arms and holds them there. He leans in as he lifts him up. “Dont worry, ill figure it out.”

__________________________________________________________________

Sokka is let go for another man to take over, they drag him to a cell and force him to his knees. One rips the helmet off his head. There's a gasp as the woman grabs his hair and forces his face into the light better. The man behind her swears “Sweet agni it's the princess.”

The woman pushes his head forcing him off his knees and hes barely able to catch his fall before he hits his head “shes not just the princess shes the traitor fire lady.”

“What do we do? Shes wanted dead.”

“The warden will be here soon he’ll deal with it” the woman grabs him again and begins to yank at zukos stolen armor. “Come help me get this off her.”

Zuko tries to fight them but its difficult when there's two of them. He would have taken the armor off himself if they had asked. They find the knife that zuko had found in the armory and stole but that really is the only weapon zuko has on him. He had figured that would be all he had needed. And it would have been had he not been caught. They shove a prison uniform at him and watch as he changes into it, its annoying and invasive for them to watch him change but zuko was also one of two with a vagina on a ship in the navy. 

After hes changed he shoves his back against the wall and waits while the two guards remain watching him inside the cell. They wait for a long time. There's a knock at the door and another guard walks in. “the warden wants her out in the yard. Said to tie her to the lashing pole face outward he’ll be there to meet her.”

The two nod and the guard stands back while the other two go to grab him. He doesnt even try to fight. He waits and bides his time. They drag him to the yard and zuko lets them shackle to the pole. 

The yard is full of people. they stare and he wonders how many actually recognize him and if they are spreading the word. He heard them this morning making general news announcements to the prisoners and wonders if they had at one point gotten word that their new firelady had turned traitor. There's a large gap forming and zuko can make out someone official looking coming toward him. 

A man stands before him who must be the warden he leans in close and gets a good look at his face. “So if it isnt the traitor firelady. To what do we owe the pleasure of seeing you for?”

“If you honestly think you can do worse than the fire lord himself then you're mistaken. I won't talk.”

“I see you hold little manners. Surely you know that the fire lord wants you dead, yet you show up here and present yourself on a silver platter.”

“If i'm wanted dead then get it over with. I find your breath is worse than death itself.”

The warden reaches out and grabs a large handful of zukos hair twisting it hard and shoving his face up to better meet the wardens “if i wanted you dead i would kill you now. I want you to suffer. My niece was almost executed because of you. Shes been forced to spend her life in the capital city prison because of you and i will make you pay for that.”

“I have no idea who your talking about.”

“My niece is mai. The crown princess’s soulmate. You were the one who said to wait to tell the firelord. Well she told him after you left and now my precious niece is in prison because of you. And i will take my pound of flesh from you.” Zuko trembles ever so slightly and the warden smiles and leans back letting him go. He takes out a knife and zuko momentarily panics before the warden takes it and instead cuts zukos shirt and breast wrap off. His eyes travel up and down the burn scar and zuko feels sick. The warden turns toward the yard full of prisoners who have all been watching closely. “This wench is the traitor firelady. She has turned against the crown and her people and has tried to kill the fire lord. Get a good look at her face, she will be staying with us for a while. You may take your anger out on her. Teach her a lesson like the fire lord has.”

The warden leans in close again laying his hands on his hips. Zuko bares his teeth at the man “You’re sick.”

“You’re my special prisoner now. And you best behave. I will get you to sing for me.” he slides his hands up until one is behind him holding him close and the other is cupping the underside of his breast. Zuko snarls and kicks swiftly upward, kneeing him hard in the crotch. The warden lets him go and drops down onto his knees, his hands flying to his hurt crotch. It takes a minute and it seems the other prisoners are all holding their breath to see what is going to happen now. Finally the warden shakly gets to his feet still slightly hunched over “take her to the cooler. Maybe we can freeze the defiance out of her.”

Zuko doesnt resist as they drag him, still topless, to the coolers. 

__________________________________________________________________

Zuko isnt cold in the cooler, he has his breath of fire but he also doesnt want them to know that the cooler is useless against him. So when they come to let him out he drops his firebending and begins to shiver. A woman opens the door and drops him a new shirt and breast band down. “Get dressed fast, you need to go clean.”

Zuko nods and gets dressed and she takes him down to a lower level and hands him a mop and bucket. He smiles when he sees suki and walks over to her, dropping his bucket and begins to mop next to her. She doesnt smile at him, she looks angry at him, and zuko wonders why she is so mad at him. Sokka finally finds them behind the staircase. “Oh good you found each other.”

Suki and him make eye contact “yeah he found me alright.”

“Suki whatever I did, I'm sorry but why are you mad?”

“What you did in the yard was stupid and dangerous thats what.”

“Yeah but im fine see im ok just a little time in the cooler. You know i can keep myself warm in cold climates”

“It was still stupid! he might get you later!”

Sokka holds his hand up and the two walk over to the back wall and drop their mops. “I didnt know zuko could survive in cold climates and i definitely didnt know you went to the coolers”

“It was nothing” zuko and suki squat down on the floor while sokka stays standing keeping a close eye out for any guards or prisoners coming.

“It was not nothing, it was alot of something. The warden hates you, he's gonna hurt you.”

“Its not like i cant take it you know for a fact what zhao and ozai did to me the warden cant do worse.”

“That doesnt mean he cant try!”

Sokka stops them “we can talk about this all later we dont have time to argue. I think i have an escape plan. I checked out the coolers again. The whole point of them is to keep firebenders contained, right? So theyre completely insulated and sealed to keep the cold in. well to keep the cold in, it also has to keep the heat out right?”

“Just get to the point, sokka.”

A large grin over takes sokkas face “its a perfect boat for getting through the boiling water”

Zuko shares a look with suki “the cooler as a boat? Are you sure?”

“Im telling you, it’ll work. I walked around the perimeter. Theres a blind spot between two guard towers its the perfect launching point. I already tested it out. We’ll roll the cooler into the water and just float with the current. It’ll take us straight across. As long as we dont make a sound, no one will notice. And bing, bang, boom, we’re home free!”

Suki has a cautious look on her face “but how are you gonna get the cooler out?”

Theres a voice above them that speaks up “yeah, how are you gonna get the cooler out?” 

All three look up and spot the prisoner from earlier from the fight in the yard, chit sang. He jumps down and lands in a crouch next to them and stares at sokka. Sokka sputters nervously “what? We didnt-- we didnt say that!”

Zuko puffs his chest out ready to attack the man if needed “yeah you heard wrong” 

Chit sang doesnt even look at zuko or suki “i heard you hatching an escape plan, and i want in.”

He grates on zukos nerves fast “There’s nothing to get in on.”

Sokka speaks up again “yeah, the only thing we’re hatching is...an egg?”

Zuko and suki both sigh heavily bodies slumping at the pure idiocy but chit sang just keeps staring at sokka “okay, well, i come with you,or the warden hears about this egg too.”

Suki finally says “I guess we have no choice.” 

Zuko is angry “or sokka gives me his knife and I kill him real quickly.”

Sokka frowns “zuko no murder! I guess chit sang is in.” sokka pulls out a wrench and hands it to zuko “now first we need someone to unbolt the cooler from the inside.”

Zuko hides the wrench in the back of his belt and chit sang smiles “oh, i can get you inside.”

__________________________________________________________________

The plan is simple enough to get zuko inside the cooler they just have to stage a small fight that ends in firebending. Chit sang walks out of the back corner and zuko pretends to mop behind him until he bumps into his back. Chit sang turns around and yells out “hey, what are you? Stupid? Watch where you're going?” 

Chit sang grabs zukos shoulder and zuko aims for as high up on his arms as he can get and the two push at each other. Chit sang grabs a firm hold on him and tosses him away and zuko lands on his feet with a grunt. “Hey, you watch who you’re shoving!” 

Zuko pushes chit sang hard making him back up into the middle of the room “i think you mean whom i’m shoving.”

Zuko rolls his eyes and grabs chit sangs hands as the two push at each other zuko starts to get chit sang down but lets go so chit sang can grab his arm and toss him onto his back. People are cheering as they fight. Sokka runs out into their circle of people and yells out “hey i need backup over here!” 

Zuko barely jumps out of the way before chit sang elbow drops onto where he once was.zuko can see the other guards coming forward so he shoots out a small fire blast that chit sang easily jumps over. One of the guards calls out “no firebending. Into the cooler!” 

Zuko has to make in believable so he tries to run away but two guards jump ontop of him knocking him down to the ground and grabbing his arms. They drag him away and into the cooler.

__________________________________________________________________

Zuko makes quick work of taking the bolts out of the wall. He can hear someone coming and he curls up protectively over all the metal bolts in his lap. The doors open and he hears sokkas voice say “i can take you back to your cell if you’ve learned your lesson.”

Zuko lifts his head and does a nice deep warming breath, fire escapes his mouth and he smiles up at sokka “yes, i have -- completely.”

He shows sokka his lap of bolts and sokka smiles at him before leaning in and lifting his eye visor “i got suki and chit sang out of their cells a few minutes ago. They’ll be waiting for us at the shore.”

Zuko hears footsteps approaching and grabs ahold of sokka dragging him into the cooler and almost shutting the door. “Someones coming!”

The two listen at the door to hear whats going on a man is talking “yeah, new arrivals coming in at dawn.”

A woman asks “anybody interesting?”

“Nah, just the usual. Some robbers, couple of traitors, some war prisoners. Though i did hear there might be a pirate.” Sokka turns to zuko, his face is a mix of scared and uncertain.

“No foolin’!” and with that the voices fade away.

“War prisoners. It could be your father.”

“I know” sokka looks down in thought.

“Well what should we do? Are we going ahead with the plan or are we waiting another night?”

“I dont know. Is it right for me to risk suki’s freedom, all of our freedom, on the slim chance that my dad is gonna show up?”

“Its your call sokka. Ill follow you no matter what.”

__________________________________________________________________

Sokka makes his call and once its darker out the two slide the detached cooler down to the shore. Chit sang and suki jump up and come help them slow the coolers decent. Chit sang sounds angry “took you guys long enough.” he points to two people standing on the shore “this heres my girl and my best buddy. Theyre coming too. theyre my soulmates”

Sokka sounds even more mad “fine. Everybody in the cooler. Lets go.”

They get the cooler half in the water and sokka goes to retrieve his clothes, zuko and suki stand behind him “are you sure you wanna go? Youre the one who said you wanted to redeem yourself. Rescuing your dad is your chance.”

“Your dad?”

Sokka turns to them both “if i had just cut my losses at the invasion, maybe we wouldnt be in this mess. Maybe sometimes its just better to call it quits before you fail.”

“No its not. Look sokka your going to fail a lot before things work out.”

“Thats supposed to make me feel better?” sokka stands up with his stuff. 

“Even though you’ll probably fail over and over and over again”

Sokka walks away and stops his shoulders hunching a little “seriously not helping.”

“You have to try every time.” zuko walks forward and puts his hand on sokkas shoulder “you cant quit because youre afraid you might fail. Look how often i fail but you dont give up you keep going because one day you get it right.”

Chit sang and his group are already in the cooler. “Hey if you two are done cuddling can we get a move on?”

“No, I'm staying.” sokka drops his pack down “you guys go. Youve been here long enough.” 

Sokka puts his hand on suki’s shoulder and suki lays her hand over his “i'm not leaving without you sokka. We're soulmates, we stick together.”

Zuko walks up behind them “I'm staying too. You can't do this alone.”

Chit sang begins to push the cooler further into the water before jumping in “not me. Im out. Lets roll baby.” 

Sokka, suki and zuko stare as the cooler disappears into the steam. “We gave up our only chance of escaping. I hope we havnt just made a huge mistake.”

__________________________________________________________________

“Their walking back up the stairs to get back into the prison when the alarm bells go off they can see the gondola begin to come in “the plan failed they got caught!” They watch in fear as the cooler is dragged back to the shore. “The gondola’s moving. This is it. If my dads not there we risked everything for nothing.” 

Suki grabs his hand “we had to.”

“Come on, come on!” The gondola docks and they watch with bated breath as people start to file out 

The first man walks out and zuko cant really make out what they all look like. His eyesight was damaged to see that far away. “Is that him?”

Sokka snarks back at him “my dad doesn't have a nose ring.” they watch as they all file out “come on where is he? That's it? That can't be it.”

Zuko can see suki squeeze his hand “I'm sorry, sokka.”

Sokka deflates “oh no!”

There's a male guard who bangs on the side of the gondola “hey you! Get off the gondola!”

A man walks out onto the platform and sokka gasps “dad!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im ok but i was having some probloms at home but hopefully the next two chapters come out quicker since im excited for them so much


	22. the boiling rock part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they make it somehow they make it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning  
> semi-graphic torture  
> misgendering  
> violence

Sokka goes to see whats happening with his dad up near the gondola while zuko and suki make their way back into their cells. They all three try desperately to not think about what could happen to chit sang and his two soulmates. 

It takes an hour before the door to his cell is unlocked. Zuko jumps up and stares at the door hoping for sokka to show up, but instead two men walk in and grab a hold of him. They drag him down many hallways, they stop at a random door and zuko swears he can hear a woman screaming the next door down. The room they shove him into is empty save two chains hanging from the ceiling with shackles on the end. Zuko doesnt fight as they pull his shirt, breast band and pants off and shove his arms up into the manacles.

They leave him for a while just chained and shivering in the cold of the room but then they come back with a cart with different torture implements on it. One of the men stand infront of him while the other grabs a small knife. When the one infront of him speaks it makes him jump in surprise. “Why are you here?” Zuko remains quiet. “Answer or be cut”

Zuko shakes his head and the other man leans down and slowly cuts deeply on the top of zukos thigh. He doesnt even wince. The man infront speaks up “answer?” zuko shakes his head again and hes given another cut. They continue like this until both his thighs are cut up. There's blood dripping down his legs and flowing onto the floor going into the drain in the center. But zuko just continues to shake his head. They switch to his stomach and start over, going first up the right side and then the left side they make it from the bottom of his breast to the top of his underwear before the door is opened and the warden walks in. He grimaces at the blood flowing down zukos body.

“Youve made any progress?” the two others shake their heads. The warden steps up into zukos space and grabs his messy bun tightly, pulling his head up to face him. “I know you had something to do with the attempted escape. Tell me why you are here and what you were planning. You snuck in for a reason and i aim to find out. Why chit sang?”

He smiles big and prideful “Its amazing how you think youve figured everything out already.” 

The warden smiles back and lets him go. He takes a step back and then suddenly he punches zuko in the face. There is an audible crack and blood begins to flow quickly out his broken nose. Zuko chokes slightly before he leans forward and allows the blood to fall. “You will tell me what i want to know or you may not make it out alive.”

Zuko looks up at him and smirks before he begins to giggle and then full on laugh “you think you're so tough. You honestly think you scare me when ive faced the fire lord himself. Your nothing but a gnat attempting to be a god and failing. Do your worse.”

The warden sneers and nods to the other two men in the room. “Get the whip out.”

He turns and goes toward the door and gaurd stands infront of him once again. “Answer.”

Zuko does nothing but laugh, loud and confidently as the whip hits his back.

__________________________________________________________________

They have to physically drag him to get cleaned up, they drop him in front of the shower spray and just allow the water to clean most of the blood off. The spray of water sends fire up and down his wounds but its so cold it makes him shiver violently. They dress him quickly and professionally and drag him back down to his cell. 

Theyre strangely nice enough to drop him on top of his bed,even if they do drop him onto his hurt back. Zuko doesnt give them the satisfaction of curling onto his side but the moment they leave zuko turns over and drags his blanket over top of him and passes out.

__________________________________________________________________

He wakes up to a voice outside his door. “Zuko? Zuko, please, bud, answer me”

He lets out a loud groan and tries to sit up, he can feel cuts already opening along his stomach as he uncurls. “Sokka?”

“Oh thank the spirits hey can you get to the door?”

He wants to say no, he wants to go back to sleep. He feels weak and slightly disoriented but he begins to crawl toward the door “im coming.” 

He uses the door to leverage himself up to standing and looks out of the peep hole to look at sokka “hey i just got done talking to my dad. We came up with an escape plan together.”

They are both taken aback when a voice calls out “What are you doing here?” 

Sokka pushes himself away from the door “I was just telling this dirty lowlife what i think of him!”

“You mean her?”

Sokka sputters “ugh, yeah sorry her!”

“Well you’ll have to do that later. Shes coming with us.”

“Why?” 

Theres a feminine voice who angrily spits out “because we have orders straight from the warden, thats why!” 

“Could i just get 10 more seconds to rough her up a bit?” zuko smiles at sokkas plan he quickly grabs his bed roll, rolling it up and holding it out infront of him so when sokka enters he can punch it. 

“Fine 10 seconds.” sokka opens his cell door and closes it behind him. He takes a quick look to zuko and sees him with his rolled up bedroll and begins to punch it

“Take that! And this!” zuko throws in a few painful sounding grunts as sokka throws punches. Sokka begins to whisper. “We have a new plan, but its gonna need a big distraction.”

The door begins to open and sokka quickly grabs zuko and spins him around grabbing him around his chest and shaking him hard. “Alright thats enough.”

The guard split them up and each grab a firm hold on zukos arm. When they get far enough away from were sokka had been zuko decides its time to be an aggravation “so where are we going this time?” the guards dont answer him. They get back to the same area they had him in yesterday and open a room. Theres a chair in it this time and they throw him inward. He lands hard on the edge of the chair catching the wounds on his stomach. If they hadnt been open before they were now. As soon as he catches his breath he smirks back at them “oh the torture room again how original.”

“Really sister?”

He turns and looks at the side of the door “azula?”

__________________________________________________________________

Zuko sits with his head down “How did you know I was here?”

“Oh easy the warden sent a letter to the firelord and since hes busy he sent me to pick you up.” azula stands staring at her nails looking for any imperfection. 

“Azula im sorry but i cant go back”

Malice drips down her voice “You dont have a choice.”

“I heard about mai and ty lee. Im sorry it happened.” he keeps his voice as calm as he can.

“Im not they were making me weak and needy! Father said ill be stronger without any bond. Look at him, he imprisoned his own soulmate. Why not imprison my own!”

Zuko turns toward her. “You cant believe that, there's no way, you didnt believe that when you told me you found them? And when did ozai even find his soulmate?”

“Please zuzu we both know father is always right. I hate to admit it but I was wrong to be excited. It was...unbecoming of a future firelord. And he found her when you were gone. She was some lowly peasant who served him tea all the time. One day she came in with no bandages and he caught sight and that was that. He wanted to kill her out right but the sages said it would be painful to father if she died. So he imprisoned her in the capital city prison just like mai and ty lee are. Its for the best really. If it werent for the fact that father will never accept you again, I'd say we do the same to your soulmates.”

“Azula why are you acting this way? What has happened to you?”

“Oh so you think im a monster now too?”

“Never azula i love you. You need help, you need to get away from ozai. Please what has he done to you.” 

“You really dont think I'm a monster? Not even when I shot lightning at your soulmate?”

“I-” zuko can feel tears forming and he blinks a few times to get them to go away.

“Surprised, I knew? It wasnt hard i'm one of very few who have seen your soulmark as it really was. Before you put those silly tattoos on top of it. How did it feel when I tried to kill your soulmates? Because sister, I plan on all of them watching, as I kill you!”

“Azula please listen-”

Azula pushes herself off the wall and walks out the door. “Im done with her for now. Lock her somewhere out of the way ill deal with her after i find who shes with.”

__________________________________________________________________

Hes not in his cell for long before the door is opened. Theres no guard outside so it must have been from the control room. He steps outside and makes his way through to the yard, it doesnt take him long to spot sokka, suki and who must be sokkas dad.

Suki takes one look at him and scowls “I told you the warden would hurt you.”

“Yeah and i told you he couldnt hurt me worse than ozai or zhao.”

Sokka looks at him and winces “hey zuks, how bad you hurt exactly?”

“Ill be fine.”

Sokkas dad looks him up and down and zuko has to wonder how noticeable the bloodstains on his front and back are. The man settles for looking at his face. “We should set your nose as soon as possible. The moment we’re safe im doing it. We're counting on you telling us if your hurt to bad to fight though. We need to know now.”

“Ive fought through worse i can do it.”

The man nods and holds his hand out “im hakoda”

Zuko grasps hakodas arm the way he read the water tribe do and hopes he made no mistake “im zuko. Call me a girl and ill gut you like a sheep-pig”

“Duly-noted. Now we need a distraction.”

Sokka speaks up “we need to start a riot.”

Suki looks on confused “ok but how?”

Hakoda looks around “i’ll show you.”

They watch as hakoda walks to a large man and pushes him. They cant hear whats said but no fight happens sokka slumps forward “well this isnt working.”

“Hey, you!” all three jump as chit sang marches up to them “you’re lucky i didnt rat you out! But my generosity comes with a price. I know youre planning another escape attempt and i want in.”

Sokka raises an eyebrow “actually were trying to escape right now, but we need a riot. You wouldnt happen to know how to start one would you?”

“A prison riot? Please.” the three watch in awe as chit sang grabs a smaller man and lifts him up over his head “hey! Riot!” 

Its instantaneous. Fighting breaks out immediately. Chit sang runs back and joins them as zuko looks to sokka “ok now what?”

Sokka looks up to were the a a group of three men stand up above. “Ok the plan is grab the warden and get to the gondolas.” 

“And how do we do that?”

“Im not sure.” they turn to each other 

“Uuugh, i thought you’d thought this through!”

“I thought you told me its ok not to think everything through!”

“Maybe not everything but this is kind of an important thing to think through!” 

“Hey, uh, fellas?” both of them look up at chit sang infront of them “ I think your girlfriend’s taking care of it.” 

They watch as suki begins making her way up to the warden. Its hard for zuko to make out alot of whats happening but she seems to continue her way up. The four of them run after her and meet her right as she pushes the warden hard into the wall. “We’ve got the warden now lets get out of here.”

Hakoda behind them lets out a breathy “thats some girl.”

Sokka looks at suki dreamily and says, “tell me about it.” 

__________________________________________________________________

Theyre almost to the gondola, chit sang is in the back with the warden while the others keep the front clear for him. They get near the control room and two men inside shoot fire at them. Zuko pushes sokka out of the way and deflects both blast and as four men run out into their way zuko calls out “back off! We’ve got the warden.”

They all move out the way to show chit sang with the warden, the men in front of them smartly move out of the way. They dont let their guards down though as they move past them and zuko moves to the back and lets the others climb aboard. He can hear suki open the door to the gondola “everyone in.”

Zuko turns and pulls the lever for the gondola he watches as it takes off and then gives the lever a few hard fire backed kicks to break it. He turns and sees how many men are coming and quickly runs and jumps toward the gondola. Sokka grabs his arm tightly and zuko isnt sure if its love or fear but he feels something as their soulmarks touch though bandages.

Sokka helps him into the gondola and as soon as zuko is safely inside yells out “what are you doing!”

“I’m making it so they cant stop us.”

“Oh, way to think ahead.”

Suki comes to their side “we’re on our way.”

Hakoda is still looking out at the prison “Wait, who's that?”

All three move toward him looking out at who is standing there. Zuko can barely see but he knows in his soul who it is “thats a problem.” 

They watch as she steals a pair of cuffs, she uses fire blast to get closer to them. Zuko doesnt wait to see what she has planned to get to them and instead climbs up onto the roof of the gondola. Azula drops down infront of him and sokka who has also joined him. Azula doesnt speak and instead sweeps a low fire at them. Zuko parts it away from them.

Him and sokka fight good together each taking a turn attacking right after the other in a way that keeps azula on the defence. Zuko doesnt want harm to come to his sister but he also would like to keep living. Eventually they have her cornered and a swipe from sokka and two quick blast from zuko, azula is left using her upper body strength to keep herself on the gondola roof. She changes position and kicks a fireblast that the two barely manage to dodge. 

Zuko can hear the warden yelling “cut the line!” he isnt sure how he got loose but he cant concentrate on that and his own fight when his pain level has been increasing as rapidly as it is. Theres a sudden lurch and the gondola stops moving sokka slips and begins to fall off the side as the gondola swings violently. Zuko rushes to his side and plants his feet firmly and grabs ahold of sokkas arm.

“Theyre cutting the line!” He spots azula looking back and when another gondola begins its descent to the prison azula shoots fire downward and flys over to the other gondola. She smiles at zuko in a way that unsettles him to his core “good bye zuko.”

As soon as zuko is sure shes not coming back him and sokka go back down into the gondola “their cutting the line.”

Hakoda looks back at them face grim “hope this thing floats.”

They all look to the back as the gondola starts to move again. Azula stands next to the controls and watches as they escape sokka looks on confused “why is she letting us go?”

Something in zukos mind clicks “i think-i think she wants all my soulmates to watch me die.”

He can hear suki gasp “shes changed that much?”

Zuko cant tell anymore what on his body is sweat or blood, hes begining to feel woozy “i dont know what happened”

__________________________________________________________________

Its getting difficult to keep his eyes open once they make it across the lake. He can vaguely hear hakoda talking to the warden but he's too tired to listen closely. They continue to run over the lip of the volcano before suki asks “well we made it out. Now what?”

It makes zuko think and he pauses in his running both because its getting hard to run and also because he has a brilliant plan. Sokka calls out to him “zuko what are you doing?”

“My sister was on that island.”

The four others stare at him, sokka and hakoda both look concerned and zuko realizes his words are slurring a little “yeah, and shes probably right behind us so lets not stop ok.”

Hakoda takes a step back towards him “son are you ok?”

“No wait what i mean is she must’ve come here somehow.” zuko takes off to look over the side of the cliff they're on spotting a large war balloon “there! Thats our way out.”

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Suki goes to steer the ship while chit sang goes to the boiler room to keep the ship running. Hakoda and sokka both set zuko down in the control room with suki. Hakoda sits next to zuko and looks to sokka “sokka go find some bandages and something to clean his wounds. If you can find one there should be a med kit with everything we need in it. Zuko you need to take whatever is in the way off so I can see what we're working with.”

Sokka nods and takes off. Zuko looked at hakoda and frowned. “Ill be fine i got this”

Suki turns quickly around and levels a glare at him “zuko take your clothes off we gotta see. Take them off yourself or i'm coming back there.” her face softens “your safe here dont worry. I got your back.”

Zuko nods and suki turns back around. As gently as he can he begins to peel his clothes off. He can feel wounds ripping open when he begins to unwind his breast band. He has to grit his teeth hard. Hakoda keeps his eyes firmly on zukos back only and when zuko begins to have issues he takes over. Zuko is taking his pants off to show his thighs when sokka comes back and gasps. Hakoda doesnt even give him a glance “sokka did you bring what i asked?”

“Yeah i did” he hands a large med kit over and hakoda waste no time in opening it and digging through it. “Zuko why didnt you say you were hurt this bad. This all looks so bad.”

“Im fine i swear. Dont worry ive gone through worse.” hakoda pulls out a bottle of antiseptic and wets a cloth with it. The first press of the rag has him hissing, but hakoda’s touch remains gentle as he cleans his back.

Suki lets out a quick chuckle “hey zuks i know youve been through worse but it still doesnt make it better or less worrying.”

“I think your all just worrying to much for my taste” 

Hakoda digs through the bag for a pot of healing cream. He hands it to sokka. “Put a thick layer of this on his back while i finish cleaning.”

Sokka nods and while hakoda cleans the wounds on his stomach and thighs, sokka slathers a libral amount of cooling cream over his back. Once hakoda is done sokka puts more cream on his front while hakoda searches for bandages. Hes quick in wrapping zukos body in bandages and once hes done he helps him put his shirt back on.

Zuko finishes pulling his pants up before sokka ask “now what do we do about his nose?”

Hakoda finishes putting things back in the bag and looks to zukos face “We need to set it. I can do it.” 

Suki steps away from the wheel and walks to the back to them. “No offence hakoda sir but i'm rather sure zuko may punch you in the face if you set his nose. So ill do it.”

Suki leans down and quickly grabs the sides of his nose and sets it back to where it should be. Zuko folds forward “Mother fucker!”

Suki laughs and sokka awkwardly pats his shoulder “ok bud your still slurring your words a bunch i think you should get some rest. I found a really fancy bedroom you can curl up in and get some shut eye.”

He uncurles right as hakoda stands “actually why dont you kids show me the direction we're going in and i can take over. You should all probably get some rest.”

“Oh much smarter. I could use some good sleep.” suki and sokka both go with hakoda and show him how to work the control room and the direction they need to go in. suki comes back to him and helps him up “lets go get some sleep ok. You look like you need it.”

Sokka leads them to the room he had seen and zuko realizes its a room his sister must have stayed in. the bed is plenty big enough for all three of them. Suki shoves him in the middle and cuddles up under his arm. Sokka falters for a second before he lays down and lays a gentle arm over the two of them. Zuko falls asleep feeling more safe than he has in years.  
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They make it to the western air temple some time near dark. Suki wakes him before they dock and he joins sokka near the exit they leave first leaving the others to wait inside. Katara is staring at them in disbelief, her voice full of aggravation “what are you doing in this thing? What happened to the war balloon?”

Zuko leans against sokka to keep himself standing “it kinda got destroyed.”

“Sounds like a crazy fishing trip.”

Tophs smile drops a little “did it involve a fight cuz sparky sounds weird.” 

Zuko pats her head “im fine kiddo.”

“Did you atleast get some good meat?”

Sokka is smiling so big his face looks like it could crack “i did, the best meat of all the meat of friendship, fatherhood, and soulmate-ness.”

Hakoda and suki run out and chit sang lumbers behind them all three smiling. Chit sang waves “i’m new. Whats up everybody?” 

Katara’s eyes fill with tears as she lets out a breathless “dad” 

Hakoda steps forward his arms opening “hi katara.”

They meet in the middle and hug. Kataras eyes are full of wonder “how are you here? What is going on? Where did you go?”

Zuko decides sokka can handle this “we kind of went to a fire nation prison.” 

Hakoda grabs sokka and pulls both his kids into a hug. 

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Zuko collapses in bed as soon as he can sneak away from the group. Hes almost asleep when theres a soft knock at his door. He's too tired to get up and although he would rather not feel vulnerable he also isnt a hundred percent sure he can actually sit up unassisted. “Come in or go away, I'm not getting up.” 

The door opens and katara quietly says “they said you got really hurt.”

Zuko pulls the blanket away and looks at her. “I did.”

“They said you lost alot of blood”

“Katara you dont like me and im really tired get to the point.”

Katara scuffs her feet “i brought you some orange juice. It’ll raise your sugar and help with the side effects of blood loss. And some jerky it’ll help you too.”

She holds out a large cup. “I- thank you katara. I'm sorry I was snippy.”

“Its ok. Can you sit up?” zuko nods and struggles up to sitting. Katara hands him the juice and jerky and then gently perches herself on the foot of his bed. “They told us how you were hurt. I think you should take tomorrow off. I wont be mad. We were going to go to the stream and hang out, you know bathe and play and make a bonfire. If you feel ok you should come. Maybe i can look at your back and whatnot and heal you a bit.”

“Why are you being nice to me.”

Katara looks down at her feet “you saved my dad. I owe being nice to you.”

Zuko stares at her looking in her face for the lie. He doesnt find any. “Id like that. Id like to go to the stream. With all of you.”

Katara looks up at him and smiles softly. She stands and puts her hands on her hips “ok! Lay down and rest. You need it alot. Sleep in and one of us will come wake you up for breakfast. These are your healers orders.”

Katara turns and leaves seemingly satisfied that she has said her peace. Zuko lets out a quiet chuckle and sets the juice to the side and lays back down. Zuko has no doubt in his mind that katara will freeze him to this bed if he doesnt listen to her orders.


End file.
